Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Forever What The F%#k!?!


I saw this on TV while we were watching the Gator game and almost spewed my soda all over myHHH's 42" TV! This garment shown above is called a FOREVER LAZY. The Forever Lazy is advertised on their website as an adult footed pajama. It comes in the above "Asleep On The Job Grey", "Hanky Panky Pink", and "Work Day Blues". They sloganize this product by saying "If you want to stay warm, You need Forever Lazy, and as a bonus you get a free pair of slipper socks with your order. Forever Lazy is touted to:
  • Be made of Toasty Polar Fleece that will not pill.
  • Be available in sizes for the whole family.
  • Keep your hands and feet free.
  • Include front and back zippered hatches for when, "Duty Calls".
Um..... excuse me? Your header says you are a footed pajama, yet your list of attributes specifically states my feet will remain free? I don't think you quite get the gist of FOOTED! Honestly! And to make things even more interesting, the commercial played on the website showed young people laughing and partying at a tailgate, presumably in winter, and said, "Be the warmest fan at all your important games!" Uh... no. If I had tickets to a Gator game, or a Buc's game, or any game for that matter, I wouldn't be wearing a "Hanky Panky Pink" Forever Lazy to said game. And to top off all that?

IT HAS A MUTHATRUCKIN BUTT FLAP!!!

Really? In 2011 someone is selling the equivalent to old fashioned long johns??Can you imagine waltzing into the stadium restroom and saying, "Excuse me, can you help me unzip my butt flap? And what's worse than that? When I posted about Forever Lazy on FB, one of my derby ladies said, "Oh, my mom has one of those."

O_o

I had no words. I expressed my condolences. She said not to worry, her mom is crazy.

So, dear Forever Lazy, though you advertise yourself as the one piece lie around, lounge around, full body lazy wear, I will not be including you in my winter wardrobe. I will stick with my simple wool coat for the out of doors, and a nice throw for the indoors. You rank right up there with an IRS Audit, and the Clap on my list of things I never want to receive as a gift for any and all occasions. Next thing you know, someone will be recycling under the bed chamber pots, calling them, "Personal, On Hand Voiding Receptacles".

I guess the butt flap would be come in handy with that, right?

2 comments:

Russ said...

no. no. no. why?

Anonymous said...

Dude, it is actually pretty sweet.