Saturday, December 31, 2011


  • According to the Mayans, the world is gonna end this year.
  • According to the Environmentalists, we are going to do irrevocable damage to the planet that will bring about the end of the world this year.
  • According to the religious nut jobs, gay people are gonna get the right to marry each other and the world is gonna end this year.
  • According to the political parties, everyone running for president is a moron and a danger to our country and way of life and if they(any of them) get elected, the world is gonna end this year!
  • According to the weather monitors, all the recent storms and droughts, and other weather events are a culmination of human interference and are going to make the world end this year.
So many folks spouting off so many whack a doodle theories about the world ending in 2012, it seems everything is gonna be the end of the world this year. It's ridiculous!

(Where's my rocket ship off this crazy rock?)

Friday, December 30, 2011


Yeah! You wit da face!!! Yeah... you need to go here and read this. It's the next article I wrote for Buy-Her and it's about two totally amazing roller girls who are also crafty chicks as well.


Thursday, December 29, 2011


I, like many others, am posting an end of the year list. And no, I won't bore you with what movies I thought were awesome, or what TV shows I watched during the 2011. No one really cares about my opinion on that kind of stuff. What I'm gonna post is my top blog posts for 2011! Yes... here are the top 5 posts for the year!

  • Coming in 5th at 165 page views is "Changing & Rearranging". I hammered that one out back in January about us rearranging the living room to have more space and less clutter. Had I known HHH was just going to get a new job a few months later, I'd have just said screw it and boxed everything up for the eventual move! Ah, to have ESP about shit like that would be priceless!!!
  • Coming in next at 191 page views is "BOING" which was about when I took the kids to an indoor trampoline center. It was a blast! There have since been larger, more interactive places that have opened since our visit to Boing, but the kids still ask to go again over and over! It's a blast and a kick in your cardio's ass!!
  • At good old number 3 we have "Fuck Yeah, Roller Derby Otter", a delightful tumblr blog by roller girls that got 307 page views. Think Lol Cats, but with an otter saying stuff like, "Endurance Practice? CALL 911!" Unfortunately, this blog blew up to be bigger than it's owners could handle and 3 months after it started, it stopped putting up new Otter Memes. I haz a sad now!
  • In the number two spot with 914 views is a blast from the past with, "My Boobs Are HUGE!" That one is from 2008 proving that if people THINK they are gonna see your tits for free, they will click and click and click! Ha ha, too bad for them I was just TALKING about my boobs, not showing them. Pervs!!
  • And finally, in the top spot for this years 2011 Blondefabulocity Post of the year is...... "CONSUELA"!!!!! I wrote Consuela on January 20th, 2011 and in the past year it has gotten 6010 page views and it just keeps on rising! This was a post I put up after going to a McD's drive through and seeing the Family Guy character's doppelganger working the window. This woman looked like Consuela, spoke like Consuela... heck even the kids swore she was Consuela!! OMG! Now she is the most read post EVER on my blog!! My hat tips to Seth Macfarlane for inventing such a funny cartoon maid!

So there you have it! My top 5 posts of 2011! Yeah yeah.... not as much fun as an E! Top 10 Reality TV Fails countdown, but hey..... It works for me! What were your fave posts this year?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Gives Me Nightmares!!!

HHH says there are a few folks in this complex who are bordering on being hoarders. He'd know, since he's the maintenance man and has to go into people's condos to fix stuff. The fire department and neighbors said they couldn't get IN the condo to save the man. There was too much shit blocking every damn way in or out of the place!! I shudder that this is going to happen here. Where's that "Hoarders" show when you need it???

North Carolina Hoarder Dies In House Fire.


CHARLOTTE, NC (CBS) -- Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police say 55-year-old Thomas Burgess was trapped inside of his apartment on Queens Road Monday night because he was a hoarder. Police said Burgess had so many belongings that it appears he couldn't reach the door because items were blocking the path.

Fire investigators said many of those things were combustible and helped the fire spread. Firefighters were able to get everyone else in the complex out safely. One of those neighbors says he did all he could to get to Burgess.

Neighbor Rob Jorgeson says, "...I kicked the door as hard as I could just to get more attention, and to get it open. I yelled in there for a few yells, I don't know how many exactly, I didn't get any attention..."

