Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Be A Parent, Not A Girlfriend, Damnit!

You'll have to excuse the language up there, I am a little pissed! I just found out that one of the girls my daughter has been hanging out with is putting makeup on her when she's at the bus stop waiting in the morning! WTF?? HHH was doing a work order in one of the Walking Mom's apartments and she let him in on that little tidbit. And this was AFTER I pulled for her to be able to keep hanging out with that same little girl when HHH had said he didn't want her to! Talk about a slap in the face. I am going to have a serious talk with Rebecca when she gets home. There will be repercussions!!

We had already talked about make up a few weeks ago when I was getting her registered in Booker MS. I had told her that make up is something I didn't start wearing until I was 16 and I didn't really need it anyway. I explained to her that, when the time came, I would take her to a professional make up counter and have a trained professional teach her how to make herself look beautiful. I didn't have that as a young woman. I just had my mother tell me, "Don't look like a clown.". I think a mother daughter day at a nice store with a professional make up consultant would make for a great bonding time, but that day is still 4 years and 3 months away! The little girl down stairs is only 11, like my daughter, yet she comes over wearing a full face of make up. Foundation, eye liner, shadow, mascara, blush, and lip gloss. I don't know what to make of it. I have met the girl's mother, however, and I think I see where this behavior is coming from. The mom isn't what one would call, very "Mom-ish". Kind of a stand off, not too friendly kind of woman who is apparently working all the time. This may be the only way the little girl get attention from her mother, by sharing make up! One day Rebecca came home and said the little girl was cooking dinner for herself since her mom doesn't come home until 7:30 pm. What? I thought you couldn't leave your kids alone unless they were at least 14!

Now I am going to have to sit down with Rebecca AGAIN and tell her that I know she is putting on make up in the morning's and washing it off before she comes home. I am going to have to think long and hard on whether I am going to let her hang out with that little girl anymore. When HHH had told Rebecca she wasn't allowed to see the little girl anymore the first time around, Rebecca broke down crying. Now I am going to have to ground her and cut off, or at least severely limit, her contact with MakeUp Girl. I am not going to have my 11 year old CHILD making herself up like a Ronald McDonald stand in.

What say you, all you parents out there? When do you think it is appropriate for a girl to begin wearing make up? When did all you other ladies begin to apply the paint? Should I let Rebecca hang out with MakeUp Girl anymore?


Nicole said...

Okay my thoughts on the makeup issue...am I allowed to have them since i dont wear it..or does that make me a hipocrite????
Anyways, at 11 I personally dont think there's anything wrong with some mascara and lip gloss (a neutral tint) -- but the whole she-bang?? That's a little ridiculous. If you think that's okay that might be a good compromise so that there's no going behind your back??
As for me not wearing any - seriously - I don't. Don't want to waste the money on something I dont even know how to put on. Lip gloss and mascara being the 2 exceptions. That's all I wore in those wedding photos :)
The learning how to put makeup on properly I thin is a VERY important lesson - I never learned so, instead of looking like a clown - i just went without. But, yea I went to middle school with girls that wore make-up and by the time they were in HS - it looked even worse because noone showed them how to put it on and well back then make-up looked horrible anyways - LOL. Also - i think with make-up less is more is the proper attitude - you're supposed to look as though your not wearing any - so again - why bother putting all that stuff on so that you look like you aren't wearing any?? Kinda defeats the purpose. Unless of course you're going for a dramatic evening look and at 11 - I'm sure rebecca's not :)
Have here look at some pics of child beauty pagent "stars" to show her how silly "little" girls look with too much make up and maybe she'll get the idea. Okay i wrote a novel - I'll stop now :)

Christina LMT said...

