Tuesday, May 17, 2011


It wakes up with me in the morning.
It grudgingly sleeps with me at night.
I feed it ibuprofin like a pill popping speed freak.
It has a special wrap, chosen just for it.
I have a friend on speed dial who has medical training to tell me what to do.
I wear ice packs under my pad at derby.

It's my knee.

I never thought I'd be an especially active person. I wasn't an exercise freak. I was in band and the most exercise we got was practicing the half time show after school. Then I grew up. Still wasn't an exercise sort of person. Oh, I went to the college workout facility w/various roommates, friends, blah blah blah.... I also took aerobics for college credit. Still, I didn't really want to be there, and anyone who has exercised can tell you, if you're just not in it, you won"t accomplish much.

Then I got married and started having kids and OMG the weight yoyo I was on was insane. Still, with small kids, exercise is limited to stroller rolling through malls, at least my exercise was since we were so freakin' poor it was almost impossible to eat, much less get a gym membership! Health wise I was probably stressing out my body to the breaking point. I remember being tired all the time, joints aching, you name it.

Years later, I saw a twitter advert that asked for women to join the local roller derby team. I wanted to go. I had to go. I loved roller skating. I was really good at it in my youth. I could still skate well enough to help out at school skate nights. I signed up right away! I went to every practice. I bought equipment. I picked a name & number. I skated to the cheers of fans! I lost a shitload of weight! Suddenly, my joints weren't screaming at me. I was lighter, fitter, felt better.


I found out the great feelings didn't come without a price. My knee. My right knee to be exact. I may have torn the ACL on it. I can't know for sure because my husband accepted a new job and our new insurance won't kick in till 5 months from now! Till then I am still skating on it, even though I probably shouldn't. It basically feels like someone is taking an ice pick and stabbing it into the left front side of my right knee cap, digging it in under the knee cap, and wiggling it around. Yeah, ouch! For now, I am having to scale back my skating to low intensity stuff. At practice last Saturday, we were doing a snake drill called "Asswipers" where you start at the back of the line and weave in and out of the line, moving forward, and wiping your butt on the girl you're cutting in front of. As Yakuza Girl started her cut in front of me, she caught my right skate and we went flying! The funny part was I accidentally snatched down Yakuza's shorts as we were falling and she ended up mooning everyone at practice. The not so funny part was I may have done more damage to my knee while falling to the hard wooden floor. Yeah, ouch. Funny how I can smack the floor with my entire left side, but it's my right side knee that's aching!

So that's where I am right now. I may name my knee now that it has it's own outfit, meds, and ice packs! Hmmm...... Barry? Jonsey? PIA?

What should I name my knee?


Expat No. 3699 said...

I'm not sure what you should name your knee, but I do think you should take it easy with the skating until you get it checked out.

Mother Hen

Karl said...

I'd name the knee Bitch, as in, Bitch, that hurts! I think you ought to lay off the skating until you can get it looked at, too. A messed up ACL is no laughing matter.