Monday, April 29, 2013

Monday Thinks It's A REEEAAAALLLLL Funny Fucker!

So Monday. Ugh, am I Right? I usually don't have a bad Monday at the beginning of the week, but today was "special". 

  • Started off with the garbage truck at 5:55am.
  • Then the train at 5:59am.
  • Got up and running and realized Eldest left her lunchbox at school on Friday so had to locate the backup lunch box for her.
  • Got lunches made.
  • Took Eldest to school.
  • Had trouble leaving the school lot because some fucking kid keeps half closing the gate you use to get out, making it nearly impossible to get back on the road.
  • Leave to take Jr to school and have to sit through 4 red lights because some fucker doesn't have the balls to make a left turn if there's a car withing 1000ft of the intersection! (WTF?!?)
  • Decide that waiting any longer is stupid & cut through the church parking lot.
  • Get back from Jr's school & get Mo together so we can leave.
  • Drop Mo off & go to work.
  • Get surprised with getting to work with Penny again!
  • Go to first house & clean it up.
  • Go to second house. Have lady from second house booby trap me by placing a half opened Mountain Dew on a dresser, (when I wasn't looking), that explodes like a Bellagio Fountain when I accidentally knock it over while vacuuming.
  • Threw myself on the grenade that was the exploding MD bottle before it could spray the entire room with soda.
  • I smelled like Mountain Dew for the rest of the day.
  • I was sticky for the rest of the day.
  • Finally finished with the last house and went back to base.
  • Drove home.
  • Sat down to take a tinkle and discovered my period had started.
  • Ate dinner.
  • Did an impromptu load of laundry thanks to Aunt Flo showing up unannounced.
  • Took a shower. 
  • Got in bed at 6pm.
So yeah.... the soda shower, Aunt Flo, morons who can't turn left at a green light..... 

Monday must think it's a reeeeaaaallll funny guy!

How was your day?

Friday, April 26, 2013


So.... the Consuelas.

They don't like me. More to the point, they just aren't fond of me. I get it. Different cultures, I'm the new guy,  I'm not willing to get to work a half hour earlier than necessary.... I could keep listing differences, but I won't. Then, the Boss Ladies hired another girl to work with us. She's Caucasian, like myself. She's perky. She's pleasant. She reminds me of Penny from Big Bang Theory. I finally got to work with her Friday.


Total 180 from the Consuelas! We motored through the day without a care. (Well, we did have an alarm incident at the first house, but that was the client's fault!) I was refreshed & happy at the end of the day, rather than beat down and dragging. It's amazing how someone else's attitude can just kick you in the samosas!

When I was getting ready to leave, Boss Lady caught me and asked how it went. I said I was pleased to work with Penny. She said good. She also tried to tell me that it wasn't that the Consuelas didn't like me, but that they liked working with each other better. I said I understood, but it still sucked. Boss Lady said that was ok though, because Penny & I were going to be a team after next week. 

I am TOTALLY COOL with that!!
Adios Consuelas! Hello Penny!!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Just Can't Win.

So we all know the Consuelas aren't really fond of me. Lately, now that there is a new girl who came on board, I've been paired with Consuela #2 and slowly but surly, she has warmed up to me. Before this it was always, "You too slow.", "You have to learn to hurry up.", and "You need to go FASTER!". It was so bad that every time I turned around, one of them was spying on me and racking up reasons to bitch at me. To combat this, I got faster. I don't like faster because when you rush you run the possibility of missing something or screwing up or even breaking someone's chachkies! 

Wednesday Consuela #2 and I were moving along at a good clip. We'd get to the house, she'd tell me I had a certain amount of time to finish my section of said house, and I'd get my ass in gear and do it. We started at 8:45am and finished at 2pm. Not bad for a 3 house stint. 

Then I got a text message from one of the Boss Ladies. 

"You and Consuela #2 finished an hour early. Which house took less time?"
To which I responded, "I don't know. She says I have to be done by a certain time, and I just go with that."
Then Boss Lady comes back with, "Please be careful to take your time.", and then I go into the fact that for the past couple of months I've basically just doing what ever the Consuelas tell me to do because if I don't, they get really pissy with me. Boss Lady comes back and says I shouldn't be defensive about them "correcting" me on my cleaning and YET AGAIN I have to point out that it isn't the corrections I resent, but the constant barrage of "GO FASTER!" that gets on my nerves. Hell, I welcome someone catching a mistake I make so I have the chance to correct it, but hover over my ass when I am trying to give 100% awesome service and I just wanna hip check a bitch into the suicide seats. I requested she say this all to my partners in work as well. I don't mind working hard. I work damn hard to give awesome service, but don't cramp my style yo!

