Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Contractor's Special

Since beginning work for the cleaning company, I've noticed they mostly wok in the FishHawk area of Lithia.   It's a community that basically exists because a developer bough a shit load of land and started making a planned town there. All the houses are almost exactly like their respective neighbors. The only difference I can see is the mini neighborhoods vary in price with some being more expensive so the houses are bigger or better equipped. There's also another, more sinister aspect that I've taken note of in each of these places....

The Contractor's Special.

Yes, yes, the contractor's special. It is EVERYWHERE in FishHawk. What is a contractor's special you ask? Well, you know how when you go to Sam's Wholesale, Costco, etc... and you get a better price for buying in bulk? Same thing, only this contractor's special always includes the cheapest, most flimsy things you'd use to build a house. Sounds awesome, right? WRONG!!

If you pay $500,000+ for a house in a snazzy neighborhood with an HOA, lawn care, and a fancy clubhouse in every hood, you think you'd get a good toilet and toilet seat right? Nope. All I have seen are the thinnest of thin cheap plastic toilet seat on stock toilets connected to the water supply with cruddy poly piping. You know what all that will get you? A HUGE plumbing problem a year  down the road when the poly gives way or the seat cracks out. The same contractor's special shit is all over those houses. Cheap tile, cheap cabinetry, cheap windows. It doesn't end.

So my question is... how much profit are these construction companies, real estate companies, and HOA's making off these places? If the cheapest house I work in is $450,000, I wanna say they are making at least 60% if not more. Highway robbery! And these people probably have no idea they are being ripped off! I am so glad HHH knows what he knows. We won't get ripped off. Hell, we were able to negotiate a better rent because HHH knows what he knows. Hell, HHH is redoing the bathroom for me here. 

You get what you pay for? Apparently not in FishHawk!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013


So, that photo up there happened today while the Consuela's and I were out cleaning. I was worried about the weather all day when I looked online and saw the weather warnings. Word like "severe" and "Tornado watch" were bandied about excessively. I drove all the kids to school and went off to work myself.

I got there and it hadn't started raining yet, but it was coming. Finally around 11 the bottom fell out. It was pretty damn funny watching us try and scramble in and out of the houses. It came a windy, howling, downpour. After watching it go by, I saw that photo above when I checked my phone on the way to house #4.


Now, I have lived in Florida for a LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG time. Hell, in 2011 I sat through a tornado in our truck as it passed over me in Valrico! When it comes to weather, I always have a plan no matter what. I got to thinking.... when we are out cleaning, we need to think about where to go should a sudden weather emergency happen! I immediately looked for the lowest, inside, windowless room n the very next house.

What gets me is, I have been in weather before and even while cleaning before and have actually had clients say "You'll grab my patio furniture if a tornado comes, right?"

Uh, not just no but HELL NO!

If I see something like that coming my way I'm gone. Fuck the vacuum, fuck the outdoor furniture, and sorry bout your luck if you didn't make the closet before I slammed the door! Only thing I'll slow down for is to grab the dog or cat in it's kennel!

Cause that's how I roll in the severe weather hood, yo!

Monday, February 25, 2013


I'm off work today, and considering  the fact that I was almost arrested not once, but TWICE last week, I'll take this day to enjoy my freedom!!!

But I'm still gonna clean up my house. I got priorities yo!

PS- If I was gonna go to jail last week, it would have not been for stealing jewelry out of a client's home, but the case and a half of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies I found!!!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Can't Win.

So Thursday I was wrongly accused and almost arrested for a crime that ended up not even being a crime. I stated on social media that my goals for Friday were... "To clean faster and stay out of jail." That, however, didn't happen. I was sooooo slow cleaning. I don't know what was wrong. Maybe the new houses threw me for a loop. Maybe the house split still feels foreign. I don't know. What I do know is I was a snail compared to Consuela #1 I was partnered with.
Our last house? Yeah, the lady forgot we were coming and left the alarm on. Yup. I was all "Hi officer. No we aren't robbing this house, unless you count all the dust bunnies & dog hair I just vacuumed, har har." That went over like a lead balloon.

Why can't cleaning toilets be simple??

