Monday, May 31, 2010

A New Day.

Well, yesterday was gotten through with little to no blood shed. I say little to no because I had to go clean the crazy lady's house. She was on a freakin' tear because it was her husband's birthday and she was having a surprise party for him later that day. Ugh...... I wasn't even interested, I just wanted to get done and get out.

After 4 hours doing that, I sent everyone home and took myself home as well. I was working from home for the rest of the day! So now I am going to sleep on it, and hopefully the coming week will be a better one. On a sadder note, I spoke with the woman whose husband committed suicide and burned their house down. She was calling to cancel services and apologize to ME for having to do so. Apologize to me?? Oh my GOD! I assured her no apology was necessary and we would be happy to help in any way possible. Should she get a temporary place set up and need it to be cleaned before moving in, I said we'd be more than happy to donate our services for a move in clean. She said thank you and also told me to thank her regular girls for their excellent service. I said I would and once again told her to call us if she needed anything. That made me sad.

Here's to a better week!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

My Ballerinas.

Today was the ballet recital for the DNG program for the Sarasota Ballet. My baby girl Mo is in this program. It was her second year, and she has come such a long way. Her confidence has soared. Her grace and poise has increased. She can still beat the shit out of any boy who dares to tease her. That's my girl. Anywhoo, this was an amazing performance put together by Lisa Townsend and the wonderful people of Dance: The Next Generation. The program was named Dancing Through the Library. Mo was in the piece called Fairy Tales. She was so beautiful I cried. Me.... the hard ass, roller derby bitch. I bawled like a baby. Rebecca's recital was last Saturday. She was so beautiful as well. Her grace and beauty has excelled in the last two years. In the coming years, HHH and I are going to be having to beat the boys back with a stick!

Anyway, here's the video. See my baby kick some ballet ass!

Friday, May 28, 2010

SRG and Bradenton Bout #22 Final

Here is the last Jam of the Bradenton Bout. The one where I took out my frustrations 3 times. Don't know if it was the same girl each time, or if it was 3 different players...... I just hit anything that was in white and took them DOWN!! Just so you know, I am the one in the pink helmet with the black stripe. That's the Pivot position. If you look closely, you'll see me take out the lead blocker from the other team, come around the corner, and whip our jammer around into the lead jammer!!! Not bad for someone who has only been doing roller derby since August!


Thursday, May 27, 2010


Went to work.
Worked two houses, one all by myself.
Did a shit ton of paperwork.
Had my FIL pop in for a day visit.
Ran home.
Picked up Kryatal's for dinner.
Got all derby-fied.
Got Mo all ballet-ed up.
Got Rebecca al Emo-ed up.
Took daughter #2 (Mo) to her ballet dress rehearsal.
Went with Daughter #1 (Rebecca) to her final Emo Poetry reading.
Listened to newly minted teenagers whine about a life they have not lived yet.
Listened to the assistant principal play guitar and sing "Hotel California".
Left emo poetry reading as fast as possible.
Picked up daughter #2 from ballet dress rehearsal.
Realized I had been going since 4:30am.
Decided against going to derby.
Went to Taco Bell.
Went home. Going to be right now!!!!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


This week has been rough.

  • Employees have been being douchey.
  • Employees have been being ungrateful.
  • Ex-employees think I still give a shit about them.
  • Had a client possibly commit suicide and burn his house down.
  • Had to clean a shit ton of houses because of douchey employees.
This week can't get over with fast enough for me!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


This has me all weird inside.

I knew these people personally. I knew their dog. I cleaned their house. I dusted their family photos. Photos of children playing on the beach. Photos enrobed in "Best Grandpa Ever" frames. Family memories. Beautiful art juxtapositioned next to finger paintings.

They found a car in the driveway. The family dog was inside, with the car running and the A/C on so she'd be comfortable. There was a note inside the car saying how she was friendly and wouldn't bite.

There was a body inside the house..... The house that had been reduced to rubble and cinders. The finger paintings gone, the photos only a charred memory of times happier. It isn't known if the body is the husband or the wife, the damage was too extensive. No one has heard from the other spouse yet.