So I guess I just can't win. Trying to please everyone is gonna tear me apart. Now I wonder what my reception tomorrow is going to be? And also, why was Boss Lady harping at only me? Something tells me Consuela #2 threw me under the bus.

If she did, I may just make Friday my last day. 

Sunday, April 21, 2013

I'm A Sniveling Coward!

When I was a kid, I lived in a family where my mother smoked like a frickin' chimney. This, in turn, caused me to have MASSIVE ear infections that kept happening all throughout my childhood. Back then Doctors hadn't made the second hand smoke/recurring childhood illness connection yet. They talked about tubes, special meds, everything to try & knock these things out, but no go. It was only AFTER I moved away that doctors realized second hand smoke was causing my illnesses. Gee, thanks guys. Anyhoo... in 10th grade, I had a doozy of an ear infection that was so bad, it burst my ear drum. You have to be way sick for that shit to happen. (Never could figure out why they didn't take me to the doctor that time.) Another side effect was I now have a fluid imbalance in my inner ear and have episodes of unbalance every once and a while. I have to use visual cues to keep my brain thinking straight. This means that if my eyes are closed and I'm standing up, I'll fall over. It also means if I ever get pulled over by a cop & they ask me to take that roadside test where you close your eye, stand on one foot, and touch your fingers to your nose... I'm gonna fail while being stone cold sober! Shit! 

Thanks to the inner ear imbalance, roller coasters became dangerous ground. I'd get pretty darn close to puking if not actually puking. The drops felt HUGE even when they weren't. The turns & corkscrews sent me into a dizzy spells. I started having panic attacks anticipating the worst. Once the panic attacks started, I no longer rode roller coasters. The end.

Enter last Saturday.

Once I turned 40, I felt like I needed to crack down on my fears. Fear of roller coasters was one of them. I was determined to beat. To that end, I said I'd ride Disney's Big Thunder Mountain Railroad before 41 rolled around. Back in the day, I rode it before the ear fluid loss and enjoyed it very much. So, on an overcast Saturday morning, I followed HHH and my two youngest children onto the ride. I did great at first. No run away heart beat, no hyperventilating, no panic. I was great all the way till.....

..... they snapped the lap bar down!

Then I started hurriedly saying, "I can't do this! I can't do this! I can't do this!" HHH turned around and tried to comfort me, but we were already moving. The ride had already started climbing the first hill. 

I started BAWLING!!

Yup, seems the quickest way to turn a 40 year old woman into sniveling baby is to stick her on a roller coaster! I was in full panic attack! It was so bad my 14 year old held my hand and kept saying, "Hold my hand mommy. It will be ok.", over and over to me as we wound down through the dips and dives. Not my finest moment, I will admit. In fact, it was down right embarrassing!  We arrived back at the station and got off the ride, and my legs were jelly. It took a good 15 minutes till my heart quit racing. I mentally checked my pants and found them dry and unsoiled, which surprised me greatly. I was..... ALIVE!

I had done it. I beat the ear! I rode a real roller coaster (Not the kiddy kind) before 41! I may not have done it gracefully, I sure didn't do it calmly, but I did do it! I rode a roller coaster. Now...

Let's never do that again!(maybe)

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Stuff That Happens When You Try To Have A "Last Minute" Trip.

  • Something goes right and you get off work an hour early.
  • Something goes WRONG, and your kid's school goes into lock down for the next 3 hours.
  • You pick up all your kids(finally!) to surprise them with a trip to Disney.
  • The weather, which promised to be in the 80's, decides to stay in the high 60's/Low 70's.
  • You make good time getting to your hotel.
  • Said hotel tried to rip you off immediately.
  • You get to your overpriced room & find mold all over the roof.
  • This is waiting for you in the shower... 
  • The wind whistles so loudly outside your room you can't sleep.
  • The view from afore mentioned crappy room is of the roof. Like from every window & the balcony. As in you could hop the balcony railing and walk around on the whole roof.
  • You want OUT of the crappy hotel so much that you leave & get to the Magic Kingdom 45 minutes early and able to see the opening ceremony.
  • The weather is overcast & chilly so the park stays pretty empty & you can pretty much walk on to every ride, even the big ones.
  • You get on Thunder Mountain.
  • You have a panic attack while on the start of Thunder Mountain, as in a drastic, crying, freaking the fuck out panic attack.
  • Your 14 year old daughter has to hold your hand so you will stop freaking the fuck out on Thunder Mountain.
  • You can't walk after getting OFF Thunder Mountain.
  • You spend the day getting new collector's pins for your lanyard.
  • After doing every ride at MK, you take the monorail to Epcot.
  • When you get to Epcot, you hit Test Track first and go in the single rider line so you can photo bomb the tourists.
  • You eat the world's best nachos!
  • You decide to head home because it suddenly gets WAY cloudier & colder. Fuck you Weather Channel Online!
  • You end up having an awesome time with your family!
So yeah... won't be recommending the Royal Plaza Hotel in Downtown Disney any time soon, but we had fun at the parks so it made the day better!
What did YOU do this weekend.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