I was fifteen when I started, over my mother's objections. She wanted me to wait until I was sixteen, "because that's what your Dad and I agreed on when you were born." Mind you, my parents divorced when I was ten. I basically told my mom I didn't care what she wanted, and challenged her ("What are you going to do, drag me to the sink and scrub my face?") She backed down, and that was that.
I hate seeing little girls wearing make-up. HATE it. I think once you're in high school it should be okay, but with discretion, for God's sake! Don't trowel it on. It's funny, since my seventeen year old refuses to wear any makeup whatsoever, and her little sisters really want to. I think they should be allowed (they're freshmen, and turn fifteen in December), but Dad and Stepmom disagree, and since the twins live with them, it's their house, their rules. Pisses me off, to be honest. I think your idea of a professional teaching your daughter is wonderful. I've been giving the twins tips here an there, but I'd love to have a girls' day! What fun!
I definitely think you should curtail Rebecca's contact with this other girl. Especially because she's been dishonest with you. That's a big no-no!

me said...

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leave me a comment or shoot me an email if you are interested

Blondefabulous said...

NICOLE: I would rather my 11 year old not wear anything but lip gloss(colorless) until she is 16. MakeUp Girl has taken to wearing bright blue eyeshadow, eyeliner and a gloppy ton of mascara and I really don't want Rebecca to follow THAT example. Plus I am gonna pull out the BIG guns and tell her about bacteria and grems that can be found in shared make up!

CHRISTINA LMT: 15 or 16 is the age when I would expect girls to begin wearing makeup. 11 is just too young. Up in Memphis, we used to nickname the girls who wore a ton of make up H.I.T's( hookers in training), and it was inevitable that they would end up pregnant soon after. Sad, but I see the same thing in MakeUp Girl. She is crying out for attention with the spackling on of all that make up.

CHARLENE: Thank you for reading my blog. I am glad something good has happened for you, but your profile is set to private, and I could not contact you through the regular channels. Thanks for reading.

Dr. Cissa Fireheart said...

I started wearing lip gloss at 11, but my mother had to approve of the colors. that was it.

eyeliner lipstick eyeshadow and mascara came at 13, when I hit "the teens" my mother had to approve of the colors again, and it was mostly browns and natural looking enhancement colors, although for school dances, she would let me use black mascara and a color that matched my outfit for eyeshadow.

I think that 13 is a good age, honestly. yes you have some limits, but also you have to remember to start negotiating.

let her wear lip gloss, in neutral colors, or light pinks for now..nothing that makes her look like a streetwalker or something. heck I think one of the chapstick brands even makes chap stick with a small bit of tinting...then you can protect her lips in winter and she feels like she's wearing make up!

explain to her that you don't approve of the excessive full face stuff, and tell her when she's officially using "teen" at the end of her age, she will be allowed a little bit more but in your color approved range.

I think though that maybe you should let her friend hang out with her...at approved times of course...maybe YOUR daughter will be a good influence, and she'll pick up on some things, like...what good parenting is supposed to be like and realize herself that maybe she wears too much make-up....it's worth a shot for a little while anyway...

Blondefabulous said...

DR. CISSA FIREHEART: We already let her wear the lip glosses that have glitter or really light tinting in it. I was raised having to wait until I was 16 to wear makeup. It was mostly because I wasn't in any situations where wearing make up was necessary, except for dances at school. Rebecca had already gotten in trouble with MakeUp Girl about boys quite recently, and I had talked to HHH to let her still play with MakeUp Girl even though he had his reservations about it, so this was a second chance that she messed up on her own by partaking in make up. I know Rebecca's a good kid...I just want it to stay that way! :-)

HoosierGirl5 said...

My daughter is 16. I let her start wearing a little makeup in the 6th grade (about age 12). She began wearing a little more (a little mascara, blush) in jr. high.

I'm not sure how old you are, blondefab, but we were raised in a different time. Yes, 11 is kinda young, but 16 is too old. Girls need to fit in and feel accepted. Wearing a little makeup does not make her a slut.

I find it really interesting all the assumptions you are making about her mother. Maybe her mom doesn't know what she's doing with makeup any more than you did. Just because her mom works a lot doesn't mean she's a bad mom. And you can leave your child alone for a few hours at around age 12. You're assuming that because the mom isn't friendly or "mom"ish, she approves of her daughter using too much makeup AND that the little girl was out to corrupt YOUR daughter. Lighten up! All little girls experiment and play with makeup. And I think you SHOULD let her "hang out" with the other little girl. Using makeup doesn't make her a bad kid.


Blondefabulous said...

