Monday, January 26, 2009

Public Internet Access Etiquette, The Blondefabulous Way!

Lately, I have been going down to the pool to do my blog posting. It is pretty nice down there. By 6pm everyone has gone home, there's lots of peace and quiet, and I can get a blog post out in a little under an hour. Unfortunately, there are a few individuals that try to ruin a good hot spot for the rest of us, and for those lost souls, I have written out....

The Blondefabulous Guide To Using The Internet Hot Spot.

Don't hog up the entire Computer room!
I understand that you are an up and coming young person and you have a really great SOCOM or WoW or COD game going on with your buddies in 5 other countries, but for God's sake, rope your shit in a little so someone else can use the community computer room too! I took my kids down to the Community computer room today because Rebecca had to research a project, the other two had homework, and I needed to help all of them at once. We get to the room and there are 2 computer stations for residents to use, then there is a table for those of us with lap tops. On said table is some guy who looked like he was about 21 playing one of the above games. He had all his shit spread out all over the table so it was almost impossible for me to set up on it with my lap top to help the two younger kids while Rebecca used the desk top at the work station. Dude wasn't even apologetic about it either. Fucking douche!

#2- Realize that if I am blogging away, I am in a zone.
I was at the pool last night and I was doing my thing, writing away without a care in the world. I finished and got up to leave and as I did I saw there was someone I knew sitting at one of the tables. It took a moment to register, but once it did I said hi and went on back home. I thought all was well till I found out today that he went to my friend and said, "Well Blonde must be pissed off and hate me because she didn't say two words to me at the pool." Hey, cunty motherfucker..... If I was busy, I was busy! Did it ever occur to you to say hi to me first? Was that something that didn't blip on your radar? Obviously not. Oh and I did say two words to you. I said "Hi ___." as I walked past you.

#3- No one wants to see your giblets!!!
Oh my GAWD! No one here wants to see you play with yourself in public! If you are that hard up to show off your nonexistent goods to the Internet, you need some serious help. I'm not talking what people do in there houses, mind you, I am talking out in public like at Bux, a library, or say... HERE AT THE POOL! Case in point, right now there is some dude sitting on a lounge chair that I normally sit on, (but now will never ever do so again), rubbing his crotch and clicking away on his lap top! Can we say Eeeewwwww! I knew you could! Dude! Take that shit home and do it there. That's just nasty.

#4- Always bring raccoon repellent.
I added this one on after what happened the other night. See, I was sitting in my former lounge chair reading blogs, writing my own blog, and just cruising the Internet when I got the distinct feeling I was not alone. I looked out over the pool, but it was deserted. There was no one around. I thought I was just being a dork so I went back to blogging and then I heard a noise. I thought, well maybe someone is in the fitness center. I turn my head to the right to look and see a huge ass raccoon on his hind legs,........ READING over my shoulder!!! OMFG!!!!!! I was almost close to having a conniption fit! I didn't though. I was very still, turned my head back around and went on with what I was doing. (You may remember that I Twittered about it after it happened.) The raccoon must have gotten bored because he dropped back down to all fours and casually sauntered off like he owned the place. I was flabbergasted! WTF man? So now I guess I need to have either a snack for the guy or some raccoon repellent.

There are probably more rules we could all come up with. If you have a good one, leave it for me as a comment. As it is, I still get more blogging done here than at home right now. It just seems to go faster when there are no distractions... you know, other than Mr. Crotch Rubber over there! LOL!


Russ said...

On #3, you can feel better knowing that they, most likely, put the chairs away at night and then redistribute them each day.

Just to make you feel better! ;)

phinz said...

OMG!!!! We have those huge effing racoons out here in LA, too! I lived in rural Ohio all my life and NEVER saw one as big as they get here! Hubs sets one of those humane traps to catch them as they cruise thru our yard--the last time one got in there, his buddies first tried to dig him out--actually had a tunnel dug under the cage--THEN they figured out how to BEND THE DOOR OPEN--do you have ANY idea how strong they have to be?!
I am impressed that you didn't panic and run--like I did when one of 'em crawled up a tree about 5 feet from me one evening! I don't bother with 'coon repellent--I just stay in the house after dark!

Nicole said...

okay this is JUST what I needed before bed - thank you! I can't stop laughing!

kapgar said...

I have heard far too many stories of people, er, rubbing themselves in public computer labs. Thankfully, those stories end with their bookings at local police stations.

Blondefabulous said...

RUSS: No unfortunately the complex does not pick up the chairs and store them at night. That's why they were all still out for Mr. Rub A Dub to be all nasty on. I just hope this was the first time he was doing that on that chair. {shudder}

PHINZ: the day after that happened, I was coming back from the mall with Ms.M and the kids when we looked ahead on the street ans saw a family of about 10 of the jokers crossing the street. The raccoon population is healthy and thriving in Sarasota......

NICOLE: Glad to have given you a chuckle! ;-)

KAPGAR: I was far enough away from the guy that I wasn't being nosey, but I could still tell what he was doing. I don't make scenes because you never know if the dude was a closet ax murderer.... I just took the same approach as with the raccoon. Sit quietly and hope he goes away! Eh... it worked.

HoosierGirl5 said...

#1 - I hate people who hog public spaces. Like one of my co-teachers who spreads out in the teacher's lounge. Or the laundrymat.

#2 - Non-bloggers do not understand "the blogging zone". They'll get over it.

#3 - Guys are just gross.

#4 - Raccoons scare the shit out of me! They're like big, dark, furry DOGS! I would have screamed and ran. Really.

Great post.


Christina LMT said...

*whew*...*wipes away tears of mirth*

Very nice post, I could really picture everything ("ugh" at the icky dude!)
I need to get me a laptop, that's all there is to it.