Maybe it's because I spoke to these people about the mundane that has me all funny feeling. I spoke about scheduling around their vacation, talked about how the dog, Lucy, didn't like the vacuum, etc. And now the people and the house are gone. Burned to the ground.

Sometimes I think I care too much. I send get well cards to the clients who are ill. I call my clients and check on them when I haven't heard of them after their vacations. New babies, birthdays, you name it..... I know.

And now I'm sad.

Monday, May 24, 2010


In about a week and a half, I'll be moving........


This time though, we are moving into a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom house.

That's a bedroom for each kid. No sharing. No more arguments about, "Her stuff is on MY SIDE!!" or "Moooooooooooom! I can't find my (clothing, school book, toy, socks, etc....).

Granted, I have to box shit up again, but I have a nice place with a YARD to put it in. Photo's will eventually follow. The only problem I see is that I am now in Bradentucky territory.

Hope they like Hot pink and black out here!!

Saturday, May 22, 2010


A couple of weeks back, I tweeted about an ad on Craigslist that one of the girls at work found.. It was in the "missed connections" section. You know, that personals section one rung below the category where all the hookers and escorts advertise for "dates" and "massages"? Yep, there. Anywhoo, apparently there was this ad. It was short, sweet, and too the point. The girls had a good laugh about it, I took it in stride, and I figured if I didn't respond the guy would get the message that A. I wasn't interested or B. I don't cruise CL for love.

Enter this past Friday night.

I was about to collapse on the bed in exhaustion when HHH showed me something. This was in that days missed connections. HHH had been looking into that section to see if the guy would put in another ad and sure enough, he did. This one was a little creepier. It talks of going back to the vacuum store where he first saw me, and him possibly sending flowers. Now, as flattering as some may think this is, I got a cold shiver. I had watched the latest episode of Criminal Minds the other night, the one where the weird guy picked women on Facebook,Twitter, etc and then murdered them...... and even though I was gonna kill me a wife beater the other day without a second thought, this still scares me. I have no clue who this guy is or what he looks like, but he knows what I look like and probably, where I work. Can we say paranoid? That's great kids.... I knew you could!

So now I am NEVER unlocking the front door to the office when I am alone there for the foreseeable future. Also not gonna just waltz into the vacuum store without taking a good look at who is in there anymore. If it wasn't for the fact that they are the only repair store in town for Miele vacuums, I'd probably go somewhere else. And this makes me wonder about other things. Things like, last Tuesday at practice, I heard people cheering for me BY NAME that I had never seen before. They're probably friends with some of the other derby girls, but still, the nagging little voice is in the back of my mind saying "Is that the guy? Did he follow you to practice?"

Now, I'm not gonna let some weirdo live rent free in my head, but I am going to take a few more precautions in the future when it comes to my comings and leavings from work.

Anyone ever had this happen to them? Any ideas to squash it? (Besides gaining 200 lbs and going all Jabba the Hut uggo.) And why can't I get that Damn Lady Gaga song, "Paparazzi", out of my head?!?

Friday, May 21, 2010

I Need A Vacation.

I have just realized that I am in serious need of a vacation. I have been at my job for well over a year now.(1 year in the first week of Feb.) All of the other girls who have passed their year marks have already taken their vacations. I covered for them while they spent a week relaxing and lounging. Thursday I had one girl quit without notice and another have a melt down on me. Add that to a few personal issues and me being on my PMS week and I didn't have the best of days.

I was talking to my business coach during our weekly call and he was asking about how hard I was working, how much business I was bringing in and what all was going on in the office and as I recounted it all to him I took a deep breath and said..... "I need a vacation."

And then he asked me when I had it on the calender.

I don't. I told him that. He asked me why and after thinking about it, I told him I was just too busy. That, and there isn't anyone who can do my job at the moment. He said I need to pick out a date, put it on the calender, and start making a plan. If you have a date to work towards, you start arranging things so it can happen. So I guess I need to get with HHH and start planning a vacation. First things first..... maybe a long weekend. Then I'll work on something else a little longer.

Any suggestions?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Skate Night Again.

Tonight was the last skate night of the season. I took all the kids with me and we hit the floor rolling. Morgan brought her own skates, and Rebecca and Junior rented skates from the rink.

