Monday, December 3, 2012

Dear Toy Makers: Kiss My Butt!

Remember the days of old, where Christmas was about family, friends, & being together? Yeah, me neither. When I was a kid, Christmas was about getting out of school for two plus weeks, hanging out with my friends at the skating rink(we didn't have a mall.), and Gifts! Oh yeah... I was a spoiled brat! I counted every box, bag, & brightly colored package under our tree to see what kind of haul I was getting. Then after Christmas Day I'd arrange the opened gifts back under the tree so if friends came over, they could gush over my booty! I remember asking for stuff like an Atari 2600, Life the board game, and a synthesizer because back in the 80's it was popular to play Axel F to impress your peers.

Fast forward about 25 years. Now I'm married, have kids of my own, and it's time for me to make a "pile" under the tree for my own children. Now that we are in the new millennium the toys differ. Instead of an Atari 2600, mine are asking for a Wii U. Instead of the board game, they want new games for the XBox. Instead of a synthesizer they want a tablet to play on & listen to music. It's crazy. I asked them what other, off beat kinds of gifts they'd want and to my horror my two youngest asked for a Cotton Candy Machine! At first I thought they were pulling my leg, but I looked it up on line & lo and behold Cra-z-art makes a small, at home cotton candy maker marketed to kids!!! WTF?!? My two are Type 1 Diabetic!! They do not need a cotton candy machine! My kitchen doesn't need to be covered in candy floss sugar either. Nor do they need their next choice, which was a 7-11 Slurpee Maker! OMG, this one made a list of the worst toys for 2012 holiday season by the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood group! It says to use your favorite juice or soda as a flavoring, but we all know mom & dad are gonna go out an get the syrup they sell at all the big box stores. Empty calories? Check. Loads of sugar? Check. On my shit list? DOUBLE CHECK!!! Don't we have a childhood obesity epidemic going on in this country?? Last I checked, we have an everyone  in America obesity epidemic!

So in conclusion,  Dear toy makers, Kindly fuck off. Today's kids do not need extra slurpees at home. They do not need to make their own cotton candy and ruin my kitchen in the process. Stop trying to fatten them up & kill them with sugar. I'll not buy my kids any of that hoo haa. 

Now... where's my Frogger game cassette??

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