Friday, September 30, 2011

The Kitteh's Revenge.


Lately I have had a little problem, well... make that a 12 to 15 pound problem. Yes, I'm talking about my cat, Fluffy.

It seems now, whenever I go to use the bathroom for, "business", Fluffy breaks in and demands I pet him. Oh yes, I said BREAKS IN AND DEMANDS TO BE PETTED! He reaches under the SHUT door, grabs onto the bottom of the door, wiggles the door till it dislodges, and walks right on in. I swear, this animal has thumbs. Anywho, he just walks right in like he's visiting Mordor and meows as I'm trying to concentrate. And don't say just ignore him because then he sits on my feet. If sitting on my feet still doesn't get him attention, he starts gnawing on my toes and ankles. Actually BITE THE SHIT OUT OF MY ANKLES!!

OW!

Fluffy didn't start doing this until just recently. I began wracking my brain for when he started this behavior. After a moment I recalled it was a month or two ago, right around the time I put chunky butt on a diet.

REALLY?!? Oh yes. The cat is exacting his revenge for smaller portions and low fat cat food by annoying me on the shitter. It's crazy, but true.

Vindictive damn fuzzball.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

DMV: Take Two.

So, I had to go back to the DMV yesterday to re-register our new car. The tag runs out today so you know... off to the DMV I go. I do have to say, it went better than I expected.
  1. Went to a DMV that was 10 miles farther away than my local one. Why? Because I was in and out in a matter of minutes rather than hours! If I had gone to the closest office, I would probably have waited for forever yet again.
  2. I had called ahead the day before to find out what all I needed to make a smooth transition. Yeah, I had done the same when I was trying to get my license renewed, but this time I asked so many questions I think the people on the phone were wondering "Who the hell IS this woman and why is she interrogating me!?"
  3. I had cash. Apparently the DMV doesn't take credit or debit. I saw 3 people get turned away because of this. I also made sure I had enough cash to take care of my most expensive option. I also saw people get turned away for this. They only brought enough $$ to take care of the least expensive problem and hoped for the best. Yeah... that doesn't cut it at the DMV.
So it was pretty easy. Paid less than I thought I'd have to and boom... I was done. I did have to jog back inside because I realized that the clerk kept my proof of insurance. I was so glad it went smoother than my Drivers License fiasco.

Strange enough, when I Four Squared my location, I became the mayor of the DMV office. That's not exactly a good thing, but at least I didn't have to see Patty & Selma from the Simpson's!!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

What Fuckery Is This?

I'm sorry, but the guy mentioned below had just had half his leg eaten off by a SHARK! You're telling me PETA has nothing better to do than try and warn people, "Hey buddy, if you go fishing, a shark's gonna get ya!"?? This is why no one takes PETA seriously and also why I will always see the letters PETA and think, People Eating Tasty Animals. Jeeze.....


In wake of shark tale, PETA plans anti-fishing campaign for Manatee

- rdymond@bradenton.com

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is using CJ Wickersham's survival of a shark attack to bring its anti-fishing message to Manatee County.

“We are glad that Mr. Wickersham will be OK,” said Ashley Byrne, a spokeswoman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, also known as PETA.

“But we hope after this painful experience he will consider the terror and pain that fish feel when they are impaled and suffocated to death and consider taking up another pastime.”

Wickersham was attacked Saturday while fishing off Anna Maria Island. He suffered a serious injury to his leg, and was rescued by his friends.

PETA is looking to either put up a billboard or bus bench advertisements in Manatee County in response to Wickersham’s spear fishing.

“Sharks attack and kill to survive, but we humans can choose not to eat fish or go fishing,” Byrne said.


Read more: http://www.bradenton.com/2011/09/28/3530822/in-wake-of-shark-tale-peta-plans.html#ixzz1ZIVDUAXl

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I Did It Again.


I had a whole idea for something to blog about and BOOM.

Gone.

Please enjoy the cute cat photo above. I will now go wallow in my old age absentmindedness.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Caption This!


The lovely Malice In Rollerland & Motion To Strike Her doing a breadbasket drill, but still....

