Saturday, June 29, 2013

Culture Shock!

You all have seen Eldest, right? Yeah she's absolutely GORGEOUS! See...

Well, she's in a summer program for 4 weeks to learn about real world applications of science and technology that she can start in high school. Last Thursday, the program took a trip to Busch Gardens to attend a lecture given by the ride engineers about how their physics & mathematics classes led them to such a cool job. At the conclusion of the lecture, the kids were let loose in the park for the rest of the day! (Eldest LOVED the lecture.)

After the kids were free in the park, Eldest and her group were in line for one of the rides when suddenly a strange teen boy appeared. In very broken English he explained he was from Brazil and here in Florida with a tour group. He then started to profess his infatuation with her beauty. Needless to say, Eldest was embarrassed. She tried being polite, but this guy was persistent. Finally Eldest's group was about to get on the ride and the boy asked if Eldest would kiss him good bye on both cheeks. He explained that was how his country said bye. Eldest wasn't falling for it. Apparently the boy followed her around the park like a puppy!  She was so mortified. Finally, it was time for all the kids to meet the Program Director to head back to the school and boy was Eldest ready to go!

After she explained all this to HHH & I, I said to her "Well, just think about how much courage it took for a boy from a different country, who didn't speak the language very well, to go up to a beautiful American girl and ask for a kiss." To which she replied, "Yeah mom, but I don't know where his cheeks have been!" I almost laughed myself silly! I told her to just take it in stride. 

And don't fall for any foreign "customs"!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Sofa King

I cleaned a house today for 10 hours. The woman said she just needed a normal clean ha ha! She needed a whole deep clean! That house was nasty and HUGE! Rat droppings, dog pee, and dust everywhere!  I worked my ass off for those people!! I made $100. The people were VERY happy. I didn't get to all the rooms, but hopefully they'll have me back again. They could use a monthly cleaning lady!

And now I'm Sofa King Tired!

UPDATE: Now that I have had some rest here's the breakdown of yesterday. The house I cleaned? A mansion on the waters of Tampa Bay. B-E-A-utiful house in an exclusive neighborhood. Marble floors, hand carved grand staircase, antique furniture.... you get the picture. I guess the best word to describe it is neglected. Being right on the water, it had a rodent problem. I never saw any of them, but I saw their leavings when I vacuumed. I worked my ass of in that house. I went from room to room cleaning them from top to bottom. My entire house could have fit in their master bathroom! I cleaned the equivalent of 3 regular houses. I was bone tired when I finished, but the woman I cleaned for was extremely happy. She mentioned having me back again to clean the rooms she didn't have me do yesterday. Yay, I guess?

Tuesday, June 25, 2013


Everyone knows I'm a cleaning lady. Yeah yeah... I've worn a lot of caps in my life, but cleaning lady seems to stick around. In the process of doing this job I've seen pretty much anything and everything. I was even party witness to one clients suicide. Cleaning up after the elite of society is a messy business, so you can imagine my surprise when Lifetime Network came out with the new summer show "Devious Maids". I thought to myself 'Finally! A show about us folk who clean up the messes in life!' Unfortunately, 

It sucked.

All I saw was stereo type after stereo type. The poor Latino maid struggling against life in the immaculate home of her betters. The snooty second wife of the business man who treats her help like animals. The maids were cleaning in HIGH HEELS! One of them was even cleaning in a pretty dress & full make up!  All they needed was Consuela from Family Guy and the casting would have been complete! My favorite line from the  show had to be...

"I don't care about the photos and the evidence! My maid has just been MURDERED! There's blood everywhere! (in a hushed voice) Who's going to clean all this up?"

Yeah. That was the only part of the show that rung true for me. The employers of those maids were self involved, degrading, and asinine! I saw that a lot in Bradenton, Sarasota, and Fish Hawk. Luckily the nice clients balanced out the crazy ones! (Remember the guy who wanted me to go out in a possible tornado to retrieve his gas grill?) The whole thing boiled down to the murdered maid saw something she shouldn't have and was killed, supposedly by a hired bartender, landing in the client's pool. At the funeral we see the other maids from the neighborhood whispering in hushed tones that the dead maid should have kept her "secrets". Add that to a new maid on the block who is sort of investigating the death, and you have, what a friend of mine correctly identified as "Desperate Housewives with a mop." And that's what it totally looked like.