Thursday, February 21, 2013


No, not you guys. I'm addressing the asinine jerk that accused myself & the Consuelas I was working with of stealing. Let me explain...

Our team was on a 5 house stint on Thursday. We weren't scheduled to finish till 4:30. We hit the last house and right when we were finishing up Consuela #2's phone rang. It was boss Lady #2. suddenly the whole air hung heavy with dread. Boss Lady #2 showed up and we all had to go outside and listen while she explained to us that the owner of the house we had completed before this last job had called to report 2 rings had gone missing from her bedroom dresser, rings that cost around $1100. I instantly turned out my pockets & asked Boss Lady to go through my stuff. She did. I even offered to submit to a pat down. It didn't go that far, but we had to drive back to the client's house where the woman marched us up to her bedroom and we were interrogated. It was stupid. Both Consuela #2 and I said there were no rings on the tray the woman was swearing the rings were on when she left her house. Boss Lady said thank you and we had to march back down stairs and wait while she talked to the client. During that time the client's boyfriend came into the house & started in on Boss Lady. He got loud & belligerent. He got ugly. Boss Lady came down and said for us to go back to the truck. As we got in the truck, the client's boyfriend came out & asked if the trash we took out was in the can. We said yes and he went to check the bag, but instead decided to come get in our faces. He was loud & belligerent again, saying we knew we took the rings and it was up to us whether one of us or all of us were fired and sent to jail and just as those words left his mouth the client came down and said...

"I found them!"

Fat bastard turns around with a snap and yells "WHAT!??!" 

Yeah, that's right you fat fucking bastard. Turns out the rings were "misplaced" by the client in the first place and you getting in our faces was a big mistake. Huge. Then he comes back & tries to apologize to us by saying "I'm sorry, but what would you have done in my situation?" I turned to him and said, "You should have called the police and had them search the truck & us. You shouldn't have gotten in our faces." He just pfft at me and left with a wave of the hand. If I didn't value my new job I'd have gotten out of the truck and told him exactly what I felt he could do with those rings.

Just because you're rich doesn't mean you can treat the help like shit. I don't care what your last name is, where you live, or how big your bank account is, if you accuse me of stealing you better be able to back it up with proof or I'm gonna call you on your bullshit. That fat bastard was sooooo lucky. No piece of jewelry, wad of cash, or trinket is worth my job in this economy. Fuck you. If I never go back to that house I won;t be sad about it. 

So how was your Thursday?

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

A Few Helpful Hints from Your Caucasian Consuela.

Back in the cleaning game a week already and I have a few tips & pointers for all of you folks out there who might be looking to hire on a cleaning service. It's probably something I said back when I was working cleaning the first time, but it bears repeating. A LOT!

  1. If you want us to clean your place correctly, make sure it's in good repair. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I will be cleaning in a multi-million dollar house, I reach up to dust a picture or a shelf holding family heirlooms and the damn thing falls off the frickin' wall! WTF?!? You will spend hundreds of thousands for the damn walls, but won's shell out $20 for a hanging kit? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Isn't grandma's china she brought over from the old country worth more than a ten penny nail in the drywall with no supporting sink? Please, please, please invest in this stuff people.
  2. Speaking of good repair.... That also goes for your plumbing, electrical, and windows. It's hard to clean properly if the faucet or sink drain doesn't work. It's dangerous if we try to plug our vacuums into a malfunctioning outlet. I don't want to die doing this. The scary part is some of these people have young children and I'm sure the danger is even greater for them! Fix your shit people!
  3. No amount of vacuuming will make cheap ass rugs look newer or better. Sorry. No vacuum in the world will make your cheap Wal-Mart knock off rug look like the Persian master work that hangs in the flooring showroom downtown. It just ain't gonna happen. Riding my ass asking me "Can you vacuum it again because it doesn't look good." isn't going to make it new either. Go buy the real thing. it lasts longer & looks a hell of a lot better.
  4. Upkeep is key. You see us every 2 or 3 weeks. How can you stand not cleaning your house for 2 or 3 weeks? Do you really leave the crumbs, garbage, pee, etc..... waiting for us that long? Seriously?? Do a little upkeep folks. Take pride in your multi-million dollar investment. A broom & dustpan won't kill you. 
  5. SQUEEGEE! I don't care where you live or what kind of water softener you have, water will leave etch marks in glass shower doors if you leave it to dry, not to mention the spotting. I can't clean etch. It's permanent. You will have to buy new glass & pay to have it installed. Know what could have saved you hundreds of dollars? A $5 squeegee. Take the time to squeegee your doors & side glass if you have it and DO IT EVER SINGLE TIME. Don't let etch happen to YOU!
And that's about it for now. I'm sure I'll have more as time goes on, but these are the ones that just popped out at the moment. Now go scrub that toilet!!

