Tuesday, March 29, 2011

One Of Those....

Days.

I'm having one of those days. The kind of days where you question what the fuck. Lately, the fuck has been me wondering what the hell I'm doing in roller derby. I love it. I can't wait to go to practice. I even got the kids into the junior derby. Yet, when I go to the bouts there isn't anyone there who gives shit one that I'm there. Yes I'm new to the Bradentucky squad, but things were like this back in SRG too. Every bout the crowds would cheer for the pretty, awesome, sexy ladies skating around for their intros, and then you'd hear crickets and a pity clap for when I went out. Sigh... this sounds dumb, but I just wish I did something that someone gave a damn about. I don't need a parade or a website devoted to me(ignore that I have a FB fan page) but a face in the crowd clapping for me wouldn't be bad.

I feel..... invisible. Really and truly invisible.
Take the last bout. It was a home game. There was a huge crowd. Hundreds in attendance. My family didn't go. What friends I had did get to go. No one cheered when I did my intro skate. If I hadn't been standing next to one of the other girls when a photo was being taken, I wouldn't have been in any of the bout photos either. I don't know... I do it for the thrill of the hit. The adrenalin rush I get when I knock someone into the suicide seats!(Which I did twice last bout.), but every once in a while.....

I'd love to hear someone.... ANYONE.... cheer for me.

3 comments:

Russ said...

Do it for yourself. Yes, it is nice and gratifying to have other cheer for you, but it doesn't have to be who you are. You have detailed all the positive things that Derby has done for you on these pages already, just focus on that.

Poppy said...

I feel you, lady. I do.

Even though I'm not there, I think about you and your derby career. I almost brought you up in conversation the other day. Next time I have the opportunity to do so, I will. And then your ears will be burning.

metalmom said...

I get you, really. I wish I was closer. I love RD and would love to be sitting in the SS. Every time you post your promo pics, I cheer for you. And when I watch Whip It, I turn to Hubs and say, "I have a ....." to which he replies, "....friend who does that. I KNOW! You tell me all the time!" LOL