CAPTION THIS!!!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Scenes From A Bout.

Dyna-Mo's team won Saturday.

She did really good, but she wasn't as physical as she's been before.

Jr. had a blast, as usual.

We couldn't find Mo's white shirt, so I had to make one out of left over letters. I couldn't tell if her numbers were big enough!

My two goobs laughing it up during warm ups.

Why do they look lost?

Dyna-Mo jamming for her team!

There were some monster jams Saturday.

And in the end, Morgan's team prevailed.

A good day all around!

Friday, September 23, 2011

BOUT DAY!!


Ok, today we'll be having another bout for the kids. They do such a good job of skating! I'll be photographing the event again! I love to capture the electricity on their faces as they wiz by! Yay!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

PTA/OMG/WTF???


This is the face(and hair) of a serious parent, don't hate!


Went to Junior's Open House last night and OMG!!!

His teacher is wrapped!

Wrapped as in that woman is so tight, if you stuck a lump of coal up her ass, you'd get a diamond in less than a week! While all the other classes had teachers just roaming around the classroom, talking to parents here and there, this woman had us all sit down and went over the 4 page newsletter she sent home THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! Oh yes, and then she went in depth and even more detail than the newsletter was originally! Holy crap! And there were 4 more handouts!

Then there was the look. You know the look..... the one you get when you are wearing something that the teacher of your child's class disapproves of? Yeah... that look. Apparently, red/pink hair with black highlights is frowned upon in her establishment! Add to that I was wearing my derby jersey and yeah, I may as well been a leper to her. (All the other parents that were there as well.) Oh well, Derby Girl problems and all that! I never said I wasn't trouble! Lucky for us, Junior had the most stickers, 100's on all his work that he showed us, and no trouble marks.

Can't wait till the next open house!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Moo.


I got my Klout perk today in the mail. 100 mini Moo cards. I set mine up for derby to trade with other skaters when we skate bouts. They're cute! Tiny too. I can't wait to trade off with other skaters now!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Middle School Warrior!


So my darling girl Mo has been in Middle School now for a few weeks and things seem to be going swimmingly. I worry about her. She's very small for her age and most people think she's the same age as her nine year old brother. I worried that because of her small stature she'd be a target for bullies right away.

Every day she hops into the car at after school pick up and regales me with what has happened that day. Usually it's "I didn't get lost today!", or "I had a good math day.", but more and more it is, "I didn't beat the crap out of anyone today."

Yes, she actually says that.

Why would a sweet 12 year old little girl say this as she is getting into the car at the end of the day? Because she actually means it. She has been approached by several kids, (both boys and girls), and they have tried their best to pick on her. Now, Mo is small, but like her skate name, she's a Dyna Mo! She uses several different ploys to ward off bullies. She uses the Loud Voice. That's where, when someone tries to annoy her, she will yell at the top of her lungs "Leave me alone, STOP bullying me!" and gets the attention of everyone around including the teachers who have a zero tolerance rule at this school. She also does the Evil Stare/Crazy Eyes thing too. She uses that one on her brother quite effectively and it seems to work with the school kids as well. Then, when all else fails, she does the "Do the right thing", and tells an adult in charge.

She used "Do The Right Thing" last Friday to her advantage. There is a boy named Steve who is in a great many of her classes. This is a big, slow, rude boy according to her. He has already tried to bully Mo by taking her food and rubbing it on his crotch (sexual harassment), or by calling her name out in class to bug her. She has been handling him very well and I have given her permission to kick him in the crotch if he pulls the food thing again, but Friday he apparently crossed the line. Friday Mo saw him grab a boy's collar from behind and start choking the boy. Like REALLY choking him. The boy was crying from not being able to breathe. My tiny warrior ran up and screamed at Steve as LOUD as she could and startled him into letting the poor crying boy go. Then she ran to the principal and instantly told her what happened. Steve got called up to the office and when Monday rolled around, Steve was suspended. Friday afternoon, as Mo was getting into the car, she asked me, "Mom, is it ok for me to hit someone when they are hurting one of my friends?" That was when she imparted the whole scenario to me and I had to think about it. Do I support violence or do I reinforce the schools objectives even though the schools seem almost powerless to stop bullying? So I compromised. I applauded her for her quick thinking and for helping her friend, but said violence to stop violence should always be a last ditch effort, otherwise she might be seen as the bully herself. We talked about it, and I think she understands.

