Sunday, March 31, 2013

Arguing With Idiots.

Last night I was bumming around on Twitter waiting for my kids to go to sleep so I could put their Easter Baskets out and for the umpteenth time I saw someone on Twitter...

"Dear World, Easter Sunday. Not about the bunny. It's about Jesus Christ going to the cross w/ the weight of all our sin so we can be free."

And suddenly I was just so tired. Yes, I understand Christianity says this "holiday" is about Jesus dying for the sins of man, yadda yadda yadda. I get that. I went to church as a kid. I attended Sunday school. What I don't get is Christianity's intolerance for other people who don't believe what other's are spouting. Maybe they're of a different religion. Maybe they're Atheists. So I tweeted back politely...

"Unless that isn't your religion, then it's just Sunday with chocolate."

And I thought that was that. Wrong-o. I wasn't denying this person their right to believe and celebrate Easter how they wanted, I was just contesting the fact that it seemed as if they were taking it upon themselves to "educate" the rest of us about what the holiday is SUPPOSED to mean. So then I get this back...

"Without Jesus & w/o His sacrifice for us it is nothing. And that possibility is very, very, eternally sad."

And I'm just a little put off. Totally missed the point I was making. So I try again...

"Unless it isn't your religion. Respecting others doesn't have to be about forcing your beliefs on them. Have a wonderful holiday"

And still I get....

"No disrespect & I'm certainly not forcing my beliefs on anyone. Just speaking about . It's not the chocolate."

So I figure, fuck it. Some folks can talk a great game when it comes to tolerance, and living in harmony with the world, but when it comes down to brass tacks, they want it their way or the highway. Those wide sweeping tweets folks make in an effort to educate the "world" are just as offensive as when tweets are made lumping all political parties in to a catagory, or when women lump all men into the lying dog catagory, etc etc etc. I'm sure this person will have chocolate in their kid's basket after they go to church. I imagine they will hunt eggs and have a nice meal. Then they will look down their collective noses at the rest of us who just don't believe the way they believe. So I left it with.....

"Only for you & people of your beliefs. Some of us aren't wired up that way. Have a lovely holiday."

And I went to bed. Later this morning, after my kids slept in and had chocolate for breakfast, I saw that the person I was polite to had to have the last word...

"Thanks so much! I'll be praying for you!"

Sheesh. You can't win, but then it isn't about winning. It's about coexistence. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013


So, I am back in the cleaning game as most of you are well aware, and because of that fact, I get to see a side of folks that usually stays hidden. The "dirty" side. Most of our clients are either rich young couples, older retired people, or young families with a shit ton of kids. They all have their own challenges. The families usually have rooms FULL of toys. In fact, they have so many toys for each of their kids that I feel like I need a snow shovel to clear off the floors just so I can vacuum. Then you have the older retired people. They have tons of keepsakes, pictures, and knick nacks that are extremely breakable and take forever to dust. And with the young rich couples, well, they have all the newest toys and gadgets. Electronics, Lego builds, and TONS of photos from their, oh, so elegant wedding. It's the same thing, no matter what the house, only the amount of bed/bathrooms changes.... oh, and also.....


I'm not kidding either! No matter the age, gender, or affluence, none of these people can piss IN the toilet. Every day I am cleaning pee up off the front, back, top, and bottom of the toilets along with the surrounding floors. It really doesn't bother me, but still the fact remains... what are these people doing when they pee that it goes everywhere BUT the toilet?? I'm voting that they are doing yoga when they urinate.

What do you think?

Sunday, March 24, 2013


LOL! My 14 year old daughter photo bombed the ride!! How could I NOT buy the souvenir pic???

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Where Have You Been?

If you don't follow me on the Facebook or the Twitter, then you don't know we're at Disney this weekend. This is a major step back to normal for us. We lost everything back in October, and slowly but surely we are getting it back. 

Just in time for the Flower & Garden Show. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Aw Crap!

Did 4 houses today. The first 3 were ok. The last one was a different story.

I got the back half of the house to work on. A simple upstairs bonus room and then two bedrooms and a bathroom.Piece of cake, till I got to the bathroom. It seemed that they had had a clogged toilet at some point in the past week or so. It also apparently overflowed. I guess it must have been really stuffed up cause it looked as if they had to cut the toilet out of the floor and clean it out to reinstall said toilet back in place. The genius who did the job was apparently a moron because when they refit the toilet back in place with the new wax ring seal, THEY CAUGHT THE RUG IN THERE SO NOW IT'S STUCK THERE! Even worse, if someone ever pulls that rug out of there it will break the seal and cause another plumbing problem!. Either or, I was cleaning shit (literally) up all over that bathroom. It was everywhere. 

