Friday, November 30, 2012

Let THEM Eat Cake!

It takes a strong woman with a big allergic reaction to gluten to make a candy coated, multi colored cake and eat NONE of it. Yeah.... what can I say? I'm a bad ass!

Thursday, November 29, 2012


How the hell did this happen?!? When did 16 just sneak up on me like a thief in the night? 

I'm not old enough to have a 16 year old kid. I'M NOT, I SAID!!!

Her sense of humor is wry. Her wit is sharp. Her loyalty steadfast.

On this, her 16th birthday, one of the best gifts I can offer her is wisdom. Wisdom about life, philosophy, and the best time of day to purchase fresh bread. 

So here's where you people come in. What wisdom would you give a freshly minted teenager? Don't believe the hype? Old Coke beats New Coke? Batman is actually Billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne??

I know the first thing I'd tell her is DON'T JUMP OUT OF MOVING GOLF CARTS, but I think we already covered that last summer.

So leave my daughter your Wisdom for 16 year olds.

I love you baby! You are gonna be the best 16 year old ever! The word is your oyster! Shuck that bitch!!

Well, damn.

Just when you thought it was safe to be a part of something, someone goes & changes the dynamic. I'd like to say it wasn't expected, but even with assurances from important people, it happened anyway. Now all that's left is the finger pointing and spinning of facts till it looks like no one is to blame. It had happened before elsewhere, and I'm sure if I can stomach another go, it will probably happen again. It's just how the beast works. I wish it didn't. I'd like to belong to a group where everyone is valued, not just the people who are all up in kool aid at the moment. People have lives. People have jobs. People have bad things happen that suddenly have to take center stage in their life. It happens. Just because it does happen doesn't mean you throw those people away. It especially means you don't promise those same people nothing is going to change, then change it all over night. It is NOT better to ask for forgiveness than permission in this case. It just made you look like an insensitive ass.

I'm sure I'll move on. Any contribution I made will be belittled & forgotten till suddenly it is as if I was never there. That has happened before too. Let's just hope for the ladies I leave behind that someone gets the message and doesn't do this to another group of hurt or otherwise life occupied members. Don't say "We'll be there for you!" if you don't mean it. It sucks for those of us who have found out it was only for show.

Former Skater Out. Peace.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012


Went to Jr's field trip today. I didn't know much about it except that the school once again is underfunded and couldn't send an attendant with him so I went along. The permission slip only said that it was a special trip that only a handful of students got chosen for. No problem. Got him all signed up, got myself checked out by the county background checkers to make sure I'm not a hardened criminal and we were off! First thing that was interesting was I was told to dress like a teacher or room assistant. Ok? Then I was asked not to wear my parent/chaperon badge on my shirt. Ok again? When I asked, it turned out this was not just any field trip, it was the 24th Annual Steinbrenner Family Children's Concert at the Straz Center for the Performing Arts. An annual tradition started by George Steinbrenner to bring music to underprivileged kids. That was the only part I didn't get. Jr's school picked the kids based on good grades & citizenship in school. 

Anywhoo... we got there and were treated to a lovely concert by the Florida Orchestra emceed by John Wilson from the local TV station. 

It was wonderful, and as the music played beautiful Christmas carols, I couldn't help but get misty hearing the lilting voices of almost a thousand children from all over the county sweetly singing Jingle Bells. 

And it was paid for entirely by the Steinbrenner family. The bus, the tickets, the Straz Center employees.... all of it. Just so some good kids who deserved it could watch a great concert, listen to a baseball great like Tino Martinez read "Twas The Night Before Christmas",  & get out of class for the day. In a word...Nice. And it was just for the kids too. I was pretending to be a 'medical attendant' because they specifically said in the letter to the schools that there were to be no parent chaperons. This was solely for the kids. Once again... nice.

And after the concert, the giving wasn't over. As the children filed out of the Straz Center, they walked past the entire Steinbrenner Family and each child got a Yankees duffel bag filled with goodies.  Jr got his from Joan Steinbrenner herself. There were DKNY teddy bears, Yankee themed school supplies, a pair of Dri-Fit socks just like the pros wear, and lots more.... oh, and the replica Yankees '99 World Series ring. Baby boy dug through his bag right away and gave his to me. (Such a sweet boy.) When it was all said and done, we got back to school four and a half hours later and I had another great memory with my son. 

I'd like to personally thank the Steinbrenner Family for their generosity. It is a wonderful thing they do for the children of Tampa & Hillsborough county by carrying on George Steinbrenner's legacy of giving back. 

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Elf on the Shelf.....

.... Can go fuck himself.