My Dyna-Mo, she is a girl like none other and I love her to pieces!! Fight on, my precious!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Our New Experiment!


Eldest asked me for a blog the other day.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

That's my OMG-ometer going off. I realize she's getting older and wants to write, but oh man.... I'm going to have to keep a close eye on this one. So after looking at all the options, we decided on a Tumblr. It is short, sweet, and you can pop in with any old idea you have and throw it up on there. We made it last night and she has been exploring ever since then.

Sooooooooo.... If you have the time, check out Dumb Blonde Philosophy, her title, not mine. Give her a visit and an encouraging word or two.

Thanks!

UPDATE: Ok, the link I have directs people to a log in page so we will have to work on that. As far as I can tell, her blog isn't visible right now. Technical difficulties and all that! Let's try this then.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Gotham!


My brain is fried from all the amazing derby I watched this weekend! Yeah, most of the underdogs I rooted for lost, but there were moments in the consolation bracket that blew away the winner's bracket bouts! (Can we say London vs. Montreal anyone???)

Now I need to get my ass back in shape! At almost 40 I will probably never be good enough to make a WFTDA quality team, but damn it all, I saw stuff I WANT to be able to do.... at any age!

Best part was when Wild Cherri was jamming for Gotham. She's a former Bradentucky Bomber!! Cant wait till the other regionals!!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

If It Weren't For Bad Luck.....

.... I'd have no luck at all! I have a lovely ankle thanks to a water spill on the track today. Apparently one of the junior skaters spilled their water bottle and didn't tell anyone. First Star slipped and fell, then I hit the patch and started sliding. I should have just taken the fall, but no.... I skittered around on 8 wheels and in the process,

ROLLED MY ANKLE WHILE IT WAS IN A SKATE!

Owwie! This is why you should always make sure you have a clean, dry surface to skate on. So now I have a hurty ankle. Thank God it's the end of the season.
Wonder how long it will take me to recover from this??

GOD I'm old!

Friday, September 16, 2011

For A Special Little Boy!

Remember this cutie patootie? This is Alex and his birthday was last week. Unfortunately, poor little Alex caught a bug that had been going around and was sick for the entire weekend! They had to put his party on hold and everything. That made me sad.
I fix sad by making little cutie patooties a themed birthday cake as a surprise! I did this on the fly really.... my kitchen now is too small to be grandiose in my cake endeavors, but I can pull off a two tiered, Cars themed cake. I know I can do better. I hope he likes it.

No one should be sick on their birthday. Happy Birthday Alex

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Netflix.... Or......


Netfuck-ups?

"The customer backlash against the higher rates, kicking in this month, has been much harsher than Netflix Inc. anticipated. That prompted management to predict Thursday that the company --the largest U.S. video subscription service-- will end September with 600,000 fewer U.S. customers than it had in June."



What did they think? That an America, in the grips of a bad economy, poor jobs outlook, and crippling unemployment, would shell out two times the amount of money for movies? Yeah, streaming is nice, but really, I can do without it. What with RedBox having $1 movies, and Blockbuster discounting their services, It just isn't that important, especially since some folks can barely afford to keep their internet up an running what with all the cable & phone companies upping their service fees as well.

Hope Netflix enjoys the mass exodus!

With Apologies to Ke$ha......

Wake up in the mornin' feelin' kinda shitty.
Grab my coffee I'm out the door, It's time for drop off duty,
Before I leave, brush my hair and grab a baseball cap,
Cause when I don't, I scare the kids and that is a fact!
I'm talkin' "I don't wanna get up" woes woes,
Finding those dress code clothes clothes,
Mom can I get a loan, loan.....

No stoppin', signin' all of those planners

Reminding these kids about manners,

Forgot to make the PTA banner........


