Wednesday, October 21, 2009

In With The New.

So I have gotten through day 2 of life without Toby. yeah, I know you all are tired of hearing this by now, but I am still heartbroken. I only broke down twice today, so that was an improvement. I didn't turn into a sniveling mess while on the phone with a client either, which is a marked improvement as well.

Yesterday when I got home there was a beautiful flower arrangement on the kitchen counter. It was from the woman who was walking the dog that killed Toby. It expressed her condolences along with her family. It could have been a giant pile of gold for all I cared at that moment. It wasn't the cold, snuffly nose that always followed me around when I got home in the evenings. It wasn't the excited yips I used to get when I rattled the door knob. It wasn't him.

Today when I got home HHH was telling me about how all our neighbors were looking online, printing out pages from rescues, and even banding together to take up a collection to get me another dog. I am really appreciative of all the good work and well wishes, but as I looked at the photos and bios of Yorkies that they had printed out, I flipped to another page and there was a dog named Toby. OMG I lost my shit right there in the car! I'm not ready for another dog. I am still grieving my baby boy. My sweet fuzzy who I loved like a child, I am just not ready to replace him. Hell, I can't even keep food down yet! Well, the dinner I ate which consisted of BBQ pork and nothing else did stay down finally. We'll see how things go tomorrow.

So, that's where I'm at. Kind of a limbo place that hasn't gotten any better, but isn't any worse either. In other news, in an attempt to make me feel better, HHH took me to go buy new boots for my costume. I got pretty ones that I could wear after the party. And he bought me a new shirt too. I love that he was using retail therapy to try and make me feel better. The nookie later that evening was a pretty good way to forget for a little while too. Sigh...... I know it will get better, I just wish it got better faster.


CP said...

Please excuse the interruption.

This is a Public Service Announcement from Certifiable Princess:
Hello. My name is CP. I see you are attending Avitable’s Halloween Party this weekend. I stopped by to introduce myself. Nice to meet you!
Thank you and goodnight.

You may now resume your regularly scheduled comments. :)

PS: I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved Shadow a number of years back and I still am not over it. They take up so much space in our hearts, don't they? Feel better.

Finn said...

CP is making me laugh today. Seek her out at the party -- she's a hoot and will help you feel better for a while.

Give it time, hon. Allow yourself to grieve.

I'll see you soon. xo

Blondefabulous said...

CP: Thanks for the well wishes. I appreciate it. Can't wait to meet you at Avitaween!

FINN: I am giving it time, but I have a slew of people trying to push the "New dog will make it better" philosophy on me. Do. Not. Want. I have to grieve my baby boy, just like I would anyone else. I'm sure time will heal this ache in my heart, now if I could get people to give the time I need......

Lynda said...

When I have lost a pet, I have found putting love and attention into another pet helps with the loss. I think this is your neighbors' mentality.

However, you lost your baby in a very traumatic way. I can understand you not wanting a pet. I think you also need to find the pet that is right for you, when you are ready.

It's a nice sentiment, but it sounds like they need to back off a bit.

I'm really sorry to hear about Toby. I hope the food situation gets better for you.