It wasn't too terribly crowded. I skated with each of the kids, but Junior was my bestest buddy for the night! He skated hand in hand with me. We got sodas together. He even asked for a quarter, then ran off, only to come back 5 minutes later with a green stuffed pig. He had won it out of a crane machine and gave it to me!!! How sweet is that?? My baby boy is such a cutie!!!

Then the weirdos started coming out. The best one of all was this guy who had a cane and ONE SKATE!! Um... if you are handicapped enough to not have movement in one of your arms and are in need of a cane, then you probably shouldn't add roller skates to the mix! And then he was out in the middle of the floor!!!! Slowly he hobble/skated around, blocking people and causing pile ups with the less capable skaters. Hopefully you saw the Twitter or Facebook of the photo I took.

So now I'm tired, I've skated 4 hours, and I'm taking my green piggy and going to bed.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Practice at derby last night was a killer. An hour and a half with no A/C and hard hitting = Blonde is T-I-R-E-D!!

I also went and cleaned a sick nasty house today. The one with the crap growing out of the wall. Yeah, didn't touch that shit. After spending 2 and a half hours scrubbing smoker's residue off that kitchen... I was beat.

Then I had to go back to the office and do all the paperwork. Le sigh.

Good night.

Monday, May 17, 2010


  • Woman clip clops into the Wall to Wall Mart bathroom and occupies the stall next to me. Said woman then uses restroom, then leaves with out flushing OR washing her hands. One can only hope she wiped!
  • I was out cleaning houses today, and in the first one I did the bathrooms. Can I just say no matter how much money people seem to have, it's the rich fuckers who can't hit the toilet bowl!! I mean, what the hell man?!? If you have one of those expensive frickin', low flow, heated seat toilets, at least use the damn thing correctly! (Pee and poop go in the hole!)
  • Took the family to dinner at Sonny's BBQ where we got entertained by a single, older gentleman with a vicious duck flip hairdo squirting BBQ sauce from the bottles on his index finger, then sucking it off. He did this for 15 minutes till his food arrived. Glad I had already eaten.
  • Also seen in Wall to Wall Mart..... Albino tattooed guy with arm around midget goth girl who had Sam's Cola, bread, and Ho Ho's in their cart. That's a swingin' time in Bradentucky apparently.
  • I estimated a place today that literally scared me. The woman was showing me around and led me to the guest bathroom. I was looking it over and she said, "Oh, and there is grass or something growing out of the wall behind the toilet." Um, mama say whaaaaa.... No lie, there is "something" growing out of the wall, but it ain't grass. It was some sort of slime/black mold. And I saw the mold rings radiating through out the dry wall that wasn't so dry. I looked at her, shook my head, and explained to her that we may be able to get the mold etc off the wall, but that if there was "grass" growing through to this side of the wall, the other side must have a swamp growing on it! I told her it was a distinct possibility that the water may have to be shut off, the toilet taken up, and the wall cut away to find the leak. Then the leak could be fixed, the wall replaced, and the toilet put back. She didn't looked pleased. This is why you look a place over carefully BEFORE you sign the lease.
Some days are just filled with EW!

Sunday, May 16, 2010


... have one of those days where you're just blah?

I got one of those going on at the moment. I hate being in limbo. Even though we have only 2 weeks of it. I don't like it. I'm going to try and concentrate on work and derby, and hopefully that will get me by.

I'm also realizing Gobo IS NOT Toby. Gobo thinks he's a mountain goat. He climbs the furniture to get to things he is not supposed to get to. Like people food that is bad for him, items to chew he should NOT be chewing, and other such nonsense. Yes, I understand he is a baby..... but I miss my Toby. Sigh....

I hope next week brings us a good choice of houses. We shall see...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

To Unpack or Leave It??

I dunno what's worse.....

Unpacking the boxes.

Or unpacking the boxes knowing I will have to re-pack them again in two weeks?


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Things That Scare Us.