I got called off for work today so I have time to write a post. Whoo to the Hoo, right? So here goes...

  • Boston: I am still kind of pissed off about the bombings at the Boston Marathon. Something that was supposed to be a triumph for the runners turned into a tragedy for both the runners and the spectators! That some asshole who was looking for 15 minutes of fame for his hair brained cause or manifesto could take the joy away from those people disgusts me. I saw on Twitter where people were jumping on the idea of wearing racing shirts from races they had been in as a show of support and solidarity for the people of Boston and the runners. Well, I haven't been in any real races, but I do play derby, so I wore my SRG jersey to work yesterday. We are with you Boston!
  • My earlier thought that the Consuelas would not be as abrasive towards me when I'm working one on one with them was wrong. I was paired with Consuela #2 this week while Consuela #1 worked with the new girl and OMG! She has been an ultra bitch to me. In fact, the only time she was nice to me was yesterday when she wasn't paying attention to her driving, fell off the road and into a deep rut that almost flipped the truck! We fishtailed, spun, and landed back on the highway. During this whole thing I sat quietly and ate my Cheez-Its while she shit her pants. I guess she felt guilty about almost killing us!
  • I'm still trying to get the Brandon Brawlers up and running. No one seems interested. This makes me sad. :(
  • Eldest is running in the District Track Meet today. I am sending out good juju for her. She really wants to excel at this! I am excited for her journey.
And now I am out of things to write about. Hopefully I'll get more blog fodder from work on Thursday & Friday!

Monday, April 15, 2013


I thought my day had gone shitty. I had to work alone with one of the Consuelas and she was a class A bitch all day. I finished the work sheet tired and filthy. I got in my truck, drove home, and hopped in a shower. It was only after shopping in Wal-Mart for misc. goods that I saw the tweets....

  1. Cell phone service in Boston cut as authorities seek to prevent remote detonation -- WATCH:
  2. Update: police "no specific evidence" on threats before marathon.
  3. SWAT teams with automatic weapons now at Brigham & Women's Hospital, where many of the injured were taken. Reasons for presence unknown.

(Photo by John Tlumacki/The Boston Globe via Getty Images)

OMG! How? Why? WTF? I am the mother of a runner, and I also run. Eldest does track and has her sights set on Cross Country next year with a future view on marathons. How DARE some 2 bit piece of shit asshole try and take that from her and every other runner out there with this fuckery!!! I am PISSED OFF!! The Boston Marathon is a time honored tradition. Boston is one of our oldest, most historic cities. That some dumbass and his dumbass cohorts thought this would be a good way to get their point across is just... OMG I don't have the words for it! I am beyond having words to describe it!!! I guess the POTUS said it best when he addressed the nation with...

POTUS Obama: We still do not know who did this or why; but make no mistake, we will get to the bottom of this

Make no mistake, your days are numbered fucker! And you better hope that the authorities get to you first rather than the multitude of Bostonians who would gladly knock out all your fucking teeth and beat you within an inch of your LIFE for daring to desecrate their city with you bullshit!! 

In solidarity with Boston, I tweeted this...

I'm not a runner, so I don't have a bib/runner shirt, but I WILL be wearing my Bombers jersey tomorrow in support of Boston.

And I will. My thoughts are with Boston, the marathon and it's people. #ForeverBoston !!!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Slogging Along.

New week, same shit as the last week.... and the week before that.... and the week before that.....