HOOSIERGIRL5: I am 36 as of last July, and yes, you do have a point. Perhaps I am being a little too judgemental on the mom. I have tried to make ovetures to her, you know neighborly stuff, but was rebuffed both times I tried. MakeUp Girl is wearing way too much. She is caked in it, and looks a little silly. I believe that school is for learning and her having been accepted into this new school and into their Gifted Magnet program, I don't want make up and boys distracting from that, plus the point of it was, she and I had had a serious conversation about make up, what she was allowed to have, and when I would be allowing her to wear more. She blatently disobeyed me. Yes I want her to fit in, but I also want her to see that her outside isn't as important as her insides!

HoosierGirl5 said...

Oh I agree with you completely on cracking down on the disobedience. If I say no, and someone goes behind my back, the consequences are severe.

And although you are totally on the money about school being for academics, school is also a social learning situation. To be a functioning member of society, she has to learn to balance her studies with peer interactions. You are dong the right thing to give her a strong sense of self. But at 11 and 12 years old, fitting in with "the girls" and interacting with boys will be part of her learning as well. I have a feeling, if she is learning to stand up for herself from her mother, she will handle it appropriately. Honestly, in my opinion, a trip to a PRE-chosen beauty counter NOW could give her the right start. Looking back, I wish I had done that with Rachael earlier than I did.

Keep up the good work. As a teacher, I can tell you that we need more parents like you, who are not only looking out for their children but the friends of their children as well.


Blondefabulous said...

HOOSIERGIRL5: Maybe I am just being over protective. It's just, I see all these young girls wearing a ton of make up and I just want to shake them and say, "Do you KNOW what you are doing to your skin?!?" Yeah, she should fit in, but she is a beautiful girl already. Classic features, small perky nose, and wonderfully expressive eyes....she wouldn't need much enhancement anyway. Maybe I just want my child to stay a child for a little longer before the big bad world comes a knocking!

Putz said...

you know i say what i think....well i think you are a great mother teaching her about beauty...i dearly love rebecca just by her good wholesome pictures that i have seen of her, but i do fear her years there in busy florida, well really busy anywhere....can't be in bubles or head under a pillow, so i say tell her her fondest dreams will come true if she does what she is told by you, which by the way is correct, and amybe she will look forward to her prince charminging way way way down the road

Blondefabulous said...

PUTZ: You got that right. Way, way, way, WAAAAAAAAAY down the road!

metalmom said...

Babygirl wanted the makeup at 12 but we compromised.

The palest brown for eyeliner or mascara. (It wasn't as brutal as black)
Tinted lip gloss(pink)
No foundation, but I was okay with a translucent compact(she felt like it was makeup but it barely showed.)

She got bored by 14 and only just began wearing eyeliner again at 16. It doesn't have to be the end of the world. Just tell her that you want final approval before she walks out the door!

Lisa said...

I'm the mother of an 11 year old and she has no interest in wearing make up thank GOD. I think that 11 years old is TOO YOUNG. Lip gloss is about the only think I would approve of.

Blondefabulous said...

METALMOM: I think from a safety standpoint, I'd have nixed the eyeliner and mascara, but I would have been open to light eye shadow eventually if Rebecca had not gone behind my back! Sneaky will not be rewarded in this household! ;-)

LISA: Feel VERY lucky! I think 11 is too young also. Maybe like Cissa says, when she hits the "teens" I'll reconsider....but until then, I think she should have a little more childhood, ya know?

me said...

sorry about that...i just changed that and didn't think about it


Blondefabulous said...

ME: Ha ha, no problem. :-)

Philly said...

My daughter is 21 now, but boy it seems like yesterday I was right there with ya !!
I tried to take the "pick my battles" approach on this subject.Girls are tough at this age, and for many years after. I tried to teach her that less is more when it came to makeup. Apprently this worked for me because now she wears NOTHING !! When she does wear something it is very light, can't even tell that she has some on.
As for her friend? Hmmmm, could be tough. She is still young enough that you can steer her away, but with them being in school all day together they might just get closer. Why can't girls be easy? I have a teenage boy, puberty has been a breeze.
Good luck