The girls and I were talking in the office today about what scares the holy crap out of us when we're cleaning. See, a few weeks back we were running a Saturday job out at an office and as we were coming out the front door one of the ladies started to scream at the top of her lungs and practically ran me over to get away from something. That something turned out to be a little black snake. He apparently snuck up and tickled The lady's ankle. That got us to talking about what we have found at jobs that has scared the holy bejeebus out of us. For me, it's spiders. I can't stand the little bastards! I was fine up until when I was 11. Then at 3am, a wolf spider fell off of the ceiling of my room, landed on my cheek waking me out of a deep sleep and I haven't liked the little shits ever since. I can deal with snakes, rats, roaches, you name it...... but hell no I ain't messin wit no spiders!!! Hell, I even had a lizard fall into my hair while I was cleaning a place last week..... didn't phase me, but If I had to go to a house with a shitload of spiders....FORGET IT! Or I'd go in, vacuums blazing, and suck those little bastards to kingdom come!!!!!

So what gives YOU the Heebie Jeebies???

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm Gonna Go To Jail.

I woke up this morning to something no one should have to wake up to. I had two desperate texts, sent around 1am, from one of the girls who work for me. See, she has been separated from her husband because he is an abuser. Just two weeks ago she finally was granted a restraining order against him. Not that those pieces of paper help, but it's something, right? Anyway, The gist of the texts was that her husband was waiting for her at the place she's been staying at. He apparently beat her, and when she tried to escape into her car, he broke out the windows as well. She's in the local domestic violence shelter, and he's in jail for the moment, but still.... he's been stalking her for months now. I recently learned he's been lying in wait for her in our work parking lot in the mornings, menacing her. Right at this moment..... I am seething with rage! How dare he think she's his property just because he's married to her. I have a few um...... "anger" issues and I have been working shit out at derby, but once I started getting texts from the girl apologizing for her situation, begging MY pardon for disrupting work, and saying how ashamed she was that this had happened, the rage began bubbling to the surface! I swear to GOD if I see that motherfucker in our parking lot again IF he gets out of jail, I am taking the tire iron we recently used to change one of the cars tires and I will cleave his skull. That will be after I fuck up his BMW so I can lure him out of the car. No one deserves to be treated like he has treated my friend. NO ONE!!! Am I a little protective of my girls at work Hell fucking YES I am!!!

So here I am, saying in my best Tweeter from "Varsity Blues" voice...

"I'm a gonna go to jail."

Bail me out when I do??

Monday, May 10, 2010

3 Weeks.

Now that the immediate has been taken care of, we have 3 weeks to look for somewhere to live. I refuse to live in Bradentucky permanently. This is high enemy territory I'm stuck in! Holy turf wars, Roller Girl!!

So HHH's work isn't charging us rent to live here for the three weeks.We just pay TV and electric and we're good. HHH is going to sock away his paychecks and we're gonna pay bills out of mine.

Now to just find somewhere decent to go.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

That's Why They Call It The Blues.

I'm here. I didn't explode like I thought I would. It was a VERY close thing on Friday evening. I kid you not. We went to look at a house in Osprey and before we went out, I told the woman our $$ situation, and she said OK. So then we drove out there, looked at the most beautiful house ever, only to be told by the woman, "Oh I'm sorry. My husband said you have to have $4500 to be able to move in." I. Broke. Down. Not a pretty thing, let me tell you. Finally, in the 11th hour, HHH new work said we could stay in the loaner 2 BR they use for traveling people who work for the company.

I Love You Honey, but I'm still not happy.

Yes he is trying his hardest, and yes I love him and am very proud of him, but the stress level I have right now could kill a lesser being. If it weren't for the fact he has a well paying job, I would be in jail right now for killing him. I love you baby, but this shit has to stop. No more moving after June. No more job jumping. I wanna be a regular old mom, with a job and a hobby. I wanna have a year's worth of holidays in the same place. I really,... REALLY love you. It's why I have followed you this far, but I'm tired and I'm broken on the inside, even as the outside packs boxes yet again. I'm not trying to make you upset with me, but you said you're not a mind reader so I have to say this to you. Out Loud.

I Love You.