Investigators say it appears the fire was caused by an electrical problem. Several other people in the complex say they had to stay elsewhere last night

Monday, December 26, 2011

Snow Birds

Photo found here.

And this time I don't mean the old folks kind! Our pond behind our house had a pair of these guys swimming around in it. This is the Hooded Merganser. It is a migratory, diving duck that settles in the Great Lakes areas, but migrates south for the winter. They can actually be found from Alaska to Florida! There was a mated pair diving around for food on the pond!

Those are the kind of snow birds I can handle!!!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Happy Chanukah

For all of my Jewish friends who are winding down their Chanukah celebrations..... this is for you! I hope your season was joyous!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

He's Everywhere! He's Everywhere!

No, I'm not talking about Anderson Cooper or Ryan Seacrest, I mean Santa Claus! Here's my #5, "Get in the spirit" offering to you folks. I'm might actually be getting there. Maybe not, but close.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Zat You?

Here's my #4 way to try and get in the holiday spirit! Just slip my check for a million $$$ under the door, eh?

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Aaaaaaand here is #3 way I'm trying to get in the spirit for the holidays. Who says "holiday" more than Weird Al? NO ONE< THAT'S WHO!!! Enjoy!

Monday, December 19, 2011


OK, to get me in the holiday spirit, here's offering #2..... Jingle Bombs! NSFW or kids. (Some bad language.)

Ho, ho, hooooooo what the fuck! I have to go Christmas shopping still!


Sunday, December 18, 2011

Trying To Get In The Spirit.

Since it is the week before Christmas, and I was supposed to be in Orlando today with my family to celebrateand thanks to HHH's shitty asshole workplace we are not, I'm trying anything and everything to get in the spirit of Christmas. First stop: Hollis, Queens.


What did you guys have?

Friday, December 16, 2011


Today as I was motoring about town I saw....

  • As I was on my way back from the kids new pediatrician, We passed by a small driveway to no where that had two roadside vendors set up. One was selling seafood(YUCK!), and the other selling BBQ and firewood. The seafood guy didn't look like he was having any luck, but the BBQ guy had a woman out front waving to the passing cars as she walked a piglet on a leash. I SHIT YOU NOT! They were advertising BBQ by walking a tiny baby pig on a leash!(About the same size as the one in the photo above.) What is the world coming too?? And when they walked past the smoker did the piglet think to himself, "MOM?!?"

  • Then, as I was going to pick up Mo, I saw a 1987 Yugo painted like the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazard! OMG!! I tried hard to get a photo, but I was too far back in the line at the stop sign to get a shot! I Twittered about it and most folks joked that they couldn't believe there was a Yugo still working! So what was more surprising... the fact that it was an actually a running Yugo, or that it was painted to look like one of America's most well known TV vehicle icon's?

So yeah... that was my Friday. Mostly uneventful with two really weird instances shoved in it. How was yours then?

Dead Cat.

Fluffy would be a kitty in deep, deep doo doo.

Thursday, December 15, 2011


I have to express my distaste for teachers who make a large project due the week before a major holiday. WTF are they thinking?? I mean, these kids (elem.) are already celebrating the week with differently themed days, riling them up and juicing their excitement to near manic levels! Why, why, WHY would you have your kids complete a major, grade dependent project at this time? And not only that, but the teacher also made food a 40% part of the grade! (The subject is "Holidays Around The World") Monday saw a note saying each child had to make a food specific of their assigned country to present to the class on Friday. I call bullshit! They so could have done this last week!I cannot wait till this school year is over so we can be done with this woman! Sheesh.

At least my cookies are awesome!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Oh Look.....

I found @bubblewench in e-card form! I love it when I find things IRL that remind me of my friends. I especially love it when I am able to show said friends the item in question and they love it as well! I can practically hear the smile in their tweets! :)

Love you Shannon!

Sunday, December 11, 2011


This is how I feel about all that FB crap people have put up via a new annoying app saying what they are reading right now on Yahoo, a newspaper feed, etc etc etc....


And I will spend the time to go look it up rather than let another useless app access my info. Don't be a sheeple.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Remember This?

The note reads... "Can I kiss you next Friday? Yes, No, Maybe. My 12 y/o got that from the boy at her school. This boy gave her a gift last Friday, which I had her write a thank you note for. This is also the boy she saved from the bully. Heroine worship? True love? Who knows, but the sweetness in that small scrap of paper is wistfully poignant.

