Thursday, March 31, 2011


(I-75 after the tornado/event happened. There was tree stuff every where!)

Today was... interesting. This morning HHH had a thing in Valrico at about 11am. He was off work anyway, so I rode along with him for the opportunity to spend time with him on the ride to and fro. We knew the weather was going to be poor, but I had no idea what I was in for! We got to the place, it was off of Bloomingdale in Valrico, and I waited in the car while HHH went into the office and spent about an hour or so talking to a few people about some maintenance issues. While he was in there the skies darkened, and the wind picked up. I was twittering the whole time & FB-ing photos. Tweets like...

"Hi! I'm the moron sitting outside in a truck during a severe thunderstorm w/tornado warnings flying all over! #blondeaintsmart"


"Oh goody! TWC shows a slight hook echo headed directly towards me! #blondeinoz"


"The wind keeps changing direction, swirling like a chocolate/vanilla Tastee Freeze cone!"

(Emergency crews on overpass where a tractor trailer overturned.)

When it was at it's peak, I couldn't see outside the truck. The water swirled into an impenetrable curtain of dark abyss. The green sky that peeped through highlighted the branches slicing past in the gale. I tweeted through the whole thing, and really, I was pretty safe. The truck barely moved in the high winds and sheeting rain. Finally, about an hour later, HHH got back in the truck

(Box truck on it's side.)

As we drove out, back towards the I-75 on ramp, we saw the devastation. Basically, the tornado/weather event passed about 3 to 5 blocks from where I was sitting outside in an unprotected truck! Tree damage was everywhere. Power lines were down. The roads were littered with debris. We saw the above box truck on it's side at an intersection. It had been blown over. There were two more trucks that had also been blown over. The second photo was of the 301 overpass where one of the trucks, a large tractor trailer, had been knocked over like a child's toy, possibly on top of a car! We also saw a public transit bus that had had something blown through one of it's windows. I think the scariest part was the produce stand. It "was" on the corner of Bloomingdale & 301. As we drove back past it....

It was gone!

It had been completely flattened! And not only that, but the storm had wrenched one of those giant metal traffic signal arms and dropped the whole thing on top of the now destroyed stand! HHH & I were hoping that everyone got out safely. It was a little scary seeing all the devastation. Then I thought about how CLOSE the whole damn tornado was to my dumb ass sitting out in the truck!


Yeah, that's Blonde! Still, it was cool seeing it happen. Now I am safe and sound in my house and I have the photos to remind me that...


Not something I'll try to repeat any time soon.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Is melted chocolate,
and a hot naked man with a tight ass to lick it off of!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

One Of Those....


I'm having one of those days. The kind of days where you question what the fuck. Lately, the fuck has been me wondering what the hell I'm doing in roller derby. I love it. I can't wait to go to practice. I even got the kids into the junior derby. Yet, when I go to the bouts there isn't anyone there who gives shit one that I'm there. Yes I'm new to the Bradentucky squad, but things were like this back in SRG too. Every bout the crowds would cheer for the pretty, awesome, sexy ladies skating around for their intros, and then you'd hear crickets and a pity clap for when I went out. Sigh... this sounds dumb, but I just wish I did something that someone gave a damn about. I don't need a parade or a website devoted to me(ignore that I have a FB fan page) but a face in the crowd clapping for me wouldn't be bad.

I feel..... invisible. Really and truly invisible.
Take the last bout. It was a home game. There was a huge crowd. Hundreds in attendance. My family didn't go. What friends I had did get to go. No one cheered when I did my intro skate. If I hadn't been standing next to one of the other girls when a photo was being taken, I wouldn't have been in any of the bout photos either. I don't know... I do it for the thrill of the hit. The adrenalin rush I get when I knock someone into the suicide seats!(Which I did twice last bout.), but every once in a while.....

I'd love to hear someone.... ANYONE.... cheer for me.

Monday, March 28, 2011


I know I seem to constantly be complaining about poor drivers down here, and yes I do tend to complain about people not having common courtesy while driving, but there is a reason. The photo above is the reason.