Just know, if I am ever in your house cleaning, there will be no secrets, hanky panky, or blackmailing. Now, making fun of you ruthlessly on social media for your weird habits? I'll totally do that!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Oh My!

And the crazy work ads from CL just keep coming!!






I am looking for a fun and witty housekeeper, open minded and pays attention to detail. $50- $100 for a 2 to 4 hours work. 2 current pics, name and a phone number please.

I need a woman on Tuesdays to clean my house 3 bed 2 bath must send a couple of pictures and price. The best one gets the job!
I don't qualify for any of those thank goodness! I just can't believe anyone has the nards to post that kind f stuff! Of course, it is Craigslist!

Friday, June 21, 2013

The Hunt

So I'm looking for a new cleaning gig and I just have to tell you.....

Some of these people who post jobs are out of their ever loving MINDS!

I saw a job that asked for me to use my own car (normal) AND buy all my own supplies and use my own vacuum. Uh... no. A REAL cleaning service would have all the supplies for us to use to assure clients the same good job would be done every time. That ad was basically a guy wanting to be a dispatcher.  I also saw a job that asked for a personal maid for 2 days a week for whole household cleaning for only $7/hr. Yeah. Hire a cleaning service. I imagine the poster wasn't going to pay taxes or federal medical, etc.... But this one HAS to be my favorite!

"Young, physically fit man needed for house cleaning two times a week. Must be in good shape, muscular, and willing to do all house cleaning in the nude while I watch! Cleaning should take around 5 hours each day and compensation is $20 per hour. Please reply with photo and resume'."

Yeah, you read that right. I didn't think I qualified for that one. This guy might though...
Image Credit

Anywhoo, there were  a few ads that weren't insane, and I put in for those. Still, I may have to look outside of cleaning, or put in my own ad. Who needs an Alice or Hazel to clean their house, do their laundry, cook a meal & leave it warm in the oven for when you get home? 

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Funny Moments.

Went to Disney last weekend for our 9th anniversary.

Here are a few moments of hilarity.

  • While walking to through the Magic Kingdom, my family and I were trying to make towards the exit before the afternoon rains when I suddenly yelled "DUCK!" and after we all ducked a real duck literally flew within inches of my head. Then I had to yell twice more because 2 more ducks flew RIGHT AT MY HEAD! I had the other people in that section of the park laughing like mad at the situational comedy I was laying down!
  • Went to the Mad Tea Party to ride the tea cups with my kids and as we were approaching the line a cast member was announcing that the ride was temporarily offline and he didn't know when it would be fixed. We got in line anyway and watched group after group leave the line till we were up front. Then, not 5 minutes later, a guy walked over, pushed 1 button, and fixed the ride! Bonus!
  • While eating at a local pizza place, I was casually munching on my gluten free salad when all of a sudden I hear a huge crash behind me. The 95 year old grandma, who was more than a little senile and practically abandoned by her family she arrived with, had been trying to carry a bowl of marinara, a plate of bread sticks, and a 32oz soda! My backside was now wearing marinara sauce, bread sticks, and soda. Whoo hoo!
  • The kids and I were taking a picture Mike & Sulley from MU and as we were leaving I went to walk to the exit and suddenly WHAM! Sulley decks me and knocks my sunglasses off my head! OW! Always remember! They can't really see well out of those suits!
And here were a few things that I wasn't so fond of.