It won't stop, I'm gon' drop, school blowin' my cell phone up,
Tonight, homework fight, checking math that's not right!
Tik tok, goes the clock, Is it bed time yet Pop?

(and the kids yell...)

MO O O O O OM! MO O O O O OM!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Scenes from Sunday Night!


Gearing up.


Warming up.


Pre-warm up jog.


Skating.


Pile up.


Elbow to the boobs in the back.


Opening ceremony.


Getting ready to start.


Holding the inside line.


Pushing.


Group shove!


Going for the block.



Pep talk on the bench.


Half time strategy.


Dancing at half time.


Vixen imparting strategy to us.


Positional blocking.

Yay for derby!

Monday, September 12, 2011

What The Hell?!?


I saw this on Monday and couldn't believe it. A guy is suing White Castle because he doesn't fit in the booths! The actual story is found here, among other places.

"Even though we live in a supersized world, bigger is not always better. One devoted White Castle customer is suing the restaurant chain because he can't fit into the restaurant's booths. Martin Kessman, who weighs 290 pounds, complained to management for more than two years after repeatedly knocking his knee into the tables' metal supports. After the 64-year-old New York stockbroker sent a series of letters of complaint to the chain, he received what he called condescending responses. White Castle sent him free hamburger coupons and promised that it would expand its booth sizes. But the booths were never changed and Kessman is now taking his case to federal court. He is suing for bigger chairs and unspecified damages because he says the eatery is violating the Americans with Disabilities Act. (He compares himself to pregnant women and the handicapped.) The lawsuit, however, has not put an end to Kessman's love of mini burgers. Now, instead of going to White Castle himself, he sends his wife."

The man weighs 290 pounds!!! Of course he doesn't fit in the booths!!! He probably doesn't fit in anything! And he is supposed to be disabled? How is something you do to yourself, (ie-not watch your weight & become severely obese) considered a disability??? And how does he "fix" this problem you, ask? By going on a diet, you ask? It says in the article, " He sends his wife to WC to fetch his heart attack home to him.

Just another example of America passing the buck of personal responsibility.

Nice.

Snrrzxx.

That's the sound my nose is making every time I sniff the snot back. I have an end of summer cold. It sucks ass. So, I'm taking it easy today.

Snrrzxx!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Difficult

Original Photo above found here.

This is the 10th year anniversary of 9/11. It's a pretty big deal, both in America and abroad. I remember watching the news that day. I had walked down to my in-laws place and thought they were watching a TV action movie, but they quickly told me no, a plane had crashed into one of the towers at WTC, then as we watched GMA, we actually SAW the second plane fly into the other tower! It was then we started to realize things would never be the same. I felt Junior kick me in the bladder, and wondered what kind of world I was going to bear my son into. It was so sad, seeing the scared, the worried, the hopeless jump out of the windows of the WTC rather than die a fiery death. We weren't alone though, the world denounced the terrorists and everyone who supported them. One of my most touching memories from that week was of the Buckingham Palace Royal Marching Band playing the Star Spangled Banner to support our grieving country.

Almost everyone in the US had a connection to those who perished that day and in the days following. I didn't know anyone personally. Then came the news. I was connected,.... in a serious, sinister way....

I have never really told this story. Once it was told to me, I was sworn to not impart it to ANYONE. It was going to STAY a family secret, however Eldest had a report to do this year, and she joined journalism class, and OMG.... she was asking questions, so many many questions. So I spilled.

My older sister, in a money grubbing move, married an Egyptian National for $50,000 so he could get a green card and secretly establish himself as a base of operations on Florida's East coast for Al-Qaeda terrorists.

I haven't spoken, thought, or typed those words in 10 years.

My older sister could very well be responsible for aiding in the deaths of THOUSANDS of Americans!! OMG!! How does one reconcile with that?? I'm trying very hard not to bawl my eyes out typing this. Children died that day. Mothers and fathers died that day. Sisters, brothers, heroes.... all died that day, and my own flesh and blood helped those lousy bastards get a toe hold here in America to do this horrible thing. Her "husband" was later targeted by the US government(rather quickly) and my sister was put on notice she better get a lawyer. After that, I never spoke to her again. From what I gather, she wasn't sent to jail, but apparently a hefty fine & probation was levied for fraud in order to obtain a green card.