See, It had been a rainy, crappy day. I drove slowly in the predawn light to get the kids to school, and then slowly to get myself back home. I knew it was going to be just as icky when I went to go get the kids from school, and I left a little early to make sure I'd have enough time to get a decent parking spot at the school. ( I hand pick up my kids from the nurses office.) As I'm taking my usual route to the younger kids school, I come upon the accident in the photo above. The red car is unrecognizable. I think it used to be a late model Taurus, but don't quote me on that. There was no front end any more. It was a crumpled heap of twisted metal, hoses struggling to escape the wicked sinews of steel. It wasn't a car any more, and there was no way any human being escaped it. The people on the side of the road by the wreck were crying. They were passengers from the other two cars in the accident. Yes there were 2 other cars involved in that mess. The one not shown is a Lincoln Towncar used by a local Limo company!

Just from passing by, I couldn't tell how it had occurred. All the cars were turned around and on the grassy plain that separates the road from a golf course. Even though I couldn't tell which way the cars had come from, I just knew it had to be caused by someones carelessness. And that's what it really boils down to.... carelessness. Not using a turn signal. Not checking a blind spot. Not following at a proper distance. It isn't difficult, just common sense really, yet time and time again I have been faced with the exact same rude drivers doing the same crappy driving. I drive defensively and it keeps us alive to and from school.

The driver of the red car wasn't so lucky.

Please, be safe out there.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

More Photos Of My Kids!

Team Photo!
My favorite ref!
Dyna-Mo getting ready to jam for the Hoodwinks!
Dyna-Mo skating her intro lap with Pig.
Our crack referee squad!
Morgan & Harriet, better known as Dyna-Mo & Coconut Smackeroon.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Junior Derby

I am a roller girl, but I am also a mom. My children, cutie pies that they are, saw how much fun I was having at derby and decided to get in on the action. They joined the junior derby league we have here and before you could say "Boom shaka laka!" started competing in the inter-league bouts that get put on once a month! Saturday, one of those bouts occurred! It was the Dr. Seuss themed "Hoodwinks vs. Thing-a-ma-jigs" showdown with all proceeds going to the Literary council! There was even a book donation that netted quite a haul.

My two kidlets were awesome! Morgan had a really good block in the second or third jam, and Junior got to realize his dream of sending his sister to the penalty box for committing a major penalty. (Mouth guard not in on the floor.) It was a great day! I have no voice from all the yelling and cheering I did!

Now to prep for the bout in South Daytona on the 16th of April!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

In The Movies.

The upcoming Sarasota Film Festival is going to have a decidedly "Derby" air to it! There will be not one, but two films that have a roller derby theme to them!! (and I'm an extra in one of them!) The first is a documentary about the Bradentucky Bombers called "DERBY GIRLS: Inside The Bradentucky Bombers" by Amanda Ibasfalean. The other one is a film called "Crushed" that was starred in by our own Missionary Mary Position!! That's the one I'm in as an extra.

How cool it that??

Show times for "Crushed" are:
Friday, April 15th @ 12pm
Sunday, April 17th @ 7pm
@the Hollywood 20 theater in Downtown Sarasota FL.

Come on down to Sarasota and take in a short flick!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

World Domination

Tell me this kid doesn't look like he is plotting world domination? Because to me, he seems to be hatching schemes behind those innocent eyes!!

No I didn't have another kid behind ya'lls backs! I have had the lovely time of watching the son of one of my roller girl ladies. I told you this earlier this week. Anywho, he's a cutie and Thursday is my last day watching him. I got some cute shots of him Wednesday and the one above was the best out of them.

I have liked having him around, but I do have to say I am glad my kids are older.

(PS- I now know "Cars" almost word for word.)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I know you are there. I know you are lurking in the background on my social sites... well, with the exception of the ones I have either protected to within an inch of their lives or just down right deleted. I get emails when ever someone starts following me. It tells me who you are. I'm not stupid. We did not end on good terms. The long drawn out battle scarred everyone. I want nothing more to do with you. I would whole heartedly like for you to stay the hell away from anything I come into contact with. Just go away. That isn't likely to happen, obviously, since I have site trackers on my blog and everything else so I know the IP addy and city where people come from, and I see you pop up every once in a while. It's becoming a little too regular now and I just need to let you know.....

