Friday, July 18, 2008

This One Time, At Band Camp....

OK, I am a confessed band geek. (Married to a hunky jock!)I have played an instrument ever since I was 10 years old. I began to play classical flute in the 5th grade, and all through out high school and college. In high school, I also began to play percussion, mainly mallet and auxiliary percussion, not as classy, but it was a more valued part of the band.

Now in all this time, I never had any problems when I was marching. Never was ran over in parades, never had an equipment malfunction, in fact the closest I ever came to having a serious problem in band was when I was at my first UF away game to Tennessee for the UF vs. UT game at Death Valley. After the game, myself and the other two female mallet players had gone back to our tour bus to change before the rest of the guys got back. (It was college, remember? Guys were horn dogs!) Whilst we were in a state of change, we see that the crowds are starting to filter past where we have the buses parked. Rowdy crowds. REALLY rowdy crowds! See,.... we had just lost the game 45-3, and they were liberally downing alcoholic drinks in celebration. We had closed the doors behind us when we got on, but they were still unlocked so everyone else from FDL could get on. Suddenly, I look up and see the doors open, and these two HUGE dudes carrying drinks stagger on to the bus!! I am talking majorly drunk, up to no good guys. The first one licks his lips turns to his friend and drawls out, "Lookie here..... what have we got to ourselves, heh heh heh." I turned cold, really cold. One of the girls ran to the lavatory and locked herself in it first thing, leaving myself and the other girl out in the open. (Thanks hon. Appreciate it!) Thoughts are reeling through my mind at 90 miles an hour. Thoughts like, will anyone hear us if we scream with all that racket going on outside the bus, am I really going to become a freshman statistic on my first away game, can I fight back..... on and on and on. As jackass number 1 starts down the aisle,something in me snaps. Oh hell no, I don't think so! Not this little blond girl! (I like to think this is when I began to be blond and fabulous!) I turned and stared daggers at the two yokels and at the top of my lungs hollered, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON OUR BUS???" This surprised the first guy who stopped dead in his tracks and the other guy smacked into his back. While I was saying that, I had been stomping towards them. Apparently, an assertive woman was a surprise to these two Neanderthals, as they were now speechless. I had no idea what I was going to do next, but luckily I didn't have to come up with another plan because the guys from the percussion section finally showed up back at the bus and the two biggest drummers snatched Cleedus and Bubba off the bus and proceeded to beat the shit outta them. I breathed a sigh of relief and started shaking. I had to sit down. I almost threw up. I didn't feel fabulous. I was seriously relieved that the girls and I were alright. This was the closest I had ever gotten to being really hurt in band. I thought I was lucky, because most times you don't get hurt in band, unless the bus you're riding on wrecks, or you get heat stroke from being out in the sun too long. Then I saw this on CNN.
OMG! There was a ceremonial changing of command at a military base in Kansas and the guy they hired to parachute in to the ceremony HIT THE BAND THAT WAS PLAYING!!! The guy took out two Sousaphones, a total of 4 guys, and oh my God.... being a musician is dangerous now. One of the guys who was hit has a broken jaw, anther has a broken leg..... oh and the skydiver? He's OK. yep just a twisted ankle. WTF is that crap! Go watch the video.... I wince every time they run it on CNN.
I guess football players aren't the only ones who can be hurt on the field anymore...

1 comment:

honeywine said...

Great story. Yeah, I'd have been all Mrs. Garrett and been searching for my keys or a lollipop. Somebody would've lost an eye!