I am not feeling well. Not in the least. It is 6:22am and I am awake, nauseous, crampy, and yucky! The Celiac's must have reacted to something I ate last night, (probably the dinner roll I had). Yeah, I know it's stupid to keep eating things I shouldn't, but it's kinda like a fat guy who keeps slopping at the trough even though he knows that he should lay off a meal or 5! Top that off with a healthy dose of the hot flashes, and my morning is complete. I just wanna crawl into the freezer right now. HHH is basically bundled up under the blankets shivering, and I am sitting here with sweat just rolling off me! Did I mention I am only 35? Yep, peri-menopausal in my mid 30's. Other women my age are planning another child, or planning what to do with the ones they have. Me, I get to plan out every day as to what I can and can't do according to my stomach and messed up thermostat. Those field trips I went on in the beginning of the year were always prepared for WAY in advance with medication, and then in the days after, I always felt crappy. I just know I DO NOT want to be like my mother. As a child, I never understood my mom. She slept all the time, never went anywhere, we never went to theme parks, never got out there. Oh we had family car trips, but that was about it. Now I know it was the medication she was on for all this hereditary stomach crap I am dealing with now. She never shared what was wrong, I just thought I wasn't important. I have told my kids everything. Why mommy doesn't feel good, when mommy is sleepy, it's because she took her meds so she can go on the field trip tomorrow, If mommy looks a little loopy, don't worry, just climb up into bed with her and we'll watch a movie together and that is the best medicine she needs! I never got that as a child. The old guard's practice of "don't tell the kids" was firmly in place at my house when I was growing up. Don't tell the kids about mommy's little drunk driving accident, (Even though I saw the car the next morning.). Don't tell the kids Daddy didn't come home from the bar last night, (even though we knew that was why mom was crying in her coffee.). Oh yeah, the kids won't know. Whatever. I knew. I always knew.
So I am sitting here on a Monday morning, feeling crappy, waiting for the kids to get up, and planning breakfast in my head. I may pass on it, but I want to make it for my family. I want to be there, despite my stomach and sweaty issues at this moment. They deserve more than I got. They deserve a MOM!