  • When we were at Hollywood Studios we were in line to take a photo with Stitch (Eldest's fave) and the family before us had a small girl, maybe about 3 or 4 years old. The mom kept asking the little girl to go up to Stitch, but the little girl was scared. Finally the mom literally snatched up the little girls arm and WRENCHED her over to the character. Great. That's going to be a great memory for the little girl. Have patience people!
  • Purposefully rude families. They were everywhere. Just because you have an event going on and you're all wearing the same t-shirt doesn't give you the right to steamroll everyone else at the theme park.  
  • Park visitors that won't listen to the cast members. Disney employs these people for a reason. They are to help you have a fun, safe day. As we exited a tram on Sunday, the tram guy specifically said to exit the tram to the driver's right side. 2 women didn't listen. They got out on the left into traffic and the guy almost had to go over to them and tell them to reenter the tram and exit on the correct side! It was torture! Just do what the people tell you, ok?

Saturday, June 15, 2013


So the fam and I headed to Typhoon Lagoon today. We had never been there. Last year we went to Blizzard Beach all the time, but in the interest of being adventurous we decided to change things up. It was evident that TL is smaller. The rental spots were squashed closer together. There weren't as many rental spaces available. The slides were incredibly short. It was easy to see that Disney built the water park, then studied what did & didn't work and applied that knowledge to Blizzard Beach when they were building it. 

The one thing that did have us coming back again and again was the shark reef. Yes I said SHARK REEF! They have a small man made reef that you can snorkel over and see tropical fish, sting rays & SHARKS! We did it quite a few times. After the third time, HHH and I spotted a guy at a booth out front who told us for $20 each we could use an air tank and spend a lot more time on the special pool next to the regular snorkel pool! 


We jumped all over that! After paying the fee, getting strapped into the tank vest, and receiving our instruction, we were off. It was weird at first, but once I adjusted it was AWESOME! There were MORE fish, MORE rays, and MORE SHARKS in the pay to play pool! I even high 5'd a ray about 4 times while in there. The fish weren't even scared of us. They pooled around us, under us beside us and even with us. With the air tank, we were allowed to swim around until we got to the reserve portion of our air tanks. In the free pool, they make you swim straight across the pool and get out pretty quickly. We were in the pay pool for a good 15-20 minutes. It was amazing. 

And the only bad part was hearing HHH say the quote above from "50 First Dates" no less that 35 times all day.

Fair trade, I'd say!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

What The Fuck?

I can deal with a lot of bullshit.

I have taken my Ex husband's bullshit.
My parent's bullshit.
Doctor's bullshit.
State of Florida's bullshit. 
School bullshit.
Traffic bullshit.
Derby bullshit.
You get the idea bullshit.

One thing I learned? At 40 years old, taking other people's bullshit is an art I no longer want to do. As a famous (for 15 minutes) lady once said, "Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!"

I asked for today (Friday) off 2 weeks ago. I was told that they would try and I'd know when the schedule came out. Well, the schedule came out and this is what Friday looked like....

Says right there in black and white. Jessica off at noon, Nicole requested day off.  I thought I had the day off. Come Thursday, I text to make sure I am ok for next week and the Boss Lady says "No. We need you till 3:30 tomorrow."

What. The. FUCK?!?

I texted her back that the schedule said I was off. Any other time I was off by request it said the exact same thing. Boss Lady texted back too bad. I was beside myself. A good friend was going to be watching my baby Nemo and I needed to bring him over before 1pm. Now that was in jeopardy, which in turn put the whole weekend in jeopardy! I was already out $130 for the hotel, $60 for the reserved space at Typhoon Lagoon, and who knows what other $$ and for what? $40 I'd make at work? Uh no.

I tried to do it right by calling Boss Lady #1 (whom I had been texting) and tell her in person I'd be bringing my shirts to the base the next day. She sent me straight to voicemail. Ok then. I called Boss Lady #2 instead and said I'd be sending my shirts in and thank you for the confusing, unsatisfying employment. 

So, in my time with Go Green Clean Team of Fishhawk Ranch:

  1. I was treated like crap by the Consuelas.
  2. I had tips kept from me by the Consuelas till I caught on.
  3. I got the crappiest jobs because I was new.
  4. Now even though I have more seniority than Penny, she was getting a day off over me.
No More. 