I know you're there. I know you're looking for me.

Knock it the fuck off.


Everyone who has read this probably knows I have 2 kids with Type 1 Diabetes. Yesterday was interesting. Usually, people have to take insulin to control how high their sugar levels get, but Junior had been running low all day. I went to pick him up at school, and the nurse said she had to give him an extra snack at 2pm! Then, after we got home I had him check again and he was 79! I quickly made him a sandwich and got him half a soda and 15 minutes later had him test again. WE WERE NOW AT 71!!! No no no no no! So I got him another snack to eat and the rest of the night basically went like that... him testing, me feeding him, and him testing again!! I had to cancel derby practice for both him and myself. Can't have him expending all his sugar skating and dropping dead on the track! And boy was he pissed off. Being low already had him acting grumpy, so when I told him he couldn't go to derby practice he was LIVID!

Finally, after feeding him all night, I went and got an Oreo ice cream pie and fed him a big piece! Sounds weird, giving a diabetic a super sugary dessert, but I was at my wits end! He finally gt up to an acceptable level and we all went to bed. Whew... I hate those kinds of days.

In other news, Alex is over for day two. This morning he was completely opposite from how he was yesterday! He didn't want Mama to leave him yesterday, today he was kicking Mom out of the truck so we could go! He was so excited to drive in the big truck! Now we're watching "Cars" again while he snacks on rice chips and juice! I think he likes it here!

Sunday, March 20, 2011


I am helping out one of my derby sisters this week. I'm watching her son while the daycare she normally uses is on Spring Break. She had no idea why they didn't follow the spring break schedule of the public schools like all the other day cares did, but either or, I stepped up and will have little Alex over from Monday to Thursday. Yes... I did say LITTLE. Little as in 4. It has been 5 years since I had a little child in my midst. Lord, I hope they still like Disney Junior and Kid Cuisine dinners!

In other news, I child proofed my house today.....n ow I can't find anything.

Blonde, remember?

Friday, March 18, 2011


They will work out their differences.... I just know it!

Meanwhile, I'll probably go to jail for sewing a brick into the bird and throwing it at stupid people!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Down Town Get Down.

I spent St. Patrick's Day evening at the Down Town Get Down in beautiful down town Bradenton. It's a thing that happens once a month on the old main street to get the community out and interacting with each other. I had never been to one. The Bombers usually have a table there and hand out info about the team and what ever bout we have coming up next.

Sooooo.... for my first DTGD, I had to pick St. Patrick's Day! Holy green underpants! It was really busy! There was live bands, a mardi gras float with Pirates and Conquistadors throwing beads, and food, food, FOOD! I ate a bratwurst with potato salad and OMG it was heavenly! I was the only one with skates on and we must have handed out a gazillion flyers! I was also the only one who wasn't drunk!! LOL! I prefer to drive stone cold sober!

So it was a blast. I had fun. I'll probably do it again next month when DTGD rolls around!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I Don't Get It?

Now, I'm no fashionista. Hell, if I could, I'd find a way to wear my derby stuff all the damn time. (Something about fishnets is just comfy to me.) Well, lately I have been seeing this trend in shorts and with summer fast approaching, it is back.

And I just don't get it!

In the photo above, you see three pairs of ladies shorts. Sure, they look nice, and they are trendy enough, but for the love of all things fashionable...


How is this cute or fashionable? It looks like a huge fashion don't to me. I first saw this about two years ago in the malls on little teenagers who were wearing shorts so short you could see neither regions that would titillate a pedophile. (My daughter better NEVER ask for something like that!) I was hoping that it would just go away, but apparently I was mistaken in that. Jeeze! What is fashionable about this?? Nothing I say. It just makes you look like a slob.

Maybe that's what the fashion is... looking like a slob.

How about you guys? Pockets hanging out. Yes or no?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Because I Have Nothing Better To Put Up......

