Saturday, November 5, 2011

AUGH!!!

Last night did not end well. Not because I didn't get any, {I did ;)}, and not because of any injury or anything else unexpected....

It was the spiders!

Spiders and I have a tenuous relationship at best. I liked the beady eyed devils up until I was 11. One night, a wolf spider as large as my father's hand had the distinct misfortune of falling off the ceiling onto my bare cheek as I was sleeping. The ensuing panic attack was a sight to behold, or so my family tells me when the story is recounted. Apparently doing the freak out dance in Holly Hobby pajamas is extremely entertaining to others, not so much to me. Anyway, I haven't liked the bastards ever since. Funny how one incident with a bad outcome can ruin you for life!! So, on to last night.

I was watching some TV in bed, finishing up my post about the killer candy my son was given at school and such when I felt the call of nature. As I was tossing back the covers from my legs I see this LARGE spindly shape fly off my blanket! It was a HUGE spider! My scream woke up HHH who was sleeping beside me. He asked me what was up and all I could produce was "KILLITKILLITKILLIT!!" So, HHH smothers the arachnid with a towel into several pieces and I start to breathe a little more easily. I sigh, thank my hubby for saving me, apologize to him for waking him up, and say, "I really have to go to the bathroom now. Damn spider almost made me wet my pants!"

I shouldn't have tempted the spirits. They like to play tricks on us mortals!

I take two steps into the bathroom {The same bathroom I normally use in the middle of the night with the lights off} and when I flip on the light what's waiting for me? ANOTHER FUCKING SPIDER, ONLY BIGGER THAN THE LAST ONE!" The little bastard is, I kid you not, WAVING one of his legs at me as if to say "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you kill my spider friend. Prepare to die!" I scream, yet again, for HHH to come KILLITKILLITKILLIT!!! He smashes that one too.

At that point, I'm not gonna lie, my pants may have been a bit moist with tinkle. I'm not proud. Those bastards scare the living bejeezus out of me.

I turned the bathroom light on every time I used it last night.

Fucking Spiders.

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