And to make it even more choice of a situation, after I had dropped off my shirts at Boss Lady #2's house, Boss Lady #1 text's me back saying  

"You're quitting with no notice over tomorrow? Nice. I am not able to call you tonight, but will tomorrow!"

Really?!? You're going to threaten me with a scolding because you fucked ME over? Oh no. I am done with their bullshit. I texted Boss Lady #2 and asked if my last check could be direct deposited then mentioned I did not want Boss Lady #1 calling me anymore. I am so over their confusing, wires crossed management. They still have my predecessor anyway and now that she has a car again, they can rehire her and deal with her lackluster cleaning! 

Bullshit? I have not the time for that anymore! 

I have a waterpark to go to! Happy Anniversary to me! (& HHH!)

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

This Weekend....

Let's hope it's not like this at Typhoon Lagoon! We have pre-rented our private umbrella so we will have a space to relax rather than fight for a shady spot in the main beach areas. 

Can. Not. Wait!

Monday, June 10, 2013


So, I haven't been writing every day like I used to ever since I got a job. When I get home I'm tired from cleaning up after people who are old enough to know how to do that themselves, and what little energy I do have left I save for my family. Anywhoo, here's a short list of stuff that's happened lately... 

  • I have terrible tree karma. Today, Penny & I were returning from a no show client down the main road to get back to base so we could clean up & go home. Not ten minutes later as I was driving back down the same road to go home traffic came to a full stop as a TREE had fallen across the road, effectively blocking traffic. A sheriff's deputy and a few rednecks in their oversized pick up truck made quick work of the tree by moving it off the roadway so traffic could travel through again. See? Bad tree karma.
  • We went to a completely different RV dealership on Sunday. After giving LazyDays 2 chances we decided to look at their biggest competitor, Camping World. We were once again up front with the gentleman who was helping us (Mike Mayberry, awesome right?), by telling him exactly what our budget was, what we were hoping to find and the man actually LISTENED TO US! He looked for things on their lot that fit in our budget and even told us up front if we wouldn't be able to afford something!! Finally! See LazyDays? THAT'S how you treat a customer!
  • Sunday is my 9th wedding anniversary! 9! 9!! And that includes the 14 years we have been together!! How are we going to celebrate? By going to WDW with the family and spending Saturday at Typhoon Lagoon! 
  • Work has been hit or miss lately. Friday we did a partial clean on a client who should have been a full clean. Then today we did a partial initial clean, but there were 3 different versions of what we were supposed to do. Boss Lady 1 said to do A B C & D, Boss Lady 2 said we needed to do E F G & H, and the client wanted us to do it all!  WTF? Those ladies need to start speaking to each other. 
  • Summer vacation has begun for my kids. I am hoping the house is still standing when I get home from work!
And that's about it for now.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Second Chance Dance.

After last weekend's fiasco at the RV dealer, I had been content to write that same dealership off and never go back. I truly believed that they would not want to help us considering how we were blown off by the salesman and then the internet contact person. Then, on Monday, I got an email from the internet Manager asking if I was happy and were they doing a good job.


I wrote him back...

Well, to tell you the truth Jason, We have decided to look elsewhere for an RV, and I'll tell you why.

We went to your establishment on Sunday, 6/2/13. We arrived at about 3 or 4pm. After initially getting lost we found the main building where we parked and got out to look at your offerings. (I have to tell you, we are looking for a pre owned RV with a small budget.) After seeing your new inventory, my husband approached a salesman and asked about pre owned inventory. A rather young looking fellow, Joe, took us to the main building and got us a map to show us where the pre owned RV's were. There was no effort made to take us over and show us the inventory in person. Just a map and a good luck. 
We went over to the opposite side of the road to look at the inventory. There were no prices listed, so we had no idea if an RV was in our budget range. As we were looking at the RV's, we saw other people being chauffeured by salesmen in golf carts with bottled water. THEN we saw Joe, the original salesman we spoke to, helping another couple! What was so bad about us that we didn't merit help? Did we look poor? Did we not have a big enough budget? Was our goal of an RV to take to weekend trips to Disney not good enough? I guess so. Then, to top everything off, as we were exiting one of the 5th wheels on the pre owned lot, the stairs shifted underneath me and I fell... OUT OF THE RV! The attached photo shows the bruise I attained to my left forearm from the railing that also shifted underneath me. 