Monday, February 18, 2013


Getting shafted by the other cleaning ladies sucks. Really, really sucks when it's the end of the day and they were supposed to help you clean a business, yet they just shove a mop at you and say "BYE" without so much as a "Do you need help?". 

I was cleaning a hair salon at the end of the day. It was my fourth and final clean of the day. My original partner had an appointment to go to at 3pm and I got to my truck, loaded up supplies, and headed out to the salon where I would supposedly meet up with the second team of ladies & we'd clean the salon together. Well, I started cleaning,...... and cleaning,...... and cleaning.......

Yeah. They didn't show. 

I thought I was going to be unable to mop the floor. My partner didn't give me my mop handle as I loaded up my truck and the shop didn't have one available for me to use. I cleaned the WHOLE salon, (it was BIG!), and then texted my boss about needing a mop. She said not to worry and that the other team was 15 minutes out.

It took them 30 minutes.

I go meet them in the parking lot and I guess I should have known something was amiss when they didn't even turn off the engine of their truck. Consuela #1 hands me a mop handle & hops back in the front of the truck. I ask if they'd like to check my work (It is only my second week), and Consuela #1 says " you do good job. I no check.". 2 seconds later they lit out of that parking lot. 

I was surprised they didn't bark the tires.

So, I go in and mop out the place, all the while saying to myself, "You gotta be KIDDING me?!?" I finish up, pack up my shit, and head back to the home office to unload & go home. I meet up with Boss Lady #1 and she seems surprised I am there. She's even more surprised when I tell her what took place. Then she got PISSED. Apparently she had specifically told team two to help me, not fuck me over. I didn't care at that point, I just wanted to go home. I was tired. My feet hurt. I was hungry. Boss Lady #1 apologized and I said it was ok as long as I get all the time in for that client. No sharsies on that one!

So I guess it was "Haze the new lady" day at my work. Now I wonder what tomorrow is gonna bring.

Week Two Start!

Now on to week 2 of the cleaning job and if I am interpreting this correctly, I may have parlayed this into a full time gig. Well, as full time as cleaning can be. I was told at the interview that this was a part time gig, but when I got the text from the office yesterday, that asked me to work Monday thru Friday. Go me, I guess. I told them I had cleaned commercially for hotels, offices, and residential before. I guess they just wanted to test me. I must have passed.

I wonder what they have in store for me this week?

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Week One, Done.

So, back in the cleaning game and week one is in the books. I thought it went well. Only problem I had was I accidentally knocked over a figurine & broke it. I reported it immediately to my co workers who called our boss and I offered to replace it out of my own funds. Only reason it fell was the home owner asked me to use her personal dusting cloth & it still had the tags on it. That damn tag just caught on the figurine & pulled it down. Lucky for me, it turned out that figurine had already been broken and the home owner wasn't upset. See? This is why people should let us use our own things. We specifically have items to dust & clean with that won't grab stuff and knock it over.

I noticed a few things were still the same. I noticed people who employ cleaning services mostly have HUGE frickin houses, yet they're hardly there. Why have a big old house if you only go there to sleep? Also, most of the time the houses they have are way too BIG for their needs. Family of 4? Oh, those people had a 6 bedroom, 4 1/2 bath monstrosity with 2 game rooms, formal dining room, etc. You get the point. Most folks just needed us to dust all their crap. Hell, one house had all their Christmas decorations still up! Yeah, they're home a lot. I guess if you want those big houses, you gotta work all the time to pay for them.

