Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013

Go the fuck home 2013, you're drunk.

What?

2013 wasn't drunk? It was just being a son of a bitch?!?

Well ok then. 2013 can kiss my ass then.

We've all loved, lost, and learned in the past 365. 

Hey 2014!! 

Don't be a complete asshole to me and my friends, k??

PS- Have a safe celebration tonight. If you over imbibe and you're in the Tampa area, call (855) 2-TOW-2-GO and get a safe ride home. (as long as it's w/in 10 miles of where they picked you up!) 

DO NOT START 2014 IN THE HOSPITAL, JAIL, OR MORGUE!

Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Best Craigslist Ad EVER!!

This has to be one of the best Craigslist ads I have ever seen!! Read it & you too will see the brilliance!




1985 VT1100 Bobber is up for sale ~ $1800 OBO ~ 

Hey there bad-ass, ever feel like there's a caged animal trapped inside of you?

Only one cure for that: getting a sick motorcycle. A 1985 Honda VT1100. This Blue, Black and Chrome lady will get you to work like a full-blown go hard, transport you and your shotgun through the zombie apocalypse, and give you a new platform for barreling down the boulevard with the wind tearing at your clothes screaming, "I AM ALIVE!".

Runs like corn through a goose, slick as snot.... 

I put new paint on the old girl, because you don't deprive a classy lady of looking good. I gave her a new apes because she needed some style. I lowered her down 4 1/2 inches just to make sure she was not taller than her date. 

Electric start, freaking push start, you name it whatever you decide to do.

Why am I selling it? Cos being alive rules, and I'm far too gnarly of a dude to have a motorcycle. I see a ramp, I'm gonna hit that damn thing going 300 mph, back flip over the Skyway and be asked to do it again and I don't want to make anyone feel bad about this girl being so awesome.

$1800 gets you the Blue Betty, No helmets because everyone should see you riding this kick ass girl, plus all the oil that's up in her right now, hell I will even throw in a full tank of PREMIUM GASOLINE, a cup of coffee with me and whatever kind of doughnut you want.

CALL, TEXT OR EMAIL ME 

Serious Inquires only...
813-997-16(zero)3

Friday, December 27, 2013

Aftermath



The gifts have been opened,
The stockings unstocked.
The toys have all been played with,
The video games have rocked!

The leftovers have been pick through,
The eggnog has been drunk.
The dogs have stolen nibbles,
The cookies have been dunked.

Yeah..... that's all I got. What can I say, It's hard to be poetic when you're still cleaning up from Christmas morning.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!


As long as I have these people, and the others who have included me in their awesome tribes, I will never be poor. I will never be lonely. I will never be alone.

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

TOMORROW!!!!!

This is going to be the best Christmas ever because I know there are people who love me & my family!!


Friday, December 20, 2013

Monday, December 16, 2013

So Some Guy Tried To Pwn Me On Twitter....

... and failed miserably! 

Now I don't go looking for a fight on social media. (Contrary to what happened to me in September.) I usually observe others interactions and just leave well enough alone. Usually there has been someone that says exactly what I was thinking anyway, so why offer up my carcass to the rabid vultures who occupy the internet. I saw this photo this morning....



That is right. Someone at a sign company employed by the State of Florida misspelled Dairy. After seeing that, the following ensued.....

*@TampaBayTraffic-Sign #fail... We're gonna need a Sharpie in Largo. RT @IONTB: Installed on Bryan "Dariy" Road at Starkey. pic.twitter.com/4LLmup0drU
*@blondefabulous-@TampaBayTraffic That's our public education system in action right there!
*@raidmagic-@blondefabulous @TampaBayTraffic Don't blame the public education system blame the parents that dont take an active roll in their kids lives
*@TampaBayTraffic-@raidmagic @blondefabulous Lol I think you meant "role."
*@blondefabulous-@TampaBayTraffic See!? @raidmagic just totally made my point!!
*@raidmagic-@blondefabulous @TampaBayTraffic Unfortunately not, I went to a private school
*@blondefabulous-@raidmagic @TampaBayTraffic You get what you pay for, I guess. :)

Yup. Some guy on Twitter tried to be an ass to my flippant remark about education and I & @TampaBayTraffic more or less pwned him. Usually I'd have stuck to my policy of letting it go, but the incorrect word usage plus the lack of punctuation was hard to resist! Then when the guy tried to  one up me with his revelation that he went to private, not public, school.... well, I couldn't help myself!