I need to let it be said that I can not stand "The Elf on the Shelf". Can not stand it. The face on those little things is just creepy. The story is even a little creepier. Supposedly this little spy is Santa's lookout to if you have been naughty or nice. Um....ok. What a little narc! And the expression on this little dude's face? It reminds me of a scary, overly caffeinated 1950's advertisement for some sort of wholesome foodstuff. {shudder}

The premise behind the "game" is kinda creepy too. Parents are supposed to move the elf after the kids have gone to sleep at night so that when the little ones wake, they think the elf moved on it's own in a bid to get covert information on their naughty & nice activities, thus encouraging more nice than naughty behavior! (Guess the elf hasn't checked out Mommy's bedside "special" drawer yet.) Yes, I know it's supposed to be cute and a tradition for the whole family for generations, but really? It just messes with my head. Creepy doll moving around the house in the dead of night, maniacally smiling his grin of death... NOT FOR ME!!

So no.... the Elf on the shelf can go fuck himself, cause I will not partake of his freaky lil' self!


Saturday, November 24, 2012

Merry Christmas.

And no, I haven't put up my decorations yet. Don't rush me!! PS-I really wanna make a wreath like this for our door this year!

Friday, November 23, 2012


I did not go shopping today. It wasn't really by choice so much as we are broker than broke right now and will probably stay that way through the new year. Still, I haven't felt the need to go out & shop in the wee hours of the morning since my son was 8 months old and I thought he HAD TO HAVE a certain educational toy. I got there at 4am that year because 5am was the earliest Toys R Us opened at the time. (It was about 10 years ago.) I got into the store ok, but the checkout line was horrendous. We waited 2 and a half hours just to check out. After that I swore never again. 
Over the years I would peruse the sale ads in the newspaper and online and the one thing I kept noticing was that these so called "Door Buster Deals" would claim to not be available after the Black Friday crush, but no sooner had the mayhem died down when from the bowels of the store rooms would come an entire PALLET FULL of the item in question ready to be displayed till empty. So, where is the incentive for me to get out of my warm bed at god forsaken hours of the morning just to be first to get that ridiculous item on my shopping list? No, I do not need that.
Also over the years, I read & watched the news stories trickle in about the violence that erupted on Black Friday. Pepper Spray, fist fights, people being trampled.... How can you justify getting a low price on a game system as an excuse for trampling another human to death? How can you live with yourself knowing little Jimmy's precious toy cost someone a visit to the ER because you tripped that someone and they got hurt running to the toy aisle? You can't. They are just things. Things will come, and things will go, trust me...I am an EXPERT on that kind of thing. You can always get more stuff, but a family having to go without their loved one because they died in a mass Black Friday stampede isn't cool. 
I was glad to see that 2012 didn't have any BIG Black Friday meltdowns. Here in Florida we had a couple of people get shot at a local big box store, but police aren't sure if that had any connection to Black Friday. I'm hoping it didn't. Now don't get me wrong, I am not begrudging all Black Friday shoppers. I know of some good people who make a plan, know what they want, yet they are kind to others shopping with them. That's what Black Friday needs, some compassion from the shoppers. Don't scream at the clerks or cashiers. Don't power elbow your fellow consumers. Don't be a jerk. The world has enough ugly in it right now. If you don't believe me, just turn on CNN and watch it for a while. The world is a messed up place right now. Don't add to the monstrosity.

This year? I'll be lucky if HHH & I can even afford ONE gift per child. One really inexpensive gift. I know a lot of folks up in the northeast that got smacked by Hurricane Sandy are in that same boat. Just like the families in Indianapolis who's houses blew up....  just like the Hostess Bakers & workers who will be out looking for jobs instead of gifts... I could go on. I guess I'm saying one thing here and that's Please Please Please be kind. Don't be the black in Black Friday.

Show the color of love instead.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


Even though they are part of the family, don't give too much people food to your fur kids!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

How I feel When...

... When someone or a retail store tries to force Christmas on me before Thanksgiving has come & gone.

As Grumpy Cat says...... 


Friday, November 16, 2012

Things To Eat In Place Of Twinkies.

So it was announced that the food giant Hostess was going to shut it's door and sell off all it's assets. Seems a strike by it's workers has put the company in desperate financial straights. So in memory of some folks' favorite snack cakes, I offer a list of things you can replace them with.

  1. Little Debbie Snack Cakes. Come on.... these are the superior snack cakes anyway, so why the hell aren't you stuffing your pie hole with  boxes upon boxes of Swiss Cake Rolls?!? What?? You prefer those Hostess cupcakes with the squiggle of white icing?? TOO BAD BITCHES!!!
  2. Entenmann's. Little individually wrapped muffins? Check. Boxes of donuts? Check, Cholesterol shooting through the roof? CHECK! All I know is, if someone comes for my all butter French Crumb Cake, shit's gonna get REAL!
  3. Merita Sweet 16 Doughnuts. Yes yes... I know that Merita sold this brand to Hostess, but I am hoping that in this close down debacle Merita will reacquire the brand and start producing them again. They were an integral part of all my pregnancy cravings and by GOD! They cannot disappear from this earth.
  4.  Fruits & Veggies. Because, you know..... THEY'RE HEALTHY!!!