So now I wonder, what am I gonna see next week?

Thursday, February 14, 2013


Following in his mama's & sister's foot steps, Junior was inducted into the NEHS on Tuesday. So very proud of my baby boy & his big brain!!

Saturday, February 9, 2013


No one really takes care of me when I'm sick. Sure, HHH will make me brekkies, but when it comes to making sure the house stays clean & in order.... yeah, not so much. I just don't get how my family can live with all the chaos they induce! Oh well. I gotta go clean up something. Ah-Choo!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Mrs. Clean.

So I went on an interview today for a cleaning job. Seems to have gone well. I asked a lot of questions on how they do their cleaning, how many people they have, where their boundaries are, etc. I may have confused the woman at one point. Hopefully they liked me, and I can start for them. I know I'll pass the background screening. (I'm sooooo boring.) 

Nothing like cleaning up other people's crap, right?

UPDATE: I got the job. I start tomorrow. If it's one thing I know, then that thing is cleaning!

Monday, February 4, 2013


Last night's Super Bowl was excellent. I love a nail biter game where you aren't sure who's going to win until the very end. I saw a lot of missed calls on both sides though, and that disappointed me. What disappointed me more was the nit picky fights that seemed to pop up after every play. Pushing, shoving, and being a jerkwad happened a LOT! It may just be me, but when you have entered the realm of professional sports you should be above pushing & shoving like a 5 year old at little league. 

The commercials were a bit disappointing too. Yes there were a few good ones (M&M's, Budweiser, Best Buy.), but there were tons of weird ones, so weird they ended up being gross or uncomfortable (Go Daddy, Doritos, Calvin Klein) Most funny for me was the Hyundai "Epic Playdate" ad and the Rock's Milk Mustache ad. So funny, yet family friendly. Still, the days of amazing Super Bowl ads seems to be waning. Probably the result of a sluggish economy and having to cut spending and all. One can only hope that next year will be better.

Don't ask me about halftime. The band geek in me wants it to go back to marching bands & twirlers. The. End.

The best part of last night was when the lights went out in Half the Superdome! That was hilarious! Even funnier were the Tweets about the #Blackout. In seconds someone had a faux Twitter account set up for @Blackout and it had 10,000 followers immediately. Then the jokes started rolling in. They covered everything from the 49'ers pulled the plug to slow the Raven's momentum to someone blaming Clark Griswold & Dr Doofenshmirtz for blowing the lights! Too funny. 

So the Ravens won. They fended off a 49'ers surge in the 3rd quarter that more than likely would have been blamed on the blackout if they had won. I went to bed shortly after the Lombardi trophy was awarded. It was a good evening.

Now to count the days till next fall!

Friday, February 1, 2013

Find Your Derby Happy.

It hasn't even been a week. It's only been 4 days. 4 DAYS!!! 

My new Renegade Roller Derby team has been formed for 4 whole days and already I have had word from people in derby circles that the new coaches and board of directors of my last team, the PCDD/Revolution RD have threatened the skaters. They are saying if any of them come and try to skate with us, even part time, they will face repercussions from the BOD and sanctions from the league.

Wow. Just.... wow.

I am disappointed. Disappointed that a group of closed minded individuals have decided to write off a form of roller derby that they have never even played. Disappointed that people are giving grown adults a "My way or the highway." ultimatum. Disappointed that, in one case, it almost feels like a personal attack on me because of the shit I stirred a month or so ago at a former league when I called them on their bullshit.

This is not the roller derby we present to newcomers when we have recruiting events. We put forth an all inclusive, non discriminatory league when folks ask us about what we see in/get out of roller derby. That's all well and good, but if you don't put your money where your mouth is, it begins to ring hollow after a while. 
I wanted to start a team where everyone has a say in what this league does. I wanted to start a team where the love of the game doesn't get eclipsed by the bullshit maneuvering that Coaches & Boards of Directors usually end up doing. I wanted to start a team that plays not because they need attendance points but because they love playing the game. 

Work hard, play hard, kick ass, have fun. Seems like a simple idea, but apparently not one that is embraced by the other forms of derby. 

Game on!