I explained this to my daughters and son on Tuesday, a catch in my throat, tears in my eyes. Eldest thought she had the story of a lifetime till I told her she wasn't allowed to write about it, but then I thought why keep the secret any longer?

So... I'm not. I am directly related to someone who helped the terrorists commit the most horrible atrocity out country, nay... THE WORLD has ever seen!

And I'm sorry. I know it's not my fault, and I didn't do it myself, but I'm so, so sorry.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Full Brazilian!


I was watching CNN yesterday morning, and I saw a segment about the Brazilian Blowout, namely how it may do you harm. Now, when I hear Brazilian, I so totally don't think of hair.... well, I think of "hair" but not the kind on your head! (jeeze...) So after I actually started to pay attention, I realized it wasn't a waxing story, but actually a story about the FDA telling a company that makes Brazilian Blowout Acai Smoothing Solution that even though it SAYS there isn't any formaldehyde in it's product, that Methylene Glycol (which is basically formaldehyde in a water suspension), still counts! As stated on the FDA website....

Under Section 601(a) of the Act [21 U.S.C. § 361(a)], a cosmetic is adulterated if it bears or contains any poisonous or deleterious substance which may render it injurious to users under the conditions of use prescribed in the labeling thereof, or, under such conditions of use as are customary or usual. Brazilian Blowout is an adulterated cosmetic because it bears or contains a deleterious substance that may render it injurious to users under the conditions of use prescribed in your labeling. Specifically, based on FDA sample analysis, Brazilian Blowout contains methylene glycol, the liquid form of formaldehyde, which, under the conditions of use prescribed in the labeling, releases formaldehyde when hair treated with the product is heated with a blow dryer and then with a hot flat iron. Methylene glycol is a deleterious substance, which at the levels present in this product, may harm users under the conditions of use prescribed in the labeling thereof. FDA analysis of approximately 50 mg samples of Brazilian Blowout confirmed the presence of methylene glycol, the liquid form of formaldehyde, at levels ranging from 8.7 to 10.4%.


Apparently, when the product is heated by a blow dryer ot flat iron, the formaldehyde is released into the air, thus making an inhalant hazard to both stylist and customer. I guess it would be OK for the customer, since you only need a blowout every 3-6 weeks or so, but for the stylist, who maybe does 3 or 4 of these things A DAY... yeah, they gonna DIE!


And where does this leave the ghetto fabolos salon I see while driving to Eldest's school. It has a HUGE advertising flag out front of it's store that says, and I quote...


"Fahmaldahide Free Blow Outs!"


Oh yes...... It actually does say fahmaldahide. Dear God, those women actually work on people's hair!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I'm Really Back Now, Baby!


This Sunday, I make my triumphant return to the hardwood! I made the roster for this Sunday's bout against the Ocala Cannibals! To say that I am happy is an understatement! I am practically over the moon! Wanna celebrate with me? Here's what you need to know.....

Sunday, 9/11/11 at Astro Skate Bradenton. (3611 3rd Street West, Bradenton Fl.) Tickets are on sale from your favorite roller girl for $10 in advance, or get them while they last at the door for $12. Tailgate in the parking lot starts at 6pm with FREE BEER for those 21 and up. Doors open up at 6:30pm and the bout starts at 7pm. Remember, 18+ is required for suicide seating. Raffle tickets will be on sale along with lots of great Bombers merchandise. This is a special bout, honoring our community's First Responders and there is a special raffle just for them!! Please come out and support your Bradentucky Bombers!!

Won't you come celebrate my triumph over tears to the ACL?

Thanks,


Blonde!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Forever What The F%#k!?!


