Tuesday, November 18, 2008

This Is Pretty Hefty.


And by hefty, I mean portly, chubby, .......FAT!


I mostly mean me. I am hefty. I have never been a small child, not by any means. When I turned 11, I gained weight. A LOT of weight. From then on, it was a battle of the bulge for the rest of my freaking life! Any kind of holiday, celebration, or important event revolved around food. My family and I would stuff ourselves silly with good southern foods. Sweet potatoes, hams, fried chicken, creamed corn, dinner rolls..... you name it. Later, I realized that my family had an addiction problem with other things. My mother is addicted to nicotine, my father is an alcoholic. My sister is a sex and drug addict. Me.... I stayed with food. Watching everyone I loved self destruct at one time or another scared me beyond belief. At one point in time I remember my father being so drunk, he took my mom and I (a CHILD) to a bar where I had to watch him get even more drunk, watch my mother do absolutely NOTHING to stand up for me, and then when my father was driving us home, (weaving all over the road), I was so scared I asked him to pull over. Know what he told me? "Fuck you Blonde! Fuck you! I don't give a shit what you want!" He meant it too. Oh he doesn't remember it, and even if he did I doubt he would apologize. He passed out after we got home and instead of my mother packing me up and taking me the hell away from there that VERY moment, she just told me to go to bed and shut up. At 11 years old, a child should not have to deal with that by downing an entire bag of Chips Ahoy, but I did.


I am an emotional eater.


So I see the holidays fast approaching and I wonder.... am I going to go overboard? Probably. Especially since I am currently not speaking to my mom and dad or my sister. When we were being made homeless, my parents had the wherewith all to help us, but refused. They did not care in the slightest that we were going to be out on the street. In fact, my mother said she could keep Rebecca for me, but the other two kids, HHH and myself would have to sleep in our van in the driveway. WTF is that shit? And then they decide that my sister, who is a proven drug addict, a possibly current prostitute, and a complete scam artist is a better person to help them with their finances and planning. Really? Well, hell yeah I am going to be doing some eating! I'm probably going to be eating my own weight in turkey, stuffing, & cranberry sauce! Add to that the fact that I am playing host to HHH's brother and family,( you know the one who let us get thrown out by his in-laws? Yeah them!) and I am going to be an eating machine!


They say if you know your triggers, it's easier to control your eating. I say bullshit. You can't control family. Lord knows I have tried! All I know is, I am probably going to put on a few more pounds this holiday season. So when I ask you, "Do I look fat in this?", humor me.


Say I look great and thank God you don't belong in my family!

8 comments:

Bluepaintred said...

Hugs my dear. That's all I can offer. well, that or cookies, but you bake better than I do so ....

Hilly said...

I'm absolutely an emotional eater too and I always go batshit crazy over the holidays. It's almost like I loosen my leash and just pretend that for a month I can do whatever I want.

Last year I did not.
This year I hope not too as well.

Lots of good vibes to you, hon!

Putz said...

my wife's dad drunk himself to death...we went in too see his last death thros and his liver was pickled, he only drank for his meals and he lay there semi concious moaning and groaning and then he died with a yellow tinge all over his body

Russ said...

I don't know what to say. Stiff upper lip and all that, I suppose. It just makes my bellyaching about my in-laws pretty petty (which it is).

GingerSnaps said...

Oh god. I don't know you well at all, but I just want to say that I really do look forward to meeting you soon. Even more so after reading this. Seems we come from a similar volatile childhood (in my case, it was my mom who was batshit crazy and my dad who didn't take me out of it). So I really just want to give you a big hug even now more than ever. I also want to say, look at us...we are beautiful women who are still here. We made it through hell and we are going to KEEP making it through in spite of what tries to push us down.

*hugs*

Miss Britt said...

You look great. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hugs from me also. When I moved across the country and married a man I shouldn't have, I ate emotionally too--gained 40 pounds. I'll leave when I'm ready, and in the meantime, I don't let him have THAT control over me--I will NOT make myself fat because of him. It's a contol thing and I took it back. You can too. F those people--keep piling food on THEIR plates--all under the guise of being gracious--and make THEM eat too much. Play a mind game with THEM.
phinz

Tug said...

Hang in there girl, and know that you have ALL OF US behind you cheering you on & lifting you up from 'behind the scenes'...

((hugs))