And by hefty, I mean portly, chubby, .......FAT!
I mostly mean me. I am hefty. I have never been a small child, not by any means. When I turned 11, I gained weight. A LOT of weight. From then on, it was a battle of the bulge for the rest of my freaking life! Any kind of holiday, celebration, or important event revolved around food. My family and I would stuff ourselves silly with good southern foods. Sweet potatoes, hams, fried chicken, creamed corn, dinner rolls..... you name it. Later, I realized that my family had an addiction problem with other things. My mother is addicted to nicotine, my father is an alcoholic. My sister is a sex and drug addict. Me.... I stayed with food. Watching everyone I loved self destruct at one time or another scared me beyond belief. At one point in time I remember my father being so drunk, he took my mom and I (a CHILD) to a bar where I had to watch him get even more drunk, watch my mother do absolutely NOTHING to stand up for me, and then when my father was driving us home, (weaving all over the road), I was so scared I asked him to pull over. Know what he told me? "Fuck you Blonde! Fuck you! I don't give a shit what you want!" He meant it too. Oh he doesn't remember it, and even if he did I doubt he would apologize. He passed out after we got home and instead of my mother packing me up and taking me the hell away from there that VERY moment, she just told me to go to bed and shut up. At 11 years old, a child should not have to deal with that by downing an entire bag of Chips Ahoy, but I did.
I am an emotional eater.
So I see the holidays fast approaching and I wonder.... am I going to go overboard? Probably. Especially since I am currently not speaking to my mom and dad or my sister. When we were being made homeless, my parents had the wherewith all to help us, but refused. They did not care in the slightest that we were going to be out on the street. In fact, my mother said she could keep Rebecca for me, but the other two kids, HHH and myself would have to sleep in our van in the driveway. WTF is that shit? And then they decide that my sister, who is a proven drug addict, a possibly current prostitute, and a complete scam artist is a better person to help them with their finances and planning. Really? Well, hell yeah I am going to be doing some eating! I'm probably going to be eating my own weight in turkey, stuffing, & cranberry sauce! Add to that the fact that I am playing host to HHH's brother and family,( you know the one who let us get thrown out by his in-laws? Yeah them!) and I am going to be an eating machine!
They say if you know your triggers, it's easier to control your eating. I say bullshit. You can't control family. Lord knows I have tried! All I know is, I am probably going to put on a few more pounds this holiday season. So when I ask you, "Do I look fat in this?", humor me.
Say I look great and thank God you don't belong in my family!