Sunday, July 31, 2011

I'm Too Sexy For My.....

.....Skates!

Tonight is the SRQ Magazine shoot!

Wish me luck!

Sucks

This was me yesterday. Why was I in a lawn chair next to a major highway you ask?

Because of this. This is another problem in the long line of problems we have had since we bought this truck. It seemed I blew the water pump while driving home from derby practice. So the kids and I were stuck on I-75, 10 miles from the house. I called HHH and had him come get the kids from me as well as calling my emergency roadside assistance for a tow. So there I was, in full on derby dress (booty shorts, knee socks, tank top.) on the side of the road, waiting on the tow truck. Sigh..... It took over an hour, but we got it home. 1st thing Monday, that bitch is going back to the dealer. I don't want it any more. It has had so many hidden problems that we weren't told about, it's almost dangerous to drive anywhere! I give up. Luckily, HHH has a co worker who is selling a nice mini van for 1/2 price! Whew!!

Problems, I don't need!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Bias

So, I know you all have seen the photos up on FB and linked in here that were taken last Monday. They were the first pro shots I ever had as a roller girl. Aside from Prom and my second wedding, they are the ONLY shots I have ever had a pro do! I like taking the photos of people, not being in them, because I'm way too critical of myself. All I can think of when someone takes a photo of me is, "Do I look fat? Can you see back fat rolls? Do my boobs look droopy?" You get the picture. (pun totally intended!) Any whoo... I already had all sorts of bad juju emotions going on when I got tapped to be first up for photos. The only thing I asked of the organizers was if I could get a group shot of me and the kids in all out derby finest. I was told point blank, no. There would be no group shots done except for the team photos. OK. No big deal. Time crunch and all that.

When the photographer sent in the link to the pictures, I couldn't believe my eyes! There was this person in a shot with their child, here were groups of skaters together, and then there were a few skaters together! I was a little disappointed. It seemed that other people got special consideration! Then... as if that little tidbit wasn't enough, I had 3 poses taken of me. Three. They were all pretty much the same pose too. Well, once again, when I started perusing the proofs page, other girls got 6 to 7 different shots done! WTF man? Am I that poor of a subject? Lets just add to my insecurities why don't we?!!? Sigh....

Now there is a photo shoot for SRQ Magazine this coming Monday. I volunteered to be in it because it's going to be before practice that day and I'm already there for Brats practice anyway. Now that I'm thinking about it... I wonder if it's a good idea. Any of the SRG shoots we did, I was buried in the back behind thinner, younger, prettier girls. No one really wants to see the fat chick in roller derby, they wanna see the hot sexy chicks! Something tells me it's going to go like that again. I understand the concept though, sex sells, but I make valuable contributions to the team, so shouldn't I be valued and in front sometimes too? It doesn't do anything for my psyche, being shuffled to the back. It makes me feel like crap. Do I wanna take a chance of feeling like crap again? Probably not. At this very moment, I am considering spending $50+ at Sephora to get my eye makeup done for me. I'm just that fudged up about it. Sigh....39 I may be, but wisdom certainly hasn't showed up with age!

Wow, that rambled off track! So what I was actually trying to say was, Why did I get told no to a photo with my kids when others got theirs? Why did everyone else get 6 or 7 shots and I didn't? Too fat? Too old? Too ugly? Not that I can do much about that, but they sure love my fat old ugly ass when they need a couple blockers put down!

Am I that much of a train wreck?

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Next One!


Our next home bout is coming up! It's on the same weekend as our little family reunion, so I can't be there, but it's gonna be a hoot! Remember, FREE BEER at the tailgate outside the rink at 6pm, doors open at 6:30pm, and the bout starts at 7! Find my homie Bad Axe Girl in the crowd to get raffle tickets, and make sure to hit up the merchandise table to get all your Bradentucky Bomber's gear! I'm hoping to get to skate the 9/11 bout! We'll see!!! Either way, I bet I'll end up wishing I was there instead of riding rides at Universal!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

2011 Bradentucky Bombers!

I'm the dork on the right in the white jersey up front.
Can't wait for the individual shots to come out!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Whew.