I feel like I need a change. Working is getting me out of the house, the kids have their activities, HHH has guy friends from his work to occupy him when ever he feels like getting out, but me... I feel like I've lost something. I don't really play derby anymore. We moved away from my last league and they dumped me even though I said I'd come back once we recovered financially and purchased a car. I've tried to start my own league here, but truth be told that isn't working out. Anyone with interest in it has lost touch with me and I can't do it on my own no matter how many folks think it sounds "killer awesome!" I've tried the old color your hair method for a change and that didn't work either. Sigh....

Maybe I'm just in a funk from the mid winter blues. Except in Florida it's in the 80's now, so it feels like summer has already hit. I don't really have any friends close. Closest is my derby wife in Carrollwood and he works nights.

Maybe I just need to get away.  

A vacation sounds nice. 

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Pep Rally!

Since the Consuelas are such bitter workmates I have to psych myself up to go to work. I've been listening to the Wreck It Ralph soundtrack lately, especially the Owl City track!! At least there are only 2 houses Friday!


Wednesday, April 10, 2013


  • So lately the Consuelas have been being surly asses, but that's not news. 
  • Karma has come to my aid and Consuela #1 has been on a breaking spree. She ruined a $5000+ pedicure chair Monday, then broke something else in an initial clean house on Tuesday. Thank you Universe!!
  • I saw the most squee thing EVER while driving to work yesterday. I pass by a Miniature Horse farm and in the field was the cutest, fluffiest baby foal EVAR! OMG I thought my head was gonna asplode from the squee! And of course the field was across the street from a school so I got to experience all that squee at 20mph.
  • When I got into the truck with the Consuelas Wednesday morning, I asked them if we still had 5 houses to clean. (Sometimes they cancel the night before.) Consuela #1 looks at the boo and says, "No, we have seven." I answer back "Great!" in the cheeriest morning voice I have, to which she replies, "No, we have four." with a look of disgust and a shake of her head. Really lady? I'm cool with tackling 7 houses and spoil your joke so you have to be a jerk about it? Sigh....
  • I love to be a cheery person to service folks and our clients. A happy face and a bright hello can surprise a LOT of people. When cashiers rattle off a greeting to you and I answer back, they almost jump out of their skin! Our older clients who are home when we clean like having someone to talk to. The Consuelas aren't that talkative, s I win in that respect!
  • A new girl is starting work this week. She's training for a week and then she'll get thrown into the mix. And it's another Caucasian girl too. I'll be glad to go back to 2 person teams again. Less houses and maybe the Consuelas will be less acidic if it's not me vs. both of them.
  • Yesterday I cleaned a toilet that was covered in poo. Like speckled all over the bowl, rim, & seat with crap. I'd have been more upset if it wasn't the bathroom of a potty training toddler. Still, why were they letting their 2 year old use a big potty with no assistance?
  • I have Thursday off!! Whoo to the fucking hoo!!
And that's about it for now. I'm sure the Consuelas will make me miserable on Friday, so I'll have more to add later!

Sunday, April 7, 2013


We live in what I like to call a small, boutique apartment strip. It's small, there are only 6 units here, and it is VERY quiet. After all the nonsense we put up with at HHH's workplaces(can't complain when your job is riding on it.), it's nice to just relax & keep to ourselves. The complex next door to us, however, makes this difficult. It's not the best. They routinely have police & ambulance call outs. Back about 7 months ago when I blogged/tweeted/FB-ed about gunshots coming from the apt complex next door, I was talking about this place. There have been domestics out in the parking lot. There have been kids fist fighting. It isn't pretty.
To make matters even more "enjoyable" There was this yesterday...

By the time it was all said & done, there were 7 fire trucks, one ambulance, and 3 fire chiefs over there. I'm not sure what the fire was caused by, but I'm betting it was a grease fire. All the fires at the complexes HHH worked at were from people leaving food frying on the stove, it catching fire, and the dumbasses threw water on it! 

So on that note, I REALLY HOPE everyone changed their batteries in their smoke alarms back when the time changed. And also please have an emergency plan with your family for times like this. Watching a few parents in the parking lot next door frantically looking for their kids was heartbreaking,(till they found them & started yelling "WHERE WERE YOU?" at them.). It's all about the safety people. 

Let's all be safe!

Saturday, April 6, 2013


Now that I have been cleaning for a few months, I seem to be noticing decorating trends that the rich folks in FishHawk are doing. IKEA has really been big with these people. I've noticed whole rooms that have been lifted from the Ikea showrooms. I also have seen that the "distressed" furniture trend is widely accepted over there too. It will only be one piece in the whole room, like a distressed hutch in the dining room, or a distressed dresser in a bedroom, but the one trend I have really noticed is....