I saw this on TV while we were watching the Gator game and almost spewed my soda all over myHHH's 42" TV! This garment shown above is called a FOREVER LAZY. The Forever Lazy is advertised on their website as an adult footed pajama. It comes in the above "Asleep On The Job Grey", "Hanky Panky Pink", and "Work Day Blues". They sloganize this product by saying "If you want to stay warm, You need Forever Lazy, and as a bonus you get a free pair of slipper socks with your order. Forever Lazy is touted to:
  • Be made of Toasty Polar Fleece that will not pill.
  • Be available in sizes for the whole family.
  • Keep your hands and feet free.
  • Include front and back zippered hatches for when, "Duty Calls".
Um..... excuse me? Your header says you are a footed pajama, yet your list of attributes specifically states my feet will remain free? I don't think you quite get the gist of FOOTED! Honestly! And to make things even more interesting, the commercial played on the website showed young people laughing and partying at a tailgate, presumably in winter, and said, "Be the warmest fan at all your important games!" Uh... no. If I had tickets to a Gator game, or a Buc's game, or any game for that matter, I wouldn't be wearing a "Hanky Panky Pink" Forever Lazy to said game. And to top off all that?

IT HAS A MUTHATRUCKIN BUTT FLAP!!!

Really? In 2011 someone is selling the equivalent to old fashioned long johns??Can you imagine waltzing into the stadium restroom and saying, "Excuse me, can you help me unzip my butt flap? And what's worse than that? When I posted about Forever Lazy on FB, one of my derby ladies said, "Oh, my mom has one of those."

O_o

I had no words. I expressed my condolences. She said not to worry, her mom is crazy.

So, dear Forever Lazy, though you advertise yourself as the one piece lie around, lounge around, full body lazy wear, I will not be including you in my winter wardrobe. I will stick with my simple wool coat for the out of doors, and a nice throw for the indoors. You rank right up there with an IRS Audit, and the Clap on my list of things I never want to receive as a gift for any and all occasions. Next thing you know, someone will be recycling under the bed chamber pots, calling them, "Personal, On Hand Voiding Receptacles".

I guess the butt flap would be come in handy with that, right?

Monday, September 5, 2011

Labor.


We didn't do much for Labor Day. Slept in, lazed in bed, watch TV, and basically did NOTHING! That's what Labor Day is about, right? Well, it should be. In fact, the only "labor" I did today was having HHH drive us up to the Home Depot and help the kids and I pick out some full sun perennials to go out front of our apartment! I went with Purple Fountain Grass, Yellow Shrimp Plant, and some pink climbing vine! As you can see.... it's just lovely! Can't wait till it starts coming in really well. It looks so much better than the half dead bushes that were there! Heh.... there are definite perks to being married to the maintenance supervisor.

After that, it was time to pack up the car and head for derby! There I labored with the Juniors, then 2 hours with my ladies. I can't move my legs! We scrimmaged all night because we have a bout on 9/11. Hoping to get in on that action, but not holding my breath. My attendance has been spotty because of school starting. Meh... we'll see.

What did you all do for Labor Day?

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Sexy

I got a poll for you folks to take. I got to thinking the other day, "What is sexy?". Is it a certain hair color? Is it strength? Body type? Smile? What is it??

I'm Sexy Because...
  1. I'm strong. I'm not a body builder, but at almost 40 I play women's flat track roller derby. I have to train really hard. Recetly I have been trying to train even harder. I started back running after an injury to my ACL in my right knee and even added on doing roadwork on skates 2x a week. I get really sweaty and almost down right nasty. HHH says that I'm totally sexy like that!
  2. I can cook. Not just nuke a TV dinner cook, but I have catered weddings, parties, and events. I learned most of what I know when we lived in Memphis, but still had quite a bit of knowledge before then. Being able to cook good food is essential. Did I mention I can bake too? ;)
  3. I play Roller Derby. Yeah yeah... I know I said that in #1 but dude.... I PLAY ROLLER DERBY! I inflict pain and take hits from women sometimes twice my size. I have had concussions, ACL tear in my knee, rotator cuff tear, and hematomas! I have also broken bones (other people's) and inflicted just as much back as I've taken. Plus, I get to dress in fishnet stockings, tights, and short skirts. (with appropriate under coverage, of course!)
So what do you folks think? What is sexy to you?