Well, that wasn't too bad. All things considered, it could have gone worse. Of course I'm talking about the photo shoot from Monday night. As it was, we rode down to the rink in sweltering heat, melting as we went. South Florida is in the dog days of summer, which basically means it's insufferably humid in the morning, then rains in the afternoon. It does that EVERY. DAY. That's just Florida. Love it, or leave. Anywhoo, we get to the rink and get geared up, and I start skating around with the kids out on the floor. Only had my wrist guards & knee pads on. Didn't want to ruin the rat's nest of hair I had going on. Then we started taking the photos. Malice grabs me first and says "Go get up there." and points. I look and she's pointing to a 2 1/2 foot tall go-go stand that's about 2 feet in diameter! Oh... my gawd!! Now remember, I have skates on my feet. I shimmy up there and start taking pictures! And I didn't even fall off. After the adults get their photos done, they get stared on the kids. Goodness there were so many kids! Had to be at least 40 there tonight! I had done Mo's makeup for her. She had one eye in green shadow, one eye in purple shadow, and some mascara on her looooooong eyelashes! Add to that two braids we gave her and she was a cutie pie! Rebecca made her own make up decisions, and Junior was just Junior! So the kids take their single shots and then it's time to corral all the kids together for the team shot. That was like herding cats! So the kids get their group shot finally, then us adults get our group shot done, and then it's all over but the waiting. I get to see what the shots look like when the photographer gets them edited and processed. I stressed, but everyone said I looked fine.

We'll see.....

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Photo Shop.

Tonight there is a photographer coming to take shots of the team and individual shots of the new girls, like me! I am sort of afraid and sort of excited. I don't feel I photograph well, but then most people don't. That's why I like to be behind the camera, rather than in front of it. Problem is, I get great shots of other people with their kids, spouses, or skating, and I don't have that. This will be the first time a professional photo has been taken of me in derby dress. HHH bought me new booty shorts for the occasion. I just wish there wasn't so much booty there. Sigh.....

Friday, July 22, 2011

Shots.





I think the duck butt was my favorite out of them all. What's your vote?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

I Ain't Sayin'....


....She a Gold Digger, but she ain't messin' wit no Brokey Broke!

Tuesday night, I stayed up to watch "Hef's Runaway Bride" on Lifetime. Yes. I did just admit that to the whole internet. The Girls Next Door has always been a guilty pleasure for me, much like Jersey Shore or Real Housewives is for other people. Sorry if you're a prude and I just offended you. Suck it up, buttercup. Anywhoo, I had followed the whole, Hef getting married thing, the wedding plan thing, the Hef giving Crystal a $70,000 engagement ring, Holly's reaction to it thing, Hef getting his fiancee a recording contract, then Crystal disappearing two days before she was supposed to get married! It was like a comedy of errors! Then there was the whole He said, she said game being played in the press and on Twitter and Facebook. Finally it all culminated in the special on Lifetime. Originally, it was supposed to be a special on the wedding, but uh.... that wasn't gonna fly. During the program, it showed how Hef pretty much gave the chick anything she asked for. New Bentley? OK! New wedding trousseau? Sure, buy anything you need! Recording contract & single released in the UK? Here ya go baby! But you could see, as she got what ever she wanted, her body language and vocal intonations started to give her away. She looked so unhappy. She looked unsettled. She looked like a gold digger that couldn't go through with her plan.

And the kicker of the whole thing was...... Hef said he never saw it coming.

WHAT? REALLY?!?

This benevolent, delusional old man really believed Crystal was there specifically because she loved him. OK, maybe she loved him, but it's more likely she loved his money. They all love Hef's money! As soon as Hef has these girls on his radar, he instantly asks them to move into his mansion out of whatever crappy apartment/condo/tenement they are currently residing at, and who in their right mind is going to turn THAT down? So after they get settled in, he showers them with parties, gifts, nightlife, and trips. Then they get their "spread" in the magazine, the press junket that goes with it, and let's not forget the TV Reality Show! (That I totally love watching!) So with all that, how does Hef think they actually love him? I'm glad he believes in love. Hell, I believe in love! Still, I'm sorry Hef, but you have surrounded yourself with gold diggers. Even the old episodes with the original 3 Girls Next Door, you could tell they were soaking up everything he gave them. Ugh... it's the only thing that I was disgusted with out of the whole show. I Facebooked my faux surprise at Hef's reaction and several of my FB friends agreed that the "ladies" who do the extreme May/December romances are in it for the money.

Perhaps Hef was just in denial when he said he didn't see it coming. I'd like to think he's just being a gentleman though, and saying nice things so as not to look like a jackass bemoaning sour grapes. That just seems a little classier. Hef has always been a classy guy. Crystal, however, was just a gold digger. She waited till she got everything she wanted, and then lit out without telling a soul. Only way Hef knew she was gone was when security told him. That's cold.

So what's your take? Gold Diggers? Opportunists? Star crossed lovers?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Where Have You Gone?

I commented on this Tuesday Morning. I have 42 blogs in my feed reader. I maybe read or look at 3 to 4 blogs each morning. Now, that's not because I'm a slouch at reading, but because almost no one posts anymore.