Family photos in the bathroom.

WTF is THAT all about? I understand that you are proud of your family, want the world to see, and even later generations of your own family have a chronicle of your existence, but in the bathroom? SERIOUSLY?? I can just imagine being at a dinner party, excusing myself to use the guest bathroom, and suddenly stopping mid stream, and running away screaming, panties around my ankles as I look across to the opposite wall and see this...

Ok, ok... they aren't all that bad, but seriously, I wouldn't be able to do number 1 or number 2 if the couple's three year old is staring down at me from the wall. And some people put multiple photos in the bathrooms. A happy couple beaming maniacally at me does assure that I will wash my hands, but it creeps me out in the process. Oh how I long for the days when people would theme out their bathrooms with matching rug/curtain/towel sets!!

So what do you think? Decorate the bathrooms with tons of photos of yourselves or just go with a theme? 

Thursday, April 4, 2013


I got my cut of the tip today!

We were cleaning a house and as I finished up the kitchen the client came down stairs to look for her check book. She found it and wrote out the check and handed it to ME along with a $20 bill. I was excited because I finally had a chance to fix the stupid ass situation that was going on. I walked right over to the area the Consuelas were working on, and in my loudest, country white girl accent said...


Ha ha ha. They both looked at each other and you could see it on their faces. "Oh shit! The white girl saw the tip! Now we can't take it for us!" I mean, I totally... I could SEE it in their faces! (And I also know what they are saying in Spanish, but I'm not going to clue them in on THAT little tidbit!) So we went the rest of the day cleaning and when we were done and back at base, I stuck around till they finally figured out what I wanted. MY TIP BITCHES! 

Yeah, it was $6, but damn it, it was MY $6 and I wanted it after all the BS I've been taking the last month or two! 

I am SO GLAD tomorrow is Friday!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013


I guess they really don't like me working with them. I'm talking about the Consuelas again. Today we get to the 2nd house and as I'm putting the mop & bucket down in the kitchen I saw the check the client left along with 3 crisp dollar bills. (Yeah I know... a whole buck for scrubbing shit outta toilets, right?) Well, just to see if the Consuelas were really gonna stiff me when I know they saw me look at the money, I left it there and went about my merry way cleaning. We finish, get back in the car, and leave to go to the next house and no tip. I waited till the end of the day to see if maybe they were gonna share it when we got back to base, but no. No tip. Were they really in need of that extra 50 cents they got cheating me?

Now it's almost a big joke to me and honestly? I'm just gonna say FUCK IT. If they need that little bit of money they can just have it. I'm better than that. WAY better than that. Oh, and I'm still as polite & kind as ever to them. That part hasn't changed. I hold my tongue  clean the hell out of everything I come across, and do it with a smile.

Damn, being a grown up sucks.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

We're All Adults Here, Right??

Tuesday sucked.

I have been nothing but polite, accommodating, & helpful to the Consuelas. I pull my weight and always help carry the stuff to and from the truck. I have never given them a reason to dislike me.

I really think they dislike me.

I've noticed things over the past week or two. Things like I'll put a new bottle of stuff in my cleaning tote for me to use when we go to client's houses and the next day it's been replaced with a half empty one. Or I'll have specific vacuum attachments in my bag (They're numbered, so there isn't any mistaking it for someone elses.) and it disappears the next day. It's bullshit. 

Today it got worse.

We were cleaning up the first house and as I was taking stuff out to the truck to reload, I noticed Consuela #2's window cleaner bottle was broken. The top of the sprayer had snapped off. I took all the cleaning buckets to the truck and said to myself, "Well that has to suck." I finished bringing the rest of the stuff to the truck while Consuela #1 replenished the cleaning buckets for the next house. We finish, load up and head to the next house. After we get there, I grab my stuff & go to my part of that particular house to start cleaning & you know what I saw? 

The damn Consuela had taken my good window bottle and replaced it with the broken one.

That's a dick move yo. 

I was livid. I wanted to march right over to either one of them and take my shit back. What the fuck did I do to them to make them keep treating me like shit? It's ridiculous. I hope Boss Lady hires another person & gets them trained soon so the Consuelas can go back to working together and I can get away from their passive aggressive stupidity. Oh, and you know what the kicker in this is?


That's how I KNOW they probably dislike me.