Thanks Monday. I appreciate your nod to me having a stressful week and trying to make me feel better. I guess we'll pick up where we left off next Monday?

 Great!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Bullets


  • I was almost run over last Tuesday. I was walking to my cleaning client when I heard a squeal of tires. I looked to the left really fast to see some douche in a BMW SUV running a stop sign at a high rate of speed. He was hanging a right and was going SO FAST his passenger side wheels came up off the pavement. He over corrected and ended up driving on the sidewalk I was currently occupying. I lunged to the left to avoid being hit ON THE SIDEWALK!!!! It hurt something in my foot which has been aching ever since.
  • Landlord threatened to throw us out a week before Christmas. Luckily I am resourceful and, with the help of some awesome people, was able to raise over $1000 in 24 hours. 
  • My Christmas cactus is blooming a whole month early! Usually it waits till January, but I guess it realized I needed a sign that everything would be alright.
  • HHH got a job at a pest control company.
  • I don't like the USPS anymore. I sent a package of cookies to a good friend in NY and they eventually got there in a million pieces. I was so heartbroken to see the photos. My cookies are little pieces of art. I slave over them because I want them to be perfect and bring joy to those who are getting them. So much for writing FRAGILE all over the box in red marker!
  • Stores are NUTS this time of year.

Friday, December 13, 2013

New Day.

Our emergency is past. Out landlord got her money. Apparently both the apartment on the very end, and our smoking neighbors are leaving at the end of the month. Add that to her son, who also lives here, losing his job as well and she was looking at only 2 of 6 apartments paying her. I totally understand her needs. I just hope she was as stern with the other folks as she was with us. 

And now my gift for the season is this. My Christmas Cactus has bloomed a whole month earlier than it usually does! So beautiful!


Merry Christmas indeed!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Thank You

Thanks to the kindness of friends & strangers alike, we met our goal and got the $900 and then some! 

You raised $1,010.00

 
112.22% to Goal
Overall Goal: $900.00

             

Icannot thank everyone enough. You guys shared my Go Fund Me page far and wide. We made the $900 in less than 14 hours. My husband is flabbergasted! Right now, we're just waiting for the money to be transferred into our bank account so we can withdraw it and pay our landlord.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not gonna sit back and rest on that. I'm still hustling out there to get more jobs for cleaning, selling my cookies (do NOT misconstrue that!), and basically doing anything I can to bring home extra bacon to supplement what HHH is doing with his new job. 

I'm a hustler, yo. 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Please Help Me!!

This is it. 

We are going to be evicted come Monday if I can't raise $900 to give them. 

Yes, the week before Christmas we are going to be homeless. How do I tell my kids that piece of news? How do I tell them we are in a hole so deep we won't be able to get out? I was already going to have to tell them Xmas was going to be incredibly lean, but now? Now I have a whole new set of problems.

So tomorrow (Wednesday) I will be walking from church to church, asking, no BEGGING for help. I'm about to get a cardboard sign and sit on a street corner. I have no shame, no pride when it comes to keeping a roof over my kids' heads. I've even gone so far as to set up a GoFundMe page. 

Please donate to keep my kids in their home. They don't deserve having a bullshit loser mother, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna see them have to have Christmas on a bench in the park. Please please please....


Help these kids.

And here is my GoFundMe Page..... http://www.gofundme.com/5p899k

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Elvish

It's that time again. People are posting about their Elf on a Shelf and how "magical" it is, and how the kids "love" seeing where the elf is the next morning.

Just stop it. Stop it right now.

It's not cute. It's creepy. I remember many a Twilight Zone or horror movie that had dolls that moved. I have cleaned houses that had dolls and I swear they were looking at me with soulless, rage filled eyes, but this elf thing.... I have no words. Who wants to sleep in a house where a maniacally creepy cute doll is watching you while you sleep? Seriously?? No thank you.

I do have to say though, that I have enjoyed the photo posts some folks have made of that little bastard not being quite so angelic! 





At least the creep has good taste in whiskey.

So, to reiterate my point, JUST STOP WITH THE ELF!! Make a different holiday tradition, like me. Tomorrow I'm cleaning the bathroom mirror and then using oil ir wax to write 

"I'm watching you. Better be good for goodness sake!"

I'll take that Parent of the Year award now, if you please.