And it reminded me of my childhood. How about you? Check yes, no, or maybe!

Friday, December 9, 2011


This is Mo's Christmas List. 3, 4, and 5 are why I love this child so and also why she is my Mini-Me!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

I'm Just Sayin'....

If my husband (or any other man, for that matter) could do this, there'd be no more need for us ladies. Well, except to cook. HHH keeps me around to cook for him!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


  • Got our new X-Box tonight. Surprised the hell out of the kids. We were feeling guilty about not being able to go to Universal for Christmas now so we went and got it early. We got the MW3 version that came with 2 controllers and we bought a Kinect so we could play more games. They are extremely excited.
  • And yes, I did say Christmas at Universal was cancelled. Even though HHH requested Christmas week off 2 months ago, we made our reservations, and had our plans in place, the upper management that only swings by every once a week decided they didn't want only one guy working that week. Sigh....
  • Now I have to decorate for Christmas.
  • We got a smaller tree. Pre lit, fake, and green. I lobbied for a pink tree but was shot down.
  • Eldest is more excited to play MW3 than any of the other games we bought. This disturbs me a little.
  • Jr. wanted Wipeout: The Game. I see many painful evenings of fun in the future.
  • As you were people.

Monday, December 5, 2011

What...... The Hell!???!

I was watching TV yesterday, cuddling my baby boy(who is fine now, thanks to everyone who Twittered encouragement for him!) when I saw a commercial for a game called Doggie Doo. Yup. Doggie Doo. The premise behind this game is, uh.... is..... uh..... Oh there's no way to make this sound any better, but basically you feed the dog these playdough "treats", then you roll a special die that tells you how many times you squeeze the dog leash which moves the "treats" down the dog's intestines. If the dog poops during your turn at the leash, you clean it up with your game shovel. Who ever gets 3 poops first wins! Fun right?? Oh, the dog farts loudly as well.

Oh my GAWD!! Is this what we've come to to entertain our children?? A pooping dog?? When I was a child I didn't even like the pooping dolls. If my parents had gotten me a crapping dog game I'd have been offended!! Worse than offended. And not only would I have been offended, but our three REAL dogs would have been offended because why play the game when I had three of the real things tap dancing at the door for me to clean up after, right??

My only other thought on this is that, since the game appears to have originated in Europe, perhaps it is actually a subversive tool to teach folks over there (who historically haven't really picked up after their animals) to clean up after their pets! Stranger things have happened.

So now to you guys.... Pooping Dog Game.... would you buy it for your kids?

You Know It's Monday When....

... Your kid wakes you up with, "Mom, I can't stop throwing up."

Friday, December 2, 2011

Gee Thanks.

I just love it when, at this time of year, companies decide to be raging assholes. Assholes like cancelling funding for an office party. Assholes like cancelling bonuses for the quarter and not bothering to tell anyone when folks were expecting it and had made plans to use it for Thanksgiving/Christmas. Assholes like cutting funding for required neighborhood monthly parties so the employees have to spend their own $$ to do it so they don't get in trouble. Assholes like approving time off during Christmas, then turning around and raising hell 2 months later about not wanting there to be only 1 guy working that week.


(Especially when I already have a family vacay to Orlando planned!"

Thursday, December 1, 2011


Hi there. Seeing as how it has FINALLY turned over to December, I am finally going to put out the call for Christmas Cards. Would you like a card from me? Do you even care? Just send me an email to and sometime during this holiday season I'll shoot one out to you! Wanna send me one back? Go for it! Do I care that you celebrate something other than Christmas?? Nope! Sure don't! I'd love you to wish me a Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanza, Merry Festivus, etc, etc, etc..... ( I show the kids cards we receive and teach them about other religions & cultures! )

So, send those addys on, especially if you have done it before and had a change of address in the last year or two!
Ho ho ho!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


My baby girl turned 15 yesterday!

We took her out to Olive Garden for a nice dinner and got her a bunch of little beauty gifts.

She had a slice of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake as her birthday cake. We even got O.G. to put her 1 and 5 candles on it!