SO that was the highlight of my day, how about yours?

Sunday, March 17, 2013


  • The weekend was a blur. HHH did some side jobs on both Saturday & Sunday and I cleaned house at home while getting the laundry done. Yay weekend?
  • We are going to Disney next weekend. This is a HUGE stride for us after the debacle of job loss and car loss. It's another step to getting back to normal. It's really important. Don't you dare laugh.
  • I am basically gonna kill myself Monday thru Thursday at work. The chick that was trying to get me in trouble by boobytrapping me has the whole week off. I don't know if she asked to be off or if she's in trouble, but ouch. I'm gonna NEED the relaxing at WDW next weekend!
  • Yawn.
  • I'm looking forward to not seeing anyone nekkid, half nekkid, or any sort of nekkid this week.
  • I can't wait to photograph the topiary at EPCOT! 
  • That's it for now.

Friday, March 15, 2013

The Naked Guy.

OK, so I have been stewing this one for a while. I don't know what it is about the cleaning gigs, but for as many clients we have that leave their secrets out in the open, we have almost as many weirdos who seem to get jollies off of us walking in on them naked, and trust me, it ain't no accident. Let me explain...

When we take on a client (Both here and back when I worked in Sarasota), the Boss Lady asks them what their preferences are for when we arrive to clean, and if they will be home or not. Most folks would rather not be home so we don't trip over them while we're cleaning. For those instances we get a key so we can enter the home, but every once in a while.... we get some moron who wants to show his goods or even better, we get a moron who "forgot" we were coming to clean. It goes kinda like this..

  • Knock, knock, knock.
  • Ring doorbell
  • Knock again
  • Open door with key
  • Announce presence in home
  • Bring in equipment (LOUDLY)
  • Lock door behind us
  • Go about cleaning job
Simple right? Only a deaf person would miss all that right? 


Last Friday, after the concussion, we went to our next house and did aaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllll that before starting to clean. We split up the house and I got the top floor while my partner got the bottom. I gather all my crap and bump up the stairs to start in the master bedroom and just as I am walking into the bathroom to put cleaner in the toilet....

"Uh, hello there!"

Naked guy in the bathroom. The fucker must have been DEAF not to have heard all the noise we made coming in. Hell, the damn dog barked up a storm! And I guess he was in there getting dressed because the closet is in the master bathroom. Either or, I didn't need that sight on the heels of my damn concussion! (Good thing it was the sorta cute airline pilot!) I apologized and practically RAN back downstairs. 

And you might think this is a rare occurrence, but no. It isn't. I had people in Sarasota who were just as moronic and I walked in on them. Ridiculous. HHH says it's the same mentality as people who let the maids in a hotel walk in on them. I say...


Monday, March 11, 2013


It never fails to amuse me that people don't hide their secrets from the maids. Like, they totally just leave EVERYTHING out in the open. Bank statements, checkbooks, medical papers, MONEY, and today's fun find... a pregnancy test! At first I thought it belonged to the nanny. It wouldn't be a stretch. A live in nanny sometimes gets into a relationship with the man of the house. I saw it before in Sarasota when I worked cleaning down there. I asked Consuela #1 if the nanny lived in the small garage apartment we were cleaning and she surprised me by saying no, it wasn't the nanny. Actually,  it was the niece of the clients who lived in that room while she attends USF. Uh, can we say oops? I couldn't make out if it was positive or negative, (I wasn't gonna touch a peed on preggie test!), so I hope she's prepared for the outcome, whatever it was. 

We maids see everything because we have to clean up your crap. The lesson here? PUT YOUR SENSITIVE SHIT AWAY!!! I don't need to know about your STDs, loan denials, or poor decisions. I certainly don't need to be accused of stealing your jewelry so put that crap away too! Just keep your private stuff private and I'll keep cleaning up your mess!!

Friday, March 8, 2013

I'm a Human Cartoon!

Just call me friggin Wile E Coyote!

I got a concussion at the first house of the day. How did I get this, you ask? Well it went kind of like this...

We arrive to the first house of the day. I get the master suite and the kid's section to do, while my partner gets the kitchen, dining, living, & laundry rooms. I found THIS in the bathroom waiting for me.