Team photo after the win!
Me in the back about to make SRG's Jammer hate life! She's the one with the pink helmet cover w/the black star!
Me, Shitz-n-Giggles, and Alley Capone running in a straight line, pulling an ATL play because our jammer was in the box!
Lining up at the start of a jam. We look all serious, don't we?!?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

2 And 0.

We won. It was nice skating with/against Sarasota again. Last time, I was on the other side, wearing the black and pink. This time, I was wearing the red, black, and white. It was fun. Everyone had a great time. We kicked ass, took names. I smeared anyone I came in contact with. I totally creamed their new jammer. I did go to the penalty box twice this time though. Apparently, we are NOT allowed to launch ourselves in to the air at someone. Oopsies! My bad.

Now Imma gonna take some tylenol and go to bed!

Saturday, March 12, 2011


A year and a half ago, I was just getting my skate legs under me.... just learning the basics.... just trying to make my way in a sport I had discovered BEFORE "Whip It" came out.

So... this is kind of a then and now put up for your perusal since I am skating AGAINST my old team Sunday night. I left them to turn to the dark side of winning.... you know, to actually win a bout. As much as I love those ladies, I'm not gonna let up Sunday night... At. All.

Wish me luck!!

Friday, March 11, 2011


Just this Thursday I posted a blog that had all of about 5 words.

"Today is a bad day."

I had awakened to a thundering storm outside, when my husband tried to get a little snuggle cuddle, my joints protested thanks to a combination of the storm and Aunt Flo getting ready to settle in for her monthly stay, and it was still spring break for the kids and they were wound up AND trapped inside on a rainy day! Add to that HHH has been moody since finding out his Property Manager quit suddenly and the temps the company has been running through the office have all been trying to do everything 180 from what he and the other guys are used to and it was just a crappy, crappy day. It was the kind of day where it all turned inward and I questioned everything. What am I doing? I'm almost 40, what the hell am I doing? I'm sure we all have done it at one point or another. I chalked my turn as hormones and a dreary day. The day did eventually get better. HHH came home and said he was sorry for being moody. I told him I was sorry he didn't get any that morning and promised to take some Tylenol so I wouldn't hurt at the slightest touch, and we made dinner together. Over all, it ended well and I went to sleep, comfortable that tomorrow would be a better day.

Then I woke to find this. Destruction. Tsunami. It looked awful. There is also the nuclear plant that may leak, and the hundreds of bodies that are washing up, and the mudslides!

Suddenly, my bad day looked like a tiny blip.

I woke up and I still had my family. I still had a place to live. My town was intact and functioning. I had power, and indoor plumbing, and food to eat. The people in the affected areas of Japan had none of that. I have friends here who are distraught because they know people who live in Japan who may have been affected by this and haven't heard from them yet. I know where all my friends are. I thought about how I was being such a puss the day before. It kicked me in the ass, it did!

I needed it.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A Grand Day!

Video Games,
Swimming at the pool,
And gluten free cake!

What more does a great birthday need!!!???!!!

Happy Birthday Morgan!

My sweet baby girl! I almost lost you at one time, now I'm so thankful to have you every day of my life! Happy 12th birthday my sweet! Daddy and I love you soooo much!

Monday, March 7, 2011


Not of me, mind you, because I lost my ass off and got hurt slamming into the wood floor since there wasn't any padding under the pool.... but of the other ladies who put on a better show than me! This particular clip is of Crash Test Barbie and Malice In Rollerland!

And here we see Strawberry Shortskate & Mo Fo On Wheels putting on a pretty good show for the crowd!

So all in all, we had a really successful fundraiser for the league! Sold tons of merch, tons of beer, and a ton of raffle tickets! This was good because we needed the infusion of cash. You think we would be doing alright with what we take in at the door during the bouts, but we actually are a non profit league and we donate all our door receipts to different charities during the season! With philanthropy like that, I am quite happy to get dunked in jello for my fellow skaters!!

And luckily.... no one will get to see it!!!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Birthday Overload!

Got a crown at school and wore it the whole day!
Came home to a cake and card!
Got a Trekker Scooter for the gift!
And we scoot, and scoot, and scoot.....
And we have a great birthday!!