So happy birthday baby! We love you!!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Yup. Still kicking. In fact, I'm kicking it in Vicodin Land. You remember Vicodin Land..... pretty colors, shimmery lights, everything is REALLY funny.... ah Vicodin Land, how I have come to love you. I do, however, have to give a hat tip to Mr.Ondansetron, without whom I would not be enjoying the wonders of Vicodin Land. (The afore mentioned fellow keeps me from puking.)

So yet again, I will leave you with Bill Engvall's "Vicodin Land". Laugh, you know you want too!



That would be me.

Last night my tooth was hurting really bad. It didn't start till after everything was closed (of Course!). I had planned on going to the dentist the next day anyway, so I took some Tylenol PM (4) and went to bed. I got up to tinkle and took 2 more for a total of 6 pills and went back to sleep. I then woke up at 2:30am because it hurt and took 3 more pills and that's where it got... interesting.

My body violently rejected the new pills.


Now, knowing what I know and having taken meds before, I knew if I was vomiting up plain Tylenol something was wrong. I promptly woke up HHH and we took off to the ER where I had to explain to the folks there, "No, I am not trying to hurt myself, I'm just a moron and didn't keep track of what I was taking!" They took 6 vials of blood to go and check my liver function and Tylenol levels and we waited for about 45 minutes.

And waited...
And waited...

And then a guy came in and handed me 4 prescriptions and a form to sign myself out with. No one had come to tell me if I had damaged my liver or what, just here ya go, get out. I asked if I was ok and the guy said "Oh yeah. yeah, you're fine." Gee, uh... thanks?

So anywho, I'm taking it easy today. The ER gave me scripts for an antibiotic, an anti nausea med, motrin, and........


WHAT? I puke at the slightest narcotic, how the hell am I supposed to take Vicodin?!? Then HHH turned to me and said... That's what the Anti Nausea med was for.
So, dear readers, I leave you with Bill Engvall's "Vicodin Land". That's me right now!

Sunday, November 27, 2011


My wisdom teeth are moving again. At least they waited till after Thanksgiving to start moving around. I really should get those things pulled, but when?? Now, where's my ibuprofen???

Saturday, November 26, 2011


I have lived in the south all my life. In the south, we love our football. I can remember being in school... it was Junior High football on Wednesdays, JV on Thursdays, Varsity on Fridays, College on Saturdays, and NFL on Sundays. The Fall ran like clockwork. Being in the band meant I was always doing something on the weekends and it was awesome! I loved my football. I would cheer with the rest of the crowd. Along the way, I learned that a good sport beats being an ignorant, screaming redneck any day. I learned using racial slurs, homophobic slurs, or any kind of slurs in general just reflects poorly on you and your team.

Having learned all those lessons, it is with great disappointment that I saw many of the folks I follow on Twitter and FB jeering UF during the Gators vs. Seminoles football game. Statements like "Great play Gay-tors!" or "Hahaha... nice try fags." and on and on and on. I left Twitter and FB after the first few jabs, but really.... I expected better. I expected folks who are GROWN UPS to have a little dignity and grace, whether they win or lose. Haven't we all progressed beyond that shit?

I know UF is sucking hind teat this year. Heck, folks have been waiting for Timmy and Urban to take a hike so UF would be vulnerable again, but all programs have their ups and downs. UF is in a down. That's ok. What isn't ok is using hateful slurs that are wrong to cheer on your team.

That's NOT ok.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Just A Few Notes....

#1-For quite a few Christmases, my middle child, Mo, has been asking me for "Tooth Tunes". What is that, you ask? Well, when they first came out, they were tooth brushes that played a popular song for a certain amount of time. The song coincided with just how long one was supposed to brush their teeth thus getting kids to brush for the correct time period and encouraging good dental hygiene while having fun. As you can guess.... they didn't do very well and by the next year the only "Tooth Tunes" left were the crappy ones that didn't sell the year before. Mo has asked for one every year since. (It's been 10 years!) Now imagine my surprise when I was waiting in a cashier line and saw the product pictured above!!! It was a tooth brush that played music, but unfortuantely it only played Justin Bieber music! Mo hates The Biebs. With a purple passion she hates that kid. So when I saw this I took a photo, came home, and told her I found her musical tooth brush! When I showed her the photo she was less than pleased.... oops!