So I get through cleaning all that crap up, (and believe me! There was a shit load more where that came from!) and I get to the kid's section of the house. I look in the kids rooms and of course there's shit on the floors. Let's just leave all our crap everywhere because that's what the maids are for, right? WRONG! So I walk in the first kid's room and try to turn on the light. No dice. Light is either blown or not hooked up. Ok. Then I go into the dark ass room and open the shades. Not too much light filtering in thanks to being on the shady side of the house. The whole room is painted a dark navy blue. I mean REALLY DARK. Like, until I opened those blinds, it was inky black in that damn place! With the watery light from the window, I start picking shit up off the floor. I bend down and scoop up notebooks, boxer shorts, etc... straighten up quickly and,


I had cleaved my skull with a shelf that was mounted to the wall. And it wasn't just hung on the wall. Remember how I have been complaining that people in that neighborhood don't mount their stuff to the walls properly? Well, these folks did. Flush mounted with metal anchors, I tore that bitch ass shelf right outta the drywall! I shudder to think how damaged my head would have been if it had been mounted into the wall studs.

But that wasn't the end.

As I was crouched there, fearing to move lest I do more damage to the wall or my head, I suddenly felt a hard THUMP to my skull. Then another. Then another. THEN ANOTHER. All in all, 7 baseballs rolled off that shelf and smacked me. 

Yeah, you heard me. Just like in the cartoons, I smashed my head into a shelf, then sat there as baseballs rolled off said shelf and knocked me silly. All that was missing was the cartoon sound effects. The client came running at the sound of the crash and kept asking me if I was alright. I assured her I was ( I wasn't), apologized profusely, and assured her that it was mostly my pride that was wounded. The client wasn't worried for the shelf that got knocked down. She said they were about to remodel anyway. In reality, I was dizzy, nauseous, and a little woozy. I finished the house and texted boss lady about what happened. She asked me if I was ok and I said kinda, but I wanted to finish the day. I did finish out. Probably shouldn't have. I know I shouldn't have. I knew I had a concussion because I felt like I did the last time I got one in derby. It wasn't as bad though. I wasn't confused or not able to think clearly. I went home & made cupcakes & dinner for my birthday girl. That proved I still had all my mental faculties!
 I do have a HUGE headache though!

Oh, and I walked in on a naked guy today too, but that's a post for another day.

How'd your Friday go?

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Not Everyone Appreciates The Cleaners.

Just ask Lil' Mama the Chihuaha. We were at our last house of the day. It was an initial first time clean. We had instructions from the clients to let out the two dogs that were in the laundry room while we were cleaning, then put them back up when we were done. No problem. We all split up the house and get to work. The Chi named Lil' Mama keeps following us  around, but ran & hid when ever we got near her. I thought it was cute till I smelled something. I turned around and it seems Lil' Mama took exception to our cleaning all those great doggie smells out of the house! She had pooped AND peed on the rug in the second bathroom!

Guess that'll show us!

Monday, March 4, 2013


Birthday #1 down. Birthday #2 is on Friday. Wish me luck on the chocolate buttercream bacon cupcakes!

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Pew-Pew, Pew-Pew....

  • Made the above cake for Junior's birthday, which is coming up on Monday. He'll be 11 and officially a "Tween". It looks just ok, not really great. I know I could have made it better, but the carpal tunnel I had a while back has returned with a vengeance now that I'm cleaning again. He picked a Mario Bros. super star from the game. I think he'll like it. 
  • The cleaning gig is still going ok. I finally got a definitive answer from the ladies on just how I'm supposed to clean things. I now trust no one and I clean the holy living shit out over every room I'm assigned to. After being dumped alone at a job, sabotaged, booby trapped, and purposefully shown the wrong way to clean something I don't trust anyone there. 
  • Gwynnie Bee! OMG, @whatsanana turned me on to this site called Gwynnie Bee which is a Netflix for clothes!! It's awesome! You can try 3 garments out at a time, (or more for a higher fee.) and you get unlimited exchanges and choices! I can try out clothes, wear them for as long as I want and then send them back and try new clothes. I already tried the first three items sent out and I can't wait to send them back and get new stuff!! Addictive!
  • Starting the new derby league isn't going so great. No one ever comes to the practices. I may give up on it because with the job, my family, and everything else I have on my plate I have almost no time to run a league. Plus, you know.... no one wants to join.
  • King of the Nerds pisses me off. Not that the TV producers are taking advantage of a group of individuals who should know better, but the fact that these nerds don't even realize when they're being manipulated by each other!! OMG haven't these people ever watched ANY of the reality shows that have basically taken over the airwaves??? LEARN THE TELLS OF PEOPLE LYING TO YOUR FACE!!!! (rant over)
Ok that's about it for now.