So now let's review: 
1.No one to show us around. 
2. No prices posted. 
3.Our original salesman picked other people to help. 
4. I literally FELL out of an RV, hurting myself. 

We even tried to look up the prices of the RV's we liked on your website. I put in a contact request & was promptly called back by Lily, but then she said she could have Joe (yes the same Joe) call me back with pricing information.(I mentioned falling and Lily did apologize, but had little else to say.) I declined that offer and asked for someone else to call us. Lily then said she would have someone call me the next day after 9am. I agreed. And I waited. And waited. And waited. No one called. 

So unfortunately, We will be looking elsewhere for an RV. It upsets me that we were basically judged by our appearance. I hope you will ask your sales staff to treat everyone more respectfully in the future.

Then the ass kissing began. 

I got a phone call almost immediately after sending that email. The guy, Jason, asked me to explain what happened and I told him again how we were blown off, ignored, and then hurt on their property. He apologized profusely and asked if we'd give them a second chance. He would set us up with a salesperson who would personally take care of us and show us what we wanted. I told him I'd have to ask HHH and that I'd get back to them. HHH wasn't going to be interested. He said he'd never go back. I told HHH about the email and the call, and he was actually amenable to going back, so I emailed we were available for Saturday afternoon.

We got there and a nice lady came out and showed us around the place. She showed us the mechanics shop, the cabinet shop, the upholstery shop, the switch lot, the campground on site, and the pre-owned lot. She showed the kids all kinds of RV's because they thought RV-ing was a tent  with a bucket to poop in. She then asked for our budget and, after we told her what it was, proceeded  to only show us RVs that were $2000 to $4000 over that budget. She never showed us the one we had originally asked about that was in our budget.

We can't win.

We were nice. We thanked the woman who helped us. We left. It was an informative visit. I learned a lot about what I do and do not want in an RV for our family. We have already figured out that we will probably be shopping from Craigslist or the newspaper, (They still have those, right?), for our RV as the prices weren't inflated like at that dealer. 

So, sorry LazyDays RV... Thanks for trying again. Hope you can sucker someone else next time. I have lovely bruises to remember you by!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

To My Son As You Leave Elementary.

On Monday, Jr's teacher sent home a secret note to all the parents of 5th graders. She asked for a letter to give to the kids at their celebratory picnic on Thursday. It is supposed to be a letter of encouragement and praise as they transition from elementary school to middle school. I thought about it for two days, and came up with this...

Your Dad and I are SO proud of you. You are so bright and talented. Every morning, when we drop you off at school and I say, "Be Epic!", you have never let us down. You have such a big heart, and such a kind spirit it glows. As you leave elementary school behind you, I know you'll face every challenge ahead with the same perseverance and level head logic that has served you so well.
So, in the immortal words of Dr. Seuss:
"And you will succeed. Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety eight and three quarters percent guaranteed!"

I think he'll enjoy reading that on Thursday.

Monday, June 3, 2013


(With apologies to Journey.)

Thought it'd be fun in the summer sun,
Checking out RV's for family time.
Looked at one, thought it'd be just the one,
Then we went to walk out the door.

They say RV's ain't no place to start a vacay.
Go get a hotel is what folks say to me.
But payin' that much for a bed ain't always economic for me.
Oh man, I want an R-V, but then I fell out of one.....

Circus life under the big top world,
Thought that I had fallen a mile.
Through space and time, falling felt so slow,
Then I forearm blocked all the railings...

And being with me ain't easy on my marriage.
HHH has to deal with all my faults.
Like being a klutz and falling out of a 5th wheel door.
Oh man, so glad you caught me, when I fell out of that door...

Ow, ow, ow-ow,
Ow ow ow ow-ow,
Ow, ow, ow, ow Whoa OW!