When I first began reading blogs, some 5 years ago, I was reading people who would post everyday. I knew about your kids, your pets, where you traveled, and what you did! I took your tips on cooking, travel, crafts, and photography. Because HHH's job choice has us constantly moving from place to place, the blogs I read basically became the friendships I really never had. Can't really make friends with the neighbors when your husband's job strictly forbids fraternization! It was great, those first few years. I could wake up, shoo the kids off to school, grab a cup of coffee and then sit down to read about everyone's exploits!

Now, with the exception of a few, I read maybe the 3 or 4 blogs mentioned earlier. Maybe it happened when I was working. I just didn't notice you all dropping away. You had other things, commitments, more going on that you wrote about. Maybe you changed how you blogged. I noticed some people changed from a personal blogger to a sponsored blogger, or perhaps started a new adventure blog about something totally different and I missed the "Hey come follow me here instead." notice. Maybe it was because I didn't comment as much as I used to. I usually read the comments that are already there and If I see someone has already given voice to my thoughts, I just let it ride. Maybe it's me? Did I just not open my horizons to more and more blogs? Was I being too narrow in my readership? I don't know. I do know I miss hearing about your lives. Perhaps I should get one of my own, but then, there's that fraternization thing again, and also the fact that we move around like a military family! Hard to pack those friendships in a box to take with me. My computer friends come with me where ever I go!

I just wanted to say I miss reading the people I became accustom to. Guess it's time to start digging again and find some more people to meet & read!

Monday, July 18, 2011

OMG SQUEEEEEEEEE!

I made the front page of Squee on LOL Cats with my baby duck photo!


Camera Hogging

46 Votes

cute baby animals - Camera Hogging

blondefabulous says: “This is one of a crop of new ducklings where I live. He wasn’t even afraid of my camera! He and his squee brothers and sisters posed for several photos! Too adorbz!”

Awwww, duckling model behavior! Waddling your stuff is sooooooooo much more squee than strutting your stuff, if you ask me!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

How Many?

...Ducklings can you fit in a small water basin? Apparently, 4 to 5! Mama didn't look amused.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Photographer.


Mo is at it again, taking after her mother by starting to take an interest in photography. Yesterday after I had taken a few snaps of the baby ducks, Mo went inside and found one of my old point and shoots. She asked me to show her how to use it, and after a moments explanation she was out there doing her own photos. She was standing over her subject snapping away when I suggested laying down and getting at eye level with her little models. That's when I got this pic with my phone!

First roller derby, now photography! Mo is a great mini me!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

OH. MY. SQUEE!!!!!

New crop of babies hatched out around here!

And they seem fearless!

The one on the right has ATTITUDE!

Not shy at all,...

Probably because Mama is right nearby.
SQUEE!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Mah Kitteh.....

He is never...
Ever...
EVER....
Anything other than the most relaxed living being in this house. Every photo I have of him is of him flat on his back either asleep or giving me the "Mommy feed me" look. Sigh..... Silly kitteh!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Bikini Jail Cell Mom.

There is the distinct possibility I may go to jail in the next few weeks. Let me explain...

Eldest is 14. She has successfully navigated middle school and is on to high school in the fall. Also, aside from a few bumps here and there.... she is a pretty good kid. So recently she has made a couple of requests. One was for a Facebook. The other was for a bikini.

OH SWEET JEBUS WHAT AM I THINKING!!!???

OK, here's my thinking. I am a big fan of social media. I am also an adult. I have seen so many many stories in the news about how kids bully the shit out of each other even more online than in person. We have all heard about the little girl who hung herself in her closet after a schoolmate's mother faked a MySpace profile from a boy then humiliated the poor child! I don't want that to happen to my child. I'd like her to be happy and carefree!

So we were at the pool today where Eldest brought up the two previous items yet AGAIN. I had been brushing her off for a while now so I thought I'd ask her a question... "If you had to choose, which would you prefer, FB or a bikini? Mom's nerves & heart can only take one." I really expected her to choose the FB option, I really did. Unfortunately for me, she piped right up with, "I wanna bikini!"

DAMN! DOUBLE DAMN!!

So, I kept my word and I was gnashing my teeth in the Tar-jay swimwear department on Tuesday night, watching my 14 year old daughter pick and choose between bikini options! GOD HELP ME! We laid down a few rules, like no string bikinis, no t-backs, and no overly decorated options that will fall apart after a day. She gets 3 different options, we go try them on, I take photos so I can go show HHH because he has to have a say in it(and she won't go outside the dressing room), and we finally pick one.

Now, the first time some jackass, pedobear even tries to look at her in a salacious manner, I'm gonna go to jail for fucking him up. It's that roller girl rage. I hope I can get bailed out of jail should it come to that.

So what would you guys pick? If you had a 14 year old daughter, would you give her Facebook, or a bikini?

See ya'll in the lock up! ;-)