#2-I saw this shit last week. OMG I can't believe someone wasted plastic on this!! I guess I should have been grateful that the rest of the cast wasn't in the display, but REALLY?? Who the hell is gonna put these losers on their tree? Even at the 2/$10 discounted price, I don't see them moving out any time soon. I tweeted the photo and asked, "Think anyone would notice if I moved these to the douche aisle?" and got several tweets back of "DO IT!" Heh heh.....I just may!

#3-And then today I became my kids' hero! I won #INATOR Friday. What's that, you ask? Well, if you have ever watched Phineas & Ferb then you have seen Dr. Doofenshmirtz and any number of his wild #INATORs he comes up with to defeat Perry the Platypus and try to rule the tri state area. I follow the evil @DrDoofenshmirtz, & his minion @NormTheRobot. They are funny, way funny! Just yesterday morning, Doofenshmirtz tweeted "Trample my Walmartians, TRAMPLE!" See? Funny! Every Friday, Dr. Doofenshmirtz has a contest for his Twitter followers where you tweet to him your best idea for an #INATOR and he chooses a winner by the end of the day. Well, I won with the #INATOR idea above! My prize? My tweet favorited by the evil Doctor and a follow from him as well. OMG! I showed my kids when the pling came through on my phone and we all jumped up and down because Hello??? IT'S DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ!!!!!!! (And no... I'm not 12.) So now my kids think that I'm the coolest mom ever because only a cool mom gets followed by Dr. Doofenshmirtz, right?? RIGHT??

Don't answer that!

Thursday, November 24, 2011


I win again! After cooking all day yesterday and the day before, My dinner went off without a hitch! Turkey was done to perfection, ham was tasty, dressing & stuffing were herbed and moist, .... in fact everything tasted lovely except the dinner rolls. They were publix brand and one of the only things I didn't make from scratch.(that just WASN'T gonna happen!) So anyway, it tasted great. The in laws were happy and I have yet again extended my lead as the favorite daughter in law!

I win.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Have a safe and wonderful holiday! Remember to BE THANKFUL!

Where I'm At.

Hey there! Haven't been here in a couple of days, but only because I've been busy getting ready for a full scale assault on Thanksgiving! You know, stuff to do, things to cook, etc, etc, etc....

So anywho, I wrote over here today. It's my first gift guide for the masses with a twist, the twist being I and my warped little mind thought it up! Go give it a look see and buy something interesting for the ones you love.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Monday Bullets!

Photo found here.
  • On Friday morning I tweeted this, "I am NOT making this shit up! "Butt-job gone wrong with fix-a-flat"" with this link to a story out of Miami about a transgendered stripper who was posing as a plastic surgeon and gave a woman a "butt lift" by using super glue, cement, and Fix-a-Flat and charging $700 for the procedure! The patient contracted several infections and has been hospitalized for a month so far. I don't know about you, but the minute the "doctor" pulled out the can of Fix-a-Flat, I'd have lit out of the back of the strip joint faster than a cat with its tail on fire!! Now CNN and other outlets have picked up on the story and ran with it. Heh....
  • The AMA's were on last night and there was little else to oppose them. The Hubs and I watched the performances with the kids and mostly they were ok. Eldest has started to notice that live performances don't sound like radio versions. I mentioned to her that if she was expecting musicians to sound perfect in a live setting, she was going to be disappointed.
  • The part of the AMA's we laughed at the most was LMFAO's finale! Oh! Mah! GAWD!!! I have never laughed so hard in my LIFE!!! They started out with "Party Rock Anthem" and I thought it was a nice touch that they had the Halloween faces lit up all over the stage from this guy's house. Then as they were dancing around even Bieber came out and started dancing! After that they went straight into "I'm Sexy & I Know It" and of course they did the pants ripping off dealy-o! I laughed so. Hard. Lucky for America and anyone else watching, the LMFAO guys were wearing funny print boxer shorts instead of the sparkly banana hammocks like in their video. Then to top it all off, David Hasselhoff.... THE HOFF came out at the end and yes, he ripped off his tear aways too! LOL! I laughed so hard! HHH laughed so hard! The kids (Yes they watched it too!) laughed soooo freaking hard!!!
And that's about it. Not much going on what with prepping for Thanksgiving and all. Now if you all will excuse me, I need to invoke the evil spirit of Martha Stewart so I can get everything done on time!

It's a good thing!!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Weekend Off.