Happy Mother's Day.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Dating a roller girl: A survival guide... By Joan of Dark

Some words of advice if your girl decides to take up derby:

1. If she gets naked, and tells you to "come look at my ass, quick"! don't get excited. She just wants to show you a new bruise shaped EXACTLY like an Atom wheel.
2. If she's fully clothed, and tells you to "come look at my ass, quick"! again, don't get excited. She just wants to show you that her ass is now so well developed, she can balance a beer on it.
3. If she's whining about how much pain she is in, do NOT, repeat, do NOT, say, "why don't you just give up derby". This will only result in,
a) cold shoulder
b) yells of "you don't understand"!
c) the ENTIRE TEAM giving you the cold shoulder for your lack of support.
4. If she is whining about how much time derby takes, see #3.
5. Just accept the fact that sometimes her sweat will smell like beer.
6. Also just accept that your formerly demure, sweet, and quiet girl, may forget that she's not in the company of 60 other roller girls, and smell her pits in public.
7. If you smell something funky in your living area, it's the skate bag. Find it, hide it far away from you. Do not, under any circumstances, open the bag.
8. When she comes home and announces that she's going to wash out her pads, find an excuse, any excuse, to leave the house before she gets them out of her bag. Run fast.
9. Do not be alarmed if she has a "wife" in the league. It's nothing personal.
10. When she is on her period, chances are, the entire league is on their period. All 30-80 of them. Keep it in mind.
11. She will consider panties appropriate attire. Don't try to fight it.
12. Don't waste your money on jewelry. She wants new wheels. If you really want to get laid, new wheels AND bearings.
13. It's not a good idea to let her drive if she's just been skating. She will see the car as one giant roller skate, and every other driver as the opposing team.
14. Those cute feet that you love? Say your goodbyes. They will develop blisters, "pusher creatures", bruises and bunions. Make sure to tell her "they're not that bad" when she goes to wear flip flops in the summer.
15. If you're a girl dating a roller girl, don't try to fight it. You'll probably become one too.
16. If you're a guy dating a girl, either accept your derby widow status, or try to support her by supporting the league as a volunteer.
17. Overall, say goodbye to the girl you once knew. She's been replaced by a roller girl. She's still the same person, just stronger, more confident(and if you're smart) to you, a million times more beautiful.


Yes, I am still shrinking. This is a picture from derby practice last night. Pretty soon, I'll be back to my high school weight!! I'm almost there now. It's funny how much impact just adjusting your activity and diet can do! When we practice for derby, we do it sans A/C. It's kind of like that hot yoga, only with hitting! I predict that when summer rolls around and temperatures rise, I'll lose even MORE weight!

Whoo hoo!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Staying Classy

See that right up there??

That is #1428 of the Bradentucky Bombers giving a 2 handed yank and shove to our SRG jammer. The Bomber in question never got called on her yank and shove even though she was in full view of the referees.


That was how the night went for us. We would get a great jam going for us and then we'd get slapped around by poor reffing for us. Oh, we'd get called to the penalty box for the least little thing, but not the Bombers. It was so bad that at one point, our coach Johnny E went out and started questioning the Referee's ability to call a game decently. Didn't help though....

I was so mad that when the last jam of the night came around, I was skating and every bitch I saw went down. I didn't care. It wasn't going to matter any way. Then as the buzzer sounded the head ref tried to send me to the box..... WTF dumbass! Game over and you already handed it to the other team!

Fuck you asshole.

I can't wait till it's our turn to play them again on our turf, with real ref's who will call a fair game!

Oh it's ON now!

Just so you know, that went on almost the entire night

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Just Sayin'......



So Last night I went to Trader Vic's with HHH and we had dinner and drinks with the roller girls. It was cool, but we got there REEEEEEEEEEALLLLLY late.Everyone was done by the time we got there and got a drink or two and we ended up having a date night instead. Dinner was totally awesome and my girl Cuteney Cutthroat, (who is the most awesome server in the universe!!),took awesome care of us.

Now I'm off to check on a cleaning for another Derby Girl, SCARlet Frenzy, who contracted the green cleaning company I run to do her offices on Saturdays!!! I love Derby.

And remember, tomorrow in Bradenton is our bout against the Bradentucky Bombers!!!!