Thursday, March 26, 2009

A How To Guide For People Having Their Home Professionally Cleaned, By Blondefabulous.


OK. You know that I have been working these last couple of weeks for a green cleaning company. We go, we clean, we leave. Simple, right?

WRONG-O!!!!

Every kind of conceivable thing has happened so far..... from the naked people to overly picky followers. I can usually tune everyone out now since I got the iPod, but some people are just OMGSTFU! Here is a short list of pointers from me on what you should and should not do when paying to have your house cleaned by a professional company.

#1- DO NOT BE HOME!

I cannot stress this enough. If you are under foot, using the bathroom, showering, cooking, watching TV, etc, etc, etc.... it makes it harder for us to do our job. If you are still cooking, I cannot clean your kitchen, if you decide to take an hour long steam shower don't make that decision until AFTER we are done because I will not be able to clean your bathroom if your naked ass is still in it, if you are having company stay with you, please mention to them that we are arriving so they can get their hemorrhoid creams, herpes medication, and other such crap out of the bathroom, I don't need to see that. And while we are on the subject of company....

#2- DON'T INVITE COMPANY FOR THE WEEK WE ARE CLEANING YOUR HOUSE.

Why, why, WHY would you have strange people in your house the week we come to clean? It's not enough we have to wipe up your mess, pee, poop, and assorted pubic hairs, now we have to do it for you guests too? Um.... no. I am not in that frame of mind. Most customers have us come once every 2 weeks, and so schedule your friends and family to come on the days we are not going to be there. Last week we went to a home where the people were all sitting around shooting the shit while I was schlepping around all the dusters and cloths trying to clean around them. Bleck!

#3- IF YOU MUST BE HOME, TRY TO STAY OUT OF THE WAY.

This sounds simple, but it isn't. Most people can't help but chat you up as you are trying to wipe up last night's dinner off of the stove. It's like we're some sort of bartender/therapist person or something. There's just one problem with that.... we are on a schedule. In the morning, our boss prints out the day's houses for us to go to and just how long each one is supposed to take. If we dawdle, we get in trouble, so stopping to chat is just not an option. Add to that the fact that we can overlook things that need a little extra attention if we are yammering away with you and voila.... house is still crappy even after we clean, so please, just find a quiet place to sit, or go for a walk, or camp out and watch TV in the family room. Just remember to lift your feet when we come through with the vacuum.

#4- I DON'T NEED TO KNOW EVERYONE YOU HAVE OVER.

Today, I cleaned in a home of an older woman who had a personal assistant. As I was cleaning the kitchen, this "assistant" came up to me, introduced herself, and proceeded to insert herself in between the client and us. "Don't speak to the client, just to me.", was the gist of the conversation I got. (The woman ignored my iPod clad ears.) Um... I'm just a flunky lady, go talk up my boss. KTHNXBAI! It made me think, why is this woman controling the client. The client also had a personal nurse, a physical therapist, and some other person over while we were there. All of those people introduced themselves to me. I just wanted to clean the scum ring out of the kitchen sink. I don't want to know your business, (even though I kinda do through cleaning up after you and emptying your trash.) Keep it to your self, mkay?

#5- DON'T HAVE ANYTHING OUT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN.

This includes dirty undies, naughty items of a vibrating nature, any kind of media, printed or video, of a questionable nature, or any kind of paper work which is sensitive in nature. In my years as a house cleaner (from back in 2007) I knew about one clients adoption trials, another's alcohol abuse, someone's health troubles, and another's porn addiction. While I may do the dirty work of cleaning up your home, I do not want to handle your dirty business.(ie- used condoms, snotty hankies, and feminine hygiene products.) We see everything. We'll know everything.

#6- DON'T BE A NIT PICKY NELLY!

If you follow me around the whole time I am there, I will never get anything done. If you have a list of things you want us to concentrate on, write it down or call the boss and ask her to put it on the invoice sheet for us to look at. It will get done faster and more efficiently that way. People always saying, "Hey can I show you something..." every 15 minutes throws off our rhythm and makes us take longer. Don't do it. It suck ass.

Well, that's all I have for now. I'm sure I will have more later. For now.... take these tips and if you can, hire some hard working girls to clean your home. We appreciate your patronage, just not your interference.

PS- the photo is NOT me!

3 comments:

Ms. Florida Transplant said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kvegas911 said...

I could not deal with people directly over my shoulder *shudder* more power to ya sister!

Blondefabulous said...

MS FLORIDA: Yes, I am sure the photo isn't me, but it mat be soon. I have been loosing crazy weight working this job.
Good to hear you're moving. I hear good things about Wordpress, but I'm so technologically behind I am still on blogger!

Comment has been deleted.

KVEGAS911: It;s not everyone, but some of the people are just on you like white on rice, ya know??