The Highlander of Snack Cakes

Thursday, November 15, 2012


  • I have been averaging 3 miles a day.
  • Thursday I did 6.
  • by Christmas my ass should look fan-fucking-tastic.
  • HHH broke our 42" TV when we had to move.
  • He wants to rent one and  I am putting my foot down & saying NO.
  • I have decided to live on a cash basis from now on.
  • I need to figure out a birthday gift for Eldest. She's getting shitted for her 16th because of HHH's & my bad choices.
  • My kids got featured on the Mom It Forward Daily Dose of Gratitude page. Gotta say, they are just freakin cute!
  • Living in a small place has me feeling all cozy, but where the hell are we gonna put the Christmas tree?
  • Had a friend marvel that we moved & put up all our pictures, shelves, etc in 3 days. That's what moving 20 times in 10 years will get ya! Efficiency.
  • I don't have a dishwasher anymore. Can we say Gilligan's Island??
And that's it from here.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012


I'm THAT mom who goes all out for her kid's science project display. This year he did his actual project with HHH, so all I was in charge of was the aesthetics. So yes, we got the Art Skills string lights and the LED light up stars and the big backboard with the detachable header. I wish they had had stuff like that when I was in school. I LIVED for science fair season. (read that as NERD)

Oh well.... time to wire up that nuclear reactor & get the yellow cake uranium. (jk Homeland Security.... JK!)

Monday, November 12, 2012

Thank You.

To all who serve and have served, I'd like to say thanks. Because retailers like to use this day of thanks as an excuse to part you with your money, I thought maybe you'd spend so me $$ on a business who gives back to our Vets. 

Thanks again for keeping us safe.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Now That The Election Is Over With...

Photo found on here, but is also credited in the photo itself.

...Can we get back to the really important issues? Like the Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays debate? Thank you EVER so much!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Just Do It.

You have one job to do today if you are a registered voter in these United States......

Doesn't matter for who, doesn't matter for what, just get out there and do your civic duty. Our predecessors fought for us to have this right. Don't wuss out!

Thank you.

Monday, November 5, 2012


I'm a 40 year old woman. I live with my family. I am married to a man and I have 3 children. We don't make a lot of money, but usually we aren't poor. I play a team sport which is very difficult. Over the last two weeks I have been judged by strangers & friends alike.  Judged for things like...

  • Whether or not I was registered to vote.
  • Whether or not I was allowed to vote.
  • Whether or not I was capable to parent my kids.
  • Whether or not I was making sound medical decisions for my children.
  • Whether or not I was a lesbian.
  • Whether or not I was a drama llama.
  • Whether or not I was allowed to say what I wanted on MY social media outlets.

It's ridiculous. I should be able to look however I want without an older couple assuming I'm not registered to vote because I have green hair. I should be able to wear what I want without conservative neighbors whispering about me being a lesbian. I should be able to say what I want on my social media outlets without being attacked by "friends" saying I am a drama llama and maybe I do something to deserve the bad things that happen to me. My husband says we never leave high school and perhaps he's right, but I hope for a future where my children can look, do, and be anything they want without the fear of someone talking about them behind their back in furtive whispers. 

It's not the outsides that count.... it's what's inside. Everything else is just glamour.

Saturday, November 3, 2012


This sign says ....


All of their lights were on. There were Halloween decorations in the yard. The porch lights were on also. That house got egged about 30 minutes after I took that photo. I wonder why?

Thursday, November 1, 2012


For trick or treating with the kids I threw on a bunch of stuff from my derby closet. I thought it was "normal" for me and I realized my mistake as soon as we it our first couple of houses. The looks, oh the looks...... one would have thought I'd dropped out of the sky from Planet Fabulous! Being election season, I got most of those "looks" from the houses that had Romney/Ryan signs in their yards and also from the house that had the giant "JESUS SAVES" banner on their garage. Once I took stock of what I was wearing, we decided I was the Gay Pride Fairy and that's why I was receiving all the disapproving looks! Just like I got evil looks from the blue hairs in the voting line the other day. Just like I get weird looks when picking up my kids from school. Restaurants. Shopping. EVERYWHERE! Personally, I could care less. I spent the first 35 years of my life trying to fit in to what everyone told me I needed to be. I'm not getting blocked in ever again.

Judgement. It ain't cool no matter what age you are. 

And that's the final word from the Gay Pride Fairy!!!!