I haven't written a lot this weekend. I have been enjoying my time with HHH. In the fray of derby and kid stuff and his job blowing up because the owners were coming by, we had missed each other. Now that I am in a Dr. enforced vacay from derby and HHH's job has settled a bit, we are spending some quality time together. I miss quality time w/HHH.

So, I'd like you all to go over to my new gig at Buy-Her. It's a shopping and review site for women. I am getting the opportunity to write with some awesome ladies and you should go check out my new article. In fact, I think you should check out Buy-Her in the next month or so as we approach those shopping holidays that I refuse to mention because it isn't Thanksgiving yet! There are going to be gift guides from several points of view, Product tests, and all sorts of fun! Put it in your favorites, because you will surely need it!

And now, my snugly husband calls. :)

Friday, November 18, 2011

New Gigs.

So I garnered a writing gig. It's for the website called Buy Her. It's a site for women about products we might use. One of the best things about it is it isn't "mommy" centered! I started writing for them last year, but spit out only 2 posts before I had life smack me in the chops and had to pull back. This year I am fully committed to 2+ posts a month. It's not too much, and I have even banged out 4 posts already, the first of which goes live today. I'll link it when it goes up.

To say I'm excited is an understatement! :)

UPDATE: Here is the link to my first article! Go give it a lookie loo! Actually, go look at the whole site! It's totally awesome!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A 4-Way.

No, not like that. I mean a 4 way stop intersection. I have waxed poetic on people's non-use of their turn signals, their inability to check their blind spot, and douche bag parkers, and now I thought I'd hit on the new nemesis of the 21st century, the 4 way stop.

Now when I was in school taking driver's ed from Mr. McCool, who was once a hard ass FHP patrolman, I had to watch an infomercial from the 1970's on how to navigate a 4 way stop. I learned that 4 way stops were kind of a first come, first serve sort of thing. If you are the first car to arrive, you get to go first. If all four cars arrive at the same time, then drivers are supposed to defer to the driver to the right.(I always wondered if that would result in an endless circle, but I digress...) So this all seems simple, right?


The folks I drive around with here are nuts! And the fact that most of the time I'm driving in school zones just make it worse! These are PARENTS driving this poorly! I have to deal with 3 different 4 way stops and those folks just have no patience. I have almost been t boned, clipped, side swiped, and head on'd at each of those different stops. One guy had the gall to call me a bitch while he jumped 3 other cars to try and plow through the intersection!! I flipped him off and gave him a rather loud vocal salute as well(man, derby has made me vociferous.).

What I want to know is, when did the rules of driving change so much that 4 way stops are no longer being treated with courtesy and are now a frickin' free for all?? Have we sunk so low in the way of courtesy that people only live by the "Every Man For Himself" rule?

How long till I need a side mounted bazooka?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

It's Log!

I'll be making a few of these again for the holidays!!! Holler if you want one!

Sunday, November 13, 2011


Sometimes, I just want things to actually BE as happy and nice as it LOOKS from the outside. Norman Rockwell can kiss my ass.


I swear to Jebus, if the Eldest doesn't get her head out of her ass, I'm gonna send her off to boarding school ASAP!!

Sunday Lazy.

Because regular, everyday lazy just won't do.

Friday, November 11, 2011

This is sad, yet funny. Sad because this woman had no one left in her life to mourn her or miss her when she passed away, but funny because my husband works for the same company that took over the apartments where she was found. I can only imagine the horror if it had been HHH and his property manager to walk in on a dead body.... a MUMMIFIED dead body. I can also guess what their cleaning service would have said as well.... OH HELL NO! So yes, I'm probably going to Hell for giggling about this one!

Woman's death reveals how little was known of her life

By Danny Valentine, Times Staff Writer
Posted: Nov 11, 2011 03:42 PM

Social Bookmarking


ST. PETERSBURG — They finally found 78-year-old Joan Greeley in the bedroom.

with porcelain white skin. She refused to let people in her home.

Which may explain the peculiar circumstances of her discovery:

Head propped up against a wall, legs extended under the bed. Her left arm was draped across her chest and her right arm at her side.

She had been there about four months, her skeleton now mostly exposed.


Greeley's home of at least 10 years is on the west side of Fourth Street N, just across the street from Sunken Gardens, down an alley and behind a 6-foot wooden fence. It is a small apartment in the back of a one-story block building.

A man who has lived in her building about five years said he saw her, once, but didn't know her name.

Andy Sasala, who lives in a next door apartment, said for a long time he didn't even know her apartment was there. He thought there were four units, not five.

"She really was as much of a hermit as somebody can be," said Michael Novilla, the managing member of Crescent Lake Apartments, which owns the building. "She really did not want anybody to come inside ever. It's a sad thing for sure."

Neighbors wondered how she supported herself, how she paid the bills, when she shopped for groceries.

And the most obvious question.

Why did it take so long to figure out she died?


Greeley's building is in foreclosure.

Last week, McKinley, Inc, a large apartment management company, took over property management from Crescent Lake Apartments.

On Friday, police said property manager Ronald Toole went out to inspect the units.

Just before 1 p.m., he came to Greeley's apartment at 423 1/2 18th Ave N. He knocked. No response. Key in hand, he opened the door.

A strong smell of death hit him.

He walked into the cluttered apartment and found Greeley laying on her back in the bedroom, police said.

He left and dialed 911.


It's unclear exactly how long she lay there unnoticed.

Police think it was likely about four months. They found a newspaper dated June 26 inside her home. They don't suspect any foul play.

Police have not found any family members.

There's no evidence that there was anyone in her life as far back as 1992, said police spokesman Mike Puetz.

Bill Pellan, director of investigations for the Pinellas-Pasco medical examiner's office, said an autopsy has been conducted but the cause of death is still pending.


Neighbors were saddened by her solitary passing.

"Nobody should have to go that way," said Kathy Seaton, 48. "I wish I would have known."

Les and Sandra Ambush rented out their garage apartment to Greeley about 16 or 17 years ago. They couldn't remember exactly.

"She kept her head down and walked fast and worked hard," Ambush said.

She turned down offers to come and sit and have family dinners except for one Thanksgiving.

"I think she was upset that she didn't have a family or wistful that she lost touch," Ambush said.

They didn't know why she moved out. They lost touch.

"That is sad," Ambush said. "I really feel bad now."

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Thank You!

Opinions & Assholes

Everybody's got one. Mine is unpopular. According to this great nation I live in, I'm allowed to have it, but I better shut up if I want to keep my FB & Twitter friends. (Not all of them, but several.)

I value people's opinions. Hearing what others have to say helps me round out my thoughts. I haven't lashed out at anyone. I also haven't risen to anyone's baiting. Seems the latter of those two things is what pissed people off the most.

Sorry folks. It's not a competition.

Tomorrow I'm going to go out to lunch with HHH to Applebee's to enjoy their "Free Entree for Veteran's", because he and so many others have fought for my right to have MY OPINION, no matter how many folks disagree, un friend, or hate on me for it!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Tuesday sucked ass, in my humble opinion. Losing Joe & Heavy D? Fuck you midweek. Fuck you very much!

Monday, November 7, 2011


In Egypt, when someone was mummified they had a red hot, sharpened poker rammed up their nose, their brains scrambled up till it's a gooey jelly like mush, then rolled to the side so it all dripped out into sacred jars.

I feel like someone is doing that to my right side of my head.

Ow ow ow, ow owowowow!


So as you all know, Friday my son was given a candy that has been recalled by the FDA back in 2001-2002. I went back to the school to tell the office staff and avert a possible disaster. I was treated with less that courtesy even as I was showing the school officials the FDA website that backed up my statements.

Now, good people, why was this? Why did they not take me seriously? Why did I get shushed?? I went over and over and over the moments in my mind. I spoke clearly. I was calm. I didn't demand anything. I backed up my statements with proof from the Federal Food and Drug Administration. I was treated with disdain then summarily dismissed. Then, as I was brushing my teeth yesterday and I looked in the mirror, it hit me.

My appearance.

We are living in an upscale neighborhood. Valrico is pretty well to do out here. There are big houses, very few of them up for sale or foreclosure, and upscale shops and restaurants everywhere! Think Stepford Wives, but multiply the number of people and shrink the houses a little. I figured out at Junior's Open House we didn't fit in. Add to that my hair is even crazier than it was back then and I think I was dismissed that day due to my looks. Isn't that a hoot? In an educational system that stresses the teachings that everyone is equal and no one should be mistreated because of who they are or how they look, that is just hypocritical. Sigh....

Wouldn't you listen to that woman up there in the photo? (Without the makeup though!)

Saturday, November 5, 2011


Last night did not end well. Not because I didn't get any, {I did ;)}, and not because of any injury or anything else unexpected....

It was the spiders!

Spiders and I have a tenuous relationship at best. I liked the beady eyed devils up until I was 11. One night, a wolf spider as large as my father's hand had the distinct misfortune of falling off the ceiling onto my bare cheek as I was sleeping. The ensuing panic attack was a sight to behold, or so my family tells me when the story is recounted. Apparently doing the freak out dance in Holly Hobby pajamas is extremely entertaining to others, not so much to me. Anyway, I haven't liked the bastards ever since. Funny how one incident with a bad outcome can ruin you for life!! So, on to last night.

I was watching some TV in bed, finishing up my post about the killer candy my son was given at school and such when I felt the call of nature. As I was tossing back the covers from my legs I see this LARGE spindly shape fly off my blanket! It was a HUGE spider! My scream woke up HHH who was sleeping beside me. He asked me what was up and all I could produce was "KILLITKILLITKILLIT!!" So, HHH smothers the arachnid with a towel into several pieces and I start to breathe a little more easily. I sigh, thank my hubby for saving me, apologize to him for waking him up, and say, "I really have to go to the bathroom now. Damn spider almost made me wet my pants!"

I shouldn't have tempted the spirits. They like to play tricks on us mortals!

I take two steps into the bathroom {The same bathroom I normally use in the middle of the night with the lights off} and when I flip on the light what's waiting for me? ANOTHER FUCKING SPIDER, ONLY BIGGER THAN THE LAST ONE!" The little bastard is, I kid you not, WAVING one of his legs at me as if to say "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you kill my spider friend. Prepare to die!" I scream, yet again, for HHH to come KILLITKILLITKILLIT!!! He smashes that one too.

At that point, I'm not gonna lie, my pants may have been a bit moist with tinkle. I'm not proud. Those bastards scare the living bejeezus out of me.

I turned the bathroom light on every time I used it last night.

Fucking Spiders.

Friday, November 4, 2011

I'll Have My Candy With A Side Of Asphyxiation.

See this? That right there is a candy my son received from school today. Looks interesting, eh? It's a candy sold mostly in Hispanic and Asian countries. When those folks came over to the USA, they brought this tasty goody with them.

It's not very big. It's described as, "about the size of a single serve coffee creamer." Junior's class was reading a book that was set in China, and this celebration was the culmination of finishing that book. The teacher ordered Chinese food for the class, they played games from China, and they got swag bags filled with Chinese goodies. This little candy was among the treats.

Why am I concerned that my son was given this candy? Because the FDA in 2002 deemed these candies to be a major choking hazard! In a recall issued by the Food and Drug Administration, these candies were implicated in the confirmed choking deaths of 6 children, with others still being investigated. It seems when children tear off the lid and start to suck the candy out of it's plastic cup, the candy can pop out suddenly and get sucked down the throat, closing off the air way. The candy proved impossible to remove by medical professionals because the jelly was rigid and didn't dissolve like normal jellies or jello. States started seizing the shipments of candy and forbid their import. FDA also asked people to turn in markets & shops who still sell it.

I went back to Junior's school to warn the office about the candy. Because the children received it from school, if something bad happened, the school could be held liable! I was more worried about kids dying. You'd have thought I was a crazy homeless cat lady babbling nonsense on the street corner! Not only did they not really care about what I was saying, they didn't even look at the FDA website I had pulled up on my smart phone! AUGH!! And when I was reading the warning off, one of the office ladies actually SHUSHED ME when another parent entered the office!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!!

When Junior's teacher just happened up to the office at that exact moment, I explained to her about the candy, why it was bad, and what they should possibly do about it(ie- call the parents!), she just stared at me stupidly and said, "But one of the class moms bought it at the market! It has to be OK??" Uh, no lady. The US government is still seizing shipments of this candy monthly, and that's when it's labeled correctly! I was flabbergasted! They weren't going to do a damn thing! Even Eldest couldn't believe what happened and she said, "Oh no! Uh-uh! You don't shush my mom!". I giggle thinking about it.

So, good people.... what should I do? Let it ride and be happy knowing my kid is OK and won't be consuming the dangerous candy, or should I push the issue and go to the principal?