Saturday, March 14, 2009
Today did not go quite like I planned. I'll elaborate....
#1- Wanted to sleep in since it was Saturday and my day off. Nope. Didn't happen. Some asshole who had mariachi music playing at impossible decibels pulled up in the neighbor's drive way and started honking at 5:30am. 5:30AM PEOPLE!!!!! What the hell is that shit? I tried to get back to sleep, but ended up just dozing fitfully. Assholes.
#2-Tried to go to the beach today. Nope. Didn't happen. We drove out there, but it was impossibly packed. We waited too late, and too late came at 10:30am. The lot accommodates 800 cars, and there STILL wasn't any room. It sucked major fanny.
#3- Got shit on in the back yard. Yep. That did happen. I was out back hanging out laundry, playing with the kids & talking to HHH as he grilled hot dogs for lunch and suddenly I feel this "plop" on my forehead and shirt. I look down and see bird crap on me. I feel my fore head and wipe bird crap off my face. Oh my GAWD!!!!! WTF is happening today!
#4- Got smacked between the eyes with plastic plates. Yep. That happened. I was trying to open the cupboard to get some plates for the kids to have their lunch on and as I did, SMACK! Right between the eyes. It was as if I was in some sort of comedy of happenstance. I kept waiting for either Seth Rogan or Jim Carrey to pop out of the door and start some sort of comedic scene. It was starting to feel surreal1
#5- Pinched my finger bad with the hot dog tongs. Yep. That happened. It hurt like a bitch. I think I said what I thought sounded like, "F*%k you you f*^king motherf%*ker and all of your f*%king family.", but actually came out of my mouth sounding like, "Oh fudge ripple tartar sauce with whipped cream on top!". I threw the tongs in the dish pan and snatched up the hot dogs by hand and slammed them on the plate.
(It is good to note here that the kids and HHH were REALLY starting to look at me funny. I can only imagine what I looked like as all this was happening.)
#6- Oscar can't poop with out making 5 and 1/2 turns. Yep. He does that. Looks like a little fuzzy whirling dervish too. I know that has nothing to do with me, but I just thought I'd throw that one in there for shits and giggles. Get it? Shits and giggles??? Oh come ON! I know you people are out there.... I can hear you breathing.
Oh....... I give up on